Welcome to le ish

HI!

More like Pimps Royal. That’s what I had.

They pour in their seasoning then drizzle oil on to your own personal side plate for bread. Italian classic style service, dripping with manners. I am treating Lois and mum here. Then to Wills Landing where lots of yupsters go why didn’t I think of this sooner and if they get blasted can crash at my place.

Lois got moms and me matching hats. Faux fur but real seeming and soft. Got checked out like bananas in metro yesterday and it cloaks your dark eyebags I was like a spectre.

Duck face mom.

Spice girls.

Mesmerized by my fab nail beds is likely why I lost the Zara card (at Sephora) I know the universe is tired of hearing about it. Can some guy who reads this get my mom a $100 Gift Card for Zara? Doesn’t hurt to try! I got my mom famous for Christmas (you will see very soon) so I think I have done enough this year.

This post will have two major booze haul purchase snapshots. It’s not my fault xmas and NYE are five days apart. Oyster bay is not cheap and now it’s in sparkling!

Highly entertaining girls beside us like Bridget Jones Diary I loved it, Christmas eve-eve dinner (that’s meant for your good friend or boyfriend) and they were getting loaded and trashing on everyone, namely ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend it was a bit much (SO MUCH) sometimes I get shell shocked from too much stimulation and, well, blogging, that I need to sit in silence or have no more bullshit but we turned our side of the seat in to a hallmark photoshoot and were buzzin’ off the christmas cozy atmosphere of the dark sunk-in cavern of bar vespa with our own personal flat screen playing the leaf game (and they won!) our matching red plaid very extremely gay and hokey couple outfits and chilled oot. Everywhere it looked like Christmas where I looked with so many first date mini-tables peppering my view for entertainment.

Teach had an italian sidecar.

We ordered way too f-ing much.

And it was all fantastic.

I thought he looked like Fido Dido.

I had veal. So Eveal! Ahahah sorry. Teacher judges some of the animals I decide to eat, but he said that it doesn’t matter if it’s a baby calf or mother if you’re going to kill it anyway. Hey thanks buddy I feel tons better now.

Stella had a lot too, it’s so ostentatious to give rich foods to pets, I take joy from it. She doesn’t like mushrooms but couldn’t taste them. What is marsala? I was expecting indian.

Every spy always leaves a calling card behind. I used to leave my business card and other various raymitheminx.blogspot.com traces behind all over the city, on streetcar seats, subway, cabbagetown, my commute to and from the city at 17 when I first started my urban tenure spreading out of wings.

I had big 50′s tits that night. Actual quote. Teacher is a major pervert fyi.

I used to have to wear a kilt for an entire year in grade 9. You kind of lose your mind, it’s like reform school (catholic school) we finally got to switch schools after my year of martyrdom trying to pull off looking as depressed, despondent, and miserable as possible and then my brother upped the ante (the result, my niece) and he got to go to SSS a whole semester before me I was STEAMED. My bf went to SSS. Anyway long story short I got to take history twice because at St. Joes they crammed geography and history into a semester, that’s two subjects in half a year super concentrated learning (idiotic if you ask me) and so when I went to public they were like she has to do one of those over again cos that is not enough, fucking burn right? I chose history because I already watched every single war film in time and it was way easier, all it is is listening to shit that happened years ago, remembering it and answering questions about it. I think I have problems with geography too so I chose a full credit of that and then never do it again! Suffice it to say I was the coolest most adult person in Mr. Crocker’s grade 9 history class and from there I just Bart Simpsoned the rest of my way through High school. I still have my kilt.

And much like pride coming before a great fall, I went out as garbage the next ay to do last minute maniac Christmas shopping FOR EVERYONE knowing my dad wanted us at his place for like 2. This year I take full credit for being the Captain Kangaroo of the family so cut me some slack. Busy is as lazy does and I left everything to the last minute.

Brunch in the market after we were in the annex and then the crazy tshirt store where we couple squabbled and were cornered by spanish carollers and finally when the guy with the guitar jammed the neck of his classical in to my face when I was looking for hipster specs for my niece I finally said CAN YOU GET OUT OF HERE NOW. Teacher had a flip out too oh man what a scene. A single girl was all in our space too fascinated by our domestic abuse, my brother said couples fight 4 more times daily during the holidays. Ha we fight four times before we even get out of bed.

