But you can never leave!

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said ’we are all just prisoners here, of our own device’
And in the master’s chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can’t kill the beast

well good news i am hot again

It didn’t last for very long though cos I destroyed three pounds of wings and we had hurricanes (tradition!) and that other drink that’s southern comfortable and JD plus coke and lime, oh man, pahhty. I’d be lying if I said my shirt and overall wicked constitution didn’t single-handedly change the entire vicinity’s night by way of positive atmosphere and good times party vibe, I mean, why do you go to a bar anyway, to be crabby? Fuck off.

Ok chillax brethren, no I am not that conceited I am just on a personal obsessive journey at looking babetastical sorry for angering you, actually no, I won’t. Apologizing makes you look tireder, you should apologize to me for ruining my “chi”.

No I am not actually that tiny, the bigness of the shirt makes it appear as such. Ok just kidding I am that tiny.

Even though he took this it was my vision.

We had a very very nice time because two night’s ago at pizzeria libretto we did’nae and it wasn’t my fault for once but it’s too bad I am a zen master at squabbles and have a ZERO TOLERANCE attitude towards bullshit so I got in a cab and hung out with myself for the rest of the evening. I likes to keep it mysterious and also when these couple fights occur it’s not that I am that close to pulling the bat shoot (escape rip cord, saying my brother has) it’s that, I am not wasting my life fighting any fucking more. Fighting about nothing too, at that. We went in all smiley and I was excited for my first time out of the house from working all damn day long (I am a prisoner to this blog and managing two events in a week on top of that, nahmean) so I feel sorry for the guy who decides to conjure a dark cloud above us. I take things like emotions and feelings seriously, cos aside from those things in life what else have you got to really care about if you’re sad all the time? For the sake of my sanity I have to keep it positive. When I sit in my colleague’s car and he starts dumping his problems on me I say thanks but no thanks, I specifically chose an unconventional lifestyle like a circus freak to entertain, delight and distract myself from the BURNING CONSTANT SADNESS WITHIN ahaha so don’t bring me down, chum. Also, I am not your therapist. Honestly my headspace is precious and there is enough goin’ on in there, I don’t want your horseshit.

It’s annoying that I can’t even reference half the people I’d like to in my own fairy tale as everyone knows my history so I can’t even bend the truth slightly to protect the identities of the (not so) innocent. #bloggerproblems. All I’m saying is I don’t claim to not be a handful or high maintenance but if you an’t handle the Raymi show then get a more subservient wallflower of a girlfriend, cos that ain’t me and I am firing full attention aggressively in to my career and it takes a lot out of me, I stated clearly in the beginning that I do not have time for relationship feelings or focusing on them, and it’s not that I don’t love you it’s just that I don’t have time to sit on the couch and stare at you all the time like a fucking velvet underground moment so back off me I’m busy type shit! If I was a dude I would be just left alone to smoke my Sean Connery pipe and stroke my beard in the den while I stared in to the NYT and ignored my wife, oh, what a fantasy! Sometimes I look like I am being distant but I’m not, well I am, but really, it’s just me working, writing. It has to be done! These are how most fights start to which I have previously stated, I am not doing anymore. Difficult? Fine I’ll leave, no but that would be heartbreaking. I asked if he would feel more lost with or without me and he said it was the latter and then felt like shit all day long yesterday. I don’t have time for this I am planning for two shows, managing other dramas, taking dramas, I have ENOUGH thank you. I see everything that he is doing and I have done exactly the same in the past, you’re just more coveted when you’re busy, God I get snarky fucking emails daily from my closest truest of friends and spats on facebook chat cos whatever their mini crisis is obviously supersedes the importance of my shit, which is obviously so busy and manageable and perfect and not at all hard gruelling work and all I want to do is watch big brother uk.

My phone dings incessantly now, and especially today. I can’t manage my career by myself anymore I need help, a budget, money, ugh. I can’t manage a career and a relationship if the relationship is causing stress then I remove the source of stress in my life and no we are not breaking up it just gets intense, it gets to the point where it drives him crazy and I am tired of being painted like a monster. He is dating two people, me and my blog and you guys. Everyone asks how he is managing, or manages. I said on our first date I was famous, he laughed at me, I said I was smarter than him too because we were engaged in a pissing contest and I got him to agree, that is how I am zen master in fighting and why raymi the minx is a notorious flame war vigilante because I cannot back down or ever be wrong, yes, it is relentless but I am definitely, without a doubt, the greatest thinker of your time. Say what you want about me and think I am this or that but I am an enjoyable read, a must read, addictive blabbity blah when this week is over I am finishing my book.

My mom doesn’t like it when I go all arrogant on my blog thing here and I said last week I rarely toot my own horn, I don’t get a chance to cos every time you get a step ahead that’s three steps back’s worth of trashed on by “the people”. I have to be bigger than life otherwise no one would care. It’s not narcissism, well, maybe I am a professional narcissist. De-construct celebrity, and put it on a blog, your blog. Don’t be surprised when it works.

