OK lets take a burlesque break for a sec here.

I can’t look!

Here is how I took in the family’s second appearance on MTV Creeps.

We don’t get MTV at home so we went to Bechnique’s, teach met up as we were at the food (poisoning) awards gala ahah. Thankfully I was drinking dinner this night and was saved. I drink more in the winter (shut up mum) because I am a functioning depressive misanthrope creative type and in the summer I am a beacon of health and fitness. I likes ta keep it Johnny Depp. Bech said she barfed a bit though from the (can’t say it or there will be a lawsuit) _____, but I don’t believe people unless I see it I have very strict barf standards only because I am reduced to a shivering crying mess when I spew. I had a seizure as a toddler and ralphed (lauren!) all over the place and I think I am scarred from that.

Are you fuckin kidding me? They had to DIG for that one and they made it look like my vag is out on display, it’s in shadow you can’t see shit here and this was taken during one of those not even skinny periods where I was feeling flexible enough to be able to contort my body in a skinny enough way that was shareable. When is the last time I even showed my nipples here, couple months ago and even then it was one picture. At least show attractive ones why the garbage ones? There is no telling time online I suppose, I have eleven years of image damning stuff so why do I care? I don’t.

My hair was bananas this night. It always is!

Mom trust me I would have loved to take you to task a bit more (she said I was calm) but they script it, totally encourage freestyle banter but have already done their homework and pre-burns. It goes Nice nice MEAN MEAN MEAN MEAN MEAN kind of nice HUGE INSULT BURN DISS SLAP Nice and Bye!

ChiChi NO NO (yes real name) has balls sitting here when his body looks like the blankets sometimes she blinks and I jump out of my skin (I don’t know what she is and it’s too late to turn back now) because I didn’t even know she was sitting there it’s HALARIOUS.

Here is how I handle reality AS IN NOT ABLE TO AT ALL. Ha you can see what the other half of my freaking out face looks like in the mirror. I am too dramatic for this world.

I thought I was pretty awesome all in all but I still had to watch it through my fingers covering my eyes and hiding.

Except I had two people to worry about.

Sasha’s hot. Ok so now I hear that there will be quarter finals for MTV Creeps AND I AM IN THE RUNNING. Against Tommy Hollywood and Batman and whoever else. It’s for YOUR OWN PILOT. And seeing as I essentially pitched an entire tv show to them during my audition in the ten minutes I told my entire life story sprinkled in my Pitch, I am confident I have a good chance however, Hollywood also does cos he’s already got the ballin’ life style and mtv could just coat tail off of that. Oh man I am going to have to start some serious situation-level shit talking of my competitors pretty soon.

Toronto Batman brought this up on stage at Valentine Vamps and I was all Whaaaaaaaa???? On the mic too it was funny. No you’re funny. Hi. MOM WE MUST WIN. Start training, do push ups and sit in the hot tub more and be cray cray Tray Tray I’m sure it won’t be hard. Thank yew.

Then we got blind stankin’ drunk to celebrate. Huzzah!

Happy vday hangover. How many bad decisions got made last night mes amis? Brb with my makeup winner announcement!

Why are my legs and my torso facing opposite directions? BECAUSE I AM AN AMAZING CONTORTIONIST. Sorry I can’t stop yelling. Anyway we had a bath together yesterday (ew hehehh) and it’s truly incredible how flexible I can be. Teacher said the moral of every one of my stupid stories is I AM AWESOME. Well, yeah and?

Jam of the day!

Someone just said I got style on this video so that deserves a replay.

I can see myself in this video while videoing it which is why I am smiling and gooning over myself okay thanks very much!