So I Clark Griswold my way through the mall like a video game and the deeper the layers of the mall you go down, the lesser the quality of all surroundings from brand to shopper. Yikes.

I could feel Batman’s eyes on me. Oh whatever street “performer” con-artist. Come and get me in your batwing.

I think those hippies at last temptation put the wrong mushrooms in my omelette there is a very big reindeer towering over me.

Look what I am holding mom. :(

Grilled tomatoes if you can manage it in lieu of potatoes. That place is a hole. Cheap though and decent. Had a pint each to calm the nerves, my brother’s Christmas shopping stipulation. Everyone in my family was born without patience.

I look pretty as a skid too. Versatility is key. I need a new jacket. Half my stuff is still packed away.

The one on the left is the nazi outfit I got Teacher.

When I opened it, initially, I made a hater face. Then became conceited pretty quick.

I got him a cardi, shirt, wallet and tie for just over $200. Le Chateau will always be my secret weapon.

Still adding to this post

No I’m not I have to shower now Kay bye.

Happy New Year everyone! To be continued!

Cougcrawl 2011

I should be wearing my heels in this picture. Meh.

Oh I changed my mind!

Now my fingers can read in the dark!

Experiencing the point!

This is my being polite (and awkward) demeanour, when you show up and sit down all these suits swarm you and ask dumb tattoo questions just to claim you at the bar and cock block any other possible men and I am like come on guy fuck off (in my head) I am trying to talk to my mother, omg that’s your mother said with fake shock, yes now can I go bak to my vodka soda? Actually that place is so expensive you kind of have to be Julia Roberts and prosti yourselves some drinks. Casie got us shots of grey goose off a drunk chap the champ that she is. It’s a meat market bar filled with high class ladies (and gold diggers) and so if you want to talk to someone, namely me, it costs a drink. I am old fashioned.

Last night was fun, The keg wasn’t its normal douchebag self, it was more lame! We are going to spread the cougar claws elsewhere in the city next time we go out but it was just fine the four of us girls in our mean girl huddle together.

Seeing Casie walking in these beasts oh man, and then her hat flew away and sam had to go get it I was like what if you were alone right now that thing would be so gone forever no way you can run after it in your lady gaga shoes. They’re sick though right and make casie my height.

These dudes beside us got shots of grey goose and took off without paying, total jerk scumbags. I was in the bathroom at the time so I missed out on that action.

It was Lois’ fake second birthday! Was the cake on the bill? Hope not.

If you don’t go home with a dude you go home with food. Lois has a dude that my mom is jealous of because she thinks we will lose Lois haha yeah right nothing can replace us.

Nice.

Two can play at that game.

Mom why do your pictures end up so shitty? I wish you would email them to me like a normal person instead of me having to dredge them off facebook.

Casie always gives me a weird present.

Will probably come in handy someday during War of the worlds and I’ll be like Tom Cruise don’t worry I got this! Zuh-oom (laser beam sound effect duh obvs).

Oh hey there.

Casie is attempting to school me after I schooled her, rinse and repeat.

Then we went in to my tumblr template and I was like can we not do this right now? See how stressed out I am ha ha. Well actually some stupid bitch woman tweeted something disparaging about raymi camp so I had to investigate matters. Isn’t it great when people watch you live your life then try to sabotage your good times? Still waiting on that apology.

What is all over my ass and WHERE is my ass?

Thank god we take pictures I wouldn’t remember half the shit we do or say. This blog is one giant note to self. Do you remember when I used to blog my shopping lists at the top of my blog or little notes (BUY TP, RETURN MOVIE).

Sometimes (and this is one of those times) I have no idea what sexy is.

See good girls, it’s early!

Here is when I started to feel stupid.

Mesmerizing tights hook it up! Ok I am going to finish my breakfast lunch now if that is alright with you. The next time I type coug crawl it’ll say 2012 after it cant believe it time just goes on by. Don’t forget to blog it!

CASIE SEND ME YOUR PICS!

Poppin’ bottles in the ice like a blizzard when we drink we do it right gettin slizzard sippin sizzurp in my ride

Practising for NYE!

This was our theme song (one of many) last NYE. Such a good time. What’s going on this year for everyone else? Thinking about having people over but I kinda want to go out at least first, when you have a party you get house trapped. Hmm. Lemme know.

There’s a reason why hater rhymes with masturbator

Hair is getting loooong yayayay.