He likes this one but I don’t see it.

I think once every blog post seems like it is selling something the dream is lost.

This is ironic because I want this restaurant to give me an unlimited open bar for life (we’ll tip half of it every time to our server) because I am making it our new regular and I have a habit of making shit popular, I know the value of my influence, or power rather and guess what before today you didn’t realize your weird belly shirt looked good on you. I am always selling shit without trying, it’s a skill and a plague.

I wanted to talk about Amy Winehouse but instead this turned into all about me (Raymi Winehouse) big surprise, like her death being alcohol-related. I didn’t want to talk about it right beneath this picture of me holding my favourite drink but I guess it is pertinent albeit obvious. I hate gimmicks. Blaha says the platinum haired girl.

When I was 20 I had a breakdown, I was an advanced youth and did a lot of things very young. I saw the World Trade Center collapse with my very own eyes at 18, I made Sex TV and The National Post at 19, the circus frenzy of my blog that is happening now happened to me at 19 and I snapped under the pressure, I was not managing my life properly at all, I was doing drugs and partying and I felt like I was part of and making a movement and I was also in an extremely extremely abusive relationship with a dealer, yeah, I pretty much took life by the balls and squeezed until I went legitimately insane.

And so after a breakdown you pick up the pieces that fell out of your head, largely your heart. I had lost Raymi this girl that my entire hopes and future dreams were resting on the shoulders of. I went to drug and alcohol rehabilitation meetings despite being many months sober and having no desire, triggers, (haha lush group terminology) or money, I lost it all, and my friends too, the party was over.

I did not belong in these meetings and I think I made everyone uncomfortable because they were legitimate ex-junkies, drunks, in their 40’s and up, I was 20 years old and like totally there ironically it seemed, in my Gallaz skate shoes, arms crossed, I never said a word. My spirit was broken from depression, I was Prozac Nation-incarnate (rent it or youtube a clip, the book by Elizabeth Wurtzel) and the point of this group was to graduate to this class (where it got more labour-intensive zzzz) which I was denied access to and that was the best fucking day of my life and proof to my psychotic mother that SEE I was FINE now back the hell off. My dad said to me in hindsight, those groups were a dumb idea. I remember the talk on the phone with the lady, picture me, 20 years old totally coherent being turned down for a drug and alcohol class that was like 3 times a week. Am I supposed to act sad here? My mom was just trying to find something for me to do and I had overstayed my welcome at my brother and girlfriend’s house, which was actually MY house too so imagine how lazy, slothenly, and self-entitled it degenerated in to. Behind my back they called me RELAXO based on one of the dudes in the lottery super seven commercials and speaking of, I watched so much television I started buying super 7’s and then the night before the draw would lie in bed staring at the ceiling and thinking tomorrow would be my lucky day. Yeah, I’d kick that the fuck out of a drug and alcy class too for sure.

But there is one thing that I actually learned and never ever forgot and it is exactly the reason why Amy Winehouse died, or how rather. We sat through all these boring videos but I actually loved them because we could sit in the dark and I could think about my boyfriend in Los Angeles who had no doubt moved on because Raymi was dead now remember? They turned the lights out and I wouldn’t have to be nervous about having to speak up anymore and the movies ate up class time.

There was one particular video where a dude explained the life of a lush who drank and drank but then became sober again and then after many years of sobriety he fell off the wagon again (all these lush sayings, enabling in a sense) and died. It was because he drank like he used to, the mind does not forget to the degree it thinks it can take the booze, cos like Amy no doubt drank like a powerhouse so when she took it up again figured she could still drink like a champ, sorry girl, not the case. So, it was an accident, but deliberate, based on ignorance. To clarify, you sober up for years then you go on a bender one night out of the blue that turns into black out drinking picking up beers at a bodego or whatever, YOU WILL DIE. Cleaning up at all from years of toxic abuse is second chance enough, in alcoholand (Like Duff Gardens) you rarely get second chances. So they used the image of a dude on a bench kind of funny cartoon drawing with shitty powerpoint technology of him flopping over dead off the bench. I was lobotomized, it had no effect on me but I stored it away in my long term memory department for a rainy day cos I knew it was important to know.

You have to graduate to being that level of drunk again but with stubborn drunks, one is never enough, functioning alcoholics are belligerent and, well, drunk.

So now when I drink I think I’m going to die all the time. No I don’t drink to that degree but I’ve had my moments it feels, even a little can affect me, I also see how my friends behave, I don’t miss much. I don’t understand why the detail about the vodka bottles everywhere only came out now with the final death analysis? Like their hands are in their pockets and they’re scuffling stones around and go, ok, ok fine, it was alcohol. Well NO SHIT!