Here is what happened on a Facebook status update about an hour or whatever ago, welcome to my life. I shared a photo in my feed and put my url in it and decided to add “is still a really great blog” as a joke, it meant nothing. Then this piece of shit chimes up:

*************: questionable. the blog being great that is

Raymi Lauren White is this your walking papers?

************:oh raymi, just an observation. I didnt say anything about yr hair did I? relax.

***************: i just think days and days of piuctures of u on the rug, it gets boring.

Raymi Lauren White oh fuck you skid. when i blog it cranks up to 150 and im on holiday, bye BC hater.

Raymi Lauren White it’s business and nice to see your true colours after years of reading my blog, you finally lose your temper, how suave.

Ryan Griver blogs change, bloggers change, if you want something to stay the same for years try watching The Simpsons.

My status update in MY feed set you off so bad you get all hatey like so? Aw no Raymi is all pretty now I have to make a slag. Meanwhile you haven’t change your photo in ten billion years on facebook what are you hiding from? Being interesting and versatile? What are you hiding from? Gross. YOU are boring. It disgusts me that my niece has to witness this too. You have no tact. Think what you want about me and character assassinate at will but I have more class in my pinky finger than your entire sweaty disgusting army camo hat head. I am flattered that you expect me to give you more though than I already fucking give that means you depend on me Little Raymi hater sorry to let you down but I was too busy partying with those I love and taking care of myself and staying pretty. I like that you referenced the hair attack from previously today I see what you did there! So smart!!! Ahh wicked burn so burned I am burned oh what a world what a world! Thank you for keeping me on my boring living room carpet toes.

I strongly disagree with you though because I feel like these photographic subjects I lay before you, including that of myself, are far more interesting than anything you have to show, say, or anything else you can offer up on this holiday marathon week let alone ONE FUCKING TIME IN THE LAST 4 YEARS (?) THAT YOU HAVE HAVE ADDED ME TO FACEBOOK AND NOT ONCE HAVE I FELT THE URGE TO STRAY YOUR WAY. You are bored and hating as a result. Don’t give me your shit. You are so boring you had to leave a comment on MY facebook wall (who the fuck even are you anyway?) and project it on to someone else who is zero per cent boring. I couldn’t be boring if you paid me to be.

SO BORING! Bahah you wish you were this cute. AGAIN! I repeat: I haven’t seen your facebook profile picture change, not once, in the three+ some-odd years, that you have stalkily added me to your profile. Do any of your other friends on facebook blog like me? I ask nothing of you, I expect less than nothing. Your insult is meaningless against me and is actually a compliment.

I love BC but am just wondering why so many trolls hail from BC and hate on my blog. What is it about my blog and BC? I think BC is in love with me actually.

Sorry for not jumping out of a cake right now! I already had a mega-retarded publicity stunt burlesque show the suicide week prior to holidays thanks.

Boring? Please. My blog has been holding the 10k north american rank steady for two weeks now. I am killing it, not snoring it. It’s sad that one day all chicks blow their fuse on me for some dumb reason or other. Let me repeat, The proof is in the stats pudding I am in the 10,000 rank in all of North America, this blog. Boring blogs do not rank this highly you stupid FUCKING idiot.

No you’re not talking about my hair? Why would you be? Look at it you mousy slob. I am smokin’ hot.

Sorry guys for dragging it up again it just trickles in during moments when nothing is wrong. I am not saying I am an angel but I know that I have hundreds of days behind me where-in I have overcome the desire to leave a shitty comment on someone’s blog, despite being one who spends a lot of time on the internet. I see my blog as a photo album I update every day like this is my life la-dee-dah I need to keep traffic rolling so I throw content up whatever it is it’s new and people keep coming. No it’s not boring, it’s me and my dog smiling happy on Christmas eve-eve sorry your life blows.

Anyway I just keep being me. Like I don’t worry about my looks daily like any other person on this earth might. I do worry about other shit too. But not really. Ha. On MTV they were like you don’t know who Jenna Marbles is? No fuck off who cares I’m busy. They stoke the flames to get you going and a lot of it is mean-spirited too, they make you think they think the world of you but they don’t, they hate you. It’s going to be a good show. Jan 17. Right after Jersey Shore I already lift my shirt up all the time like The Situation anyway heheh.

I don’t know what’s boring about drinking with your boyfriend in the living room cos he has two weeks off work and you just got back in town after a killer bender with your family out in the burbs and we are now going over stuff we want to do like a spa a resort medieval times anything, Quebec yay! I have extra disdain sprinkled contempt for those whom hate this time of year. I am just done with negativity and then they are like, oh, no you aint’s!

Put your hands up if you worked your ass off this year and gave it your all!

Ps. this shirt has a striped matching loosey-goosey undershirt to go along with it’s so dope and no I am not telling you where it came from.

Long hair long claws

Long and classy sassy. Resolution to have longer nails this year I have great nailbeds I am a stupid idiot from removing one more Raymi prowess power this way. Long hair long claws 2012!

Growing up is for old people but haha what an asshole. Here I am blowing an imaginary snowflake angel kiss okay right? Who do I think I am. Wrong question, who do I don’t think I am?

Oh hi didn’t notice you there.

See the mini dad sweater on the tree? When I am feeling particularly “funny” I am known to say that I bought my dad a sweater but it was too small then gesture at the sweater like Ricky Gervais just showed up. Did you guys see Will Ferrell’s Mark Twain award roast on tv last night? Ricky wasn’t on it but all these other comedians were, well maybe he was on it I am not entirely sure because we were also watching Celine Dion’s megalomaniac biography documentary (more on her later) but anyway I get excitable when I watch comedians because I want to do sketch comedy or stand-up ultimately and these dudes are my idols. It inspires me and motivates me to keep going baby!

Anyhooters.

Hailey is very efficient with her stuff, thank you very much and goodbye now. Teacher picked out that bag.

Ha he saw this and was like I don’t remember that at all.

Yo Nacnud!

Awks portrait.

That means awkward btw. Some people don’t understand how I talk.

Blaha none done right.

I just asked if she reads my blog and Teacher says yes and I go she does? And he says I thought you meant Gwen Stefani ahahahha (we are listening to Hollaback girl) but I meant his ex wife. Yes that is what is going on right meow, still at my dad’s and when Teachers have their two week Christmas break it’s like what happens in Vegas.

Merry Christbreakfastmas from mystery camera.

Haileyness!

So Last Supper and Jesus in the middle me mirror reflection.

Gimme! Feed the monster. We wore our Christmas uniforms like my mom always made us match I have a hilarious family portrait I am going to photograph and blog. All of us in blood valentine red and my mom’s 80′s blown-out flock of seagulls hair LOLLLL.

Mom saw these and said now that is Hailey.

Growing up!

And the family genius wins Balderdash again. It was close, Alison had the lead, which I had for the majority of the game. Do not underestimate the minx I am an incredible bullshit artist and I play people’s knowledge and style against them. My dad and Teacher cancel each other out cos they always pick the other’s bluff as it is similar to their own answer and so narcissism kicks in and they are blinded by that. Then Rinky Ren takes the lead! Cobblestone gristle mawfucka! I’m queen at the two/three word concise definition. My reports were uber short, apt and profound.

All that competition doesn’t come without high-altitude stress, short tempers, yelling, or swearing. I’ve decided to keep a ledger dating each time we play and the appropriate missive to pair along with. I was staring daggers at my brother while inscribing Nov 5′s entry lol.

Hailey is growing up right before our very eyes. I gave her my Santa shirt obvs, she had to pin it at the back or that’s her style but it’s funny that it fits me loosely and her tiny frame too.

Ha.

My hair looks amazing. Hailey is in heaven with her new laptop.

It was nice to see my dad in lala Christmas googoogagaland we are big on it over here. You can stop time with Christmas and nostalgia your brains out meanwhile we are all whipping paper balls at one another like crazy and ploughing through champagne. We opened a small bottle I brought and then I was like should I open the magnum? Which I just should have originally done but my dad was trying to keep it mellow on the level sorry no chance buddy!

Re-did my nails, no not seen here, which is just a hodge podge from Sephora my self-demo, typically I am a clean nail freak snob and obsess. Or in car rather. I gave myself a mud mask in the bath while I did my nails and then laid there with my hands up in the air like lobster pincers.

My double dip (spray tan and super bed tan) is already gone. That whole thing cost $75 bucks (I bought lotion and goggles too) but I wanna go back. I tried hard to get a discount based on previously advertising their shit but the owner was gone I missed her like I miss everyone because I am constantly disgustingly always late. Then I walked home in the rain and then was on a tv show!

I am turning into looking like a grinch.

Christbreakfastmas gettin’ you down?

Someone has followed exactly in some of our foot steps.

It’s too small for him awww. It’s the shoulders not the belly he said ok ok. Maybe Teacher can fit in it.

It was a great party.

I got those shoes for Teach over summer from converse during nxne, nice eh. You have to pre-rsvp for your +1 for events, was with casie and she was aww burn where is my pair for my bf?

Ok I look ugs here but remember I said that thing about how my nana and mom and I’s hands naturally fall in to the bullshit/devil’s horns formation from our curved fingers? See it? So pedantic but I told you so. Ingrained dainty class.

I cleared the hedge ten times and neither my mother or Teacher could adequately capture the timing of it cos I just so fast. It’s good to stay limber. And Jackass. I bet if I practise I could line it up to make it in through the front door! Like a Kyle McAllistar. Don’t think I won’t.

The naybes were nestled all tucked in their beds.

Bye mom! Your face almost matches your coat and I think you look cute here AND dad said you are hot when he saw this so get over it. Noticed you took a lot of my desserts and some of my presents haha.

Cheeky monkey baby aw my niece. So goofy I’m so proud!

My dad opened Teacher’s wallet accidentally.

And there he is opening it. I had said earlier to not be alarmed if someone accidentally opened a gift (cosmically) because we were going to save our shit for actual xmas morning with my dad but then we got greedy show-offy and they were curious and then my dad opened the wallet so the rest of the house of cards fell. He looks like Kevin Spacey right?

Shawn got a nice regift from one of Teacher’s students. 48 booze filled chocolates.

This one fits.

Whatcha got there mum?

Everyone spreads out to tuck in.

A delicious M&M’s lasagna. Las-ag-Nahh.

It did not get complete.

Nana had a shandy (the very drink she let me have when I stayed over the week I was grounded as a teenager for taking off on my parents for a night with two dudes from Switzerland at a resort) and she also looks like an adorable adolescent the way she is seated here, go nana go! :)

I got a printer too. My dad was like I bet it’s a printer after I opened up my laptop and I go why the fuck would I need a printer for lol then I unwrapped it ha ha, it’s a scanner too! I’ll scan my journals and make some crappy fledgling decent art with it for the superfans.

Alison’s swatch I got. She usually wore this Superman one, I like kid features on grown-ups, it’s zany and endearing, bold.

Had a hippie’d out chat in the Annex thanks to this hat I got from Adventurehouse garage sale. I love it. The merchant was like I’m moving to Quebec to live on my friend’s farm when shit goes down LOL I was like YEAH TOTALLY ME TOO and she goes people are going to have a rude awakening when they realize potatoes don’t grow around here. Then I got paranoid about potatoes oh no what? HA I hate them anyway and never ever eat them.

She sold me this bag at an inflated price like $15 or higher and then I saw loads of them at HMV for $4.99 :( so enjoy your fucking quebec potatoes and your lava lamps ya hippie yuppie rip off artist! And this DVD better work and be good! I have gotten fucked buying dvds for my dad before, bootleg shit the equivalent of a homemade youtube fanatic homage video, moving picture show.

Though it would be cool to hang out on a couch all the time with your action figures set up everywhere and cater to single middle aged nerd loners all day long. They had gifts stacked everywhere, a bottle of wine, oranges. Neat. The Central is across the street. I’d be opening the patio and cursing these film geeks in a heatwave.

Cool life. My dad is talking to me about them now. The man owner did refer to me as possibly oriental. I went into the wrong store. There are 3 novelty stores on Markham, all with kitschy cult interest peculiarities for purchase.

This is brunch in the market at last temptation, we were falling apart. I woke up with my eyes wild OK LETS GO SHOPPING NOW.

I stared at a cute guy in the corner with a bag of drum singing to himself along with Bob Dylan, he looked sad. I was frightened for how much I had to buy. Bumped into Yuula in front of the fish mongers. She had a nice fur hat on and said lets go for coffee. How very urban a holiday street hug, I wished her Merry Christmas as I am staunch retro and she’s part israeli ie had latkes for breakfast. My tourette’s abade one more false christian tiding but it was lovely to see you Yuula xoxo.

Shower day for sure but I went out like a trucker with an agenda.

Many looks.

Even Bollywood.

And back to cute again phewf. No wait it’s over thank god. Still many more to go a LOT on my phone still. Brunchristmas time! I’m gonna cook! Leftovers thanks Alison! xoxoxo