I’m related to a famous dead drunk, I write and behave like one, my lifestyle is ridiculous and luckily vanity requires abstinence to maintain beauty so in a way you can say narcissism has saved my life. I am glad I escaped the 27 club jinx, I’m not superstitious but I made one self-fulfilling prophecy occur once in my life and 365 days is a really long opportunity to do something stupid when you play with fire daily and already live like you are going to die tomorrow. The point of this is I can relax now cos if I die it won’t be special enough now that I am 28. When I was in the hospital my mom was told to start mourning my death, or in therapy I can’t remember where she learned such a defeatist thing but there you have it the story of the family touched by addiction, everyone suffers. I am happy that I won my battle though we’re not out of the woods yet.

I wrote this post to kick it old school Raymi. It’s good to be back.

SEE YOU TONIGHT AT 99 Sudbury 8PM I’ll be checking you in.


Shit like his party is the very reason I do what I do. Andy Milonakis is one of my idols, I am going to be a hot mess. Come watch!

My life is your business is my life

Manic thoughts i can’t tweet cos i am uploading a video and it will crash the process aaaand go!

Just stretched nude like rachel mcadams in the notebook except my view is of a garbage dumpster #parkdale parking lot not whimsical meadow.

Uploading disney reminx video a la snow white, lauren snow white? featuring birds and crazy film technologies.

My solo song is going to be so suicidally heartbreaking.

Maintain relevancy for eleven years and get back to me.

Inventing new tasks to avoid EVERYTHING!!

Pushing it into popularity.

Experiencing productivity paralysis from volume overwhelmness.

Yay it’s uploaded.


Hahaha poor Shasha.

gill: !

you wrote blob

i know gill its called HAVING A SENSE OF HUMOURS

ahah humours leaving that

More of our girl hilarity here it’s like 2006 and people are talking in forums again wheeee.

i think you are food question obsessed ask other questions too you greedy opportunist
youre lucky youre not fat or i would call you fat right now ahahahhaa

If you were a Disney character, who would you be?

How PERFECTLY timed!



I want to say nothing more to you than: I believe you to be smart. Very smart. I believe you to be kind (although at times I am just confused when this sensitive, depressive, ultra-kind type is QUITE a bit less than. At least admit that). I DO NOT wish you to have a miserable life. Really! Not, good god, at all. I just question WHY.. why the _________ persona (not going to say the words, but you know, smart as you are, who I mean, what character). You’re so GREAT as yourself! When you’re just carrying on about your social life, your toils and turmoils, obsessions, jokes, projects, it’s so fantastic. I’d just noticed the recent (to say the VERY least) change in tone. Please be original Raymi. Isn’t original always best? And I know you really are one. You are a rarity. Just don’t waste, dilute or completley cover-up that. As you have.

Not your enemy, just a dissapointed reader,


i work my ass off i dont care what you think or what tone i am or am not using
your work is done, good job, goodbye.

Hot child in the city runnin wild and lookin pretty

Mom show these top two to NANA!

Burlesque take over!

Ha that’s teacher. Lucky guy. Also that’s Red Velvet.

Here too! You guys are in luck come Saturday, and come Wednesday we will be saluting you from the middle of a WRESTLING RING at 99 Sudbury for the ANDROID TO after party with Andy Milonakis, Roller Derby girls, catered by Palais Royale, Tiny Danza are performing and I’ll be checking you in so bring your cameras! You can buy tickets at the door. 7PM.

We have roll-on luggage. You are going to diiiie when you see this routine.

Bobby Darin is driving me mad though, also, Kevin Spacey played him in Beyond the Sea, also the name of our song, plus I watched Horrible Bosses starring Kevin Spacey last night, and, my dad is pretty much a dead ringer for him, also big Bobby Darin fan. Omg I think I just wrote the sequel to the movie Number 23. See how the floor panels move and shift, I have to kick/nudge the slats back in place.

I looked like a weird naked wizard.

LOL are you still scrolling?

Mr. Jingles School of dance

I feel like my neck is this close to having whiplash, or it’s just tight and stiff. I rehearsed from 11am to 6, so did Jasmine cos red Velvet showed up when Bunny had to leave for work and we rehearsed some more. We are driven mad from the song but we put together the cutest of dances I can’t wait! Downloading mystery camera shots now as I make coffee. Happy Manic Monday!

Didn’t get to go out and enjoy yesterday’s beautiful sunny day weather at all :( I hope it’s nice next weekend to make up for it. OOH it’s gorgeous out now, second chance!

I’ve been so busy lately can’t keep ma head straight. Good thing I guess.

Gill and I are old friends fast becoming new friends again I love it.

I really wanted that LV purse but bet it tasted like crap. It’s just for show. LIKE YOUR FACE!

I’ve been bringing “YOUR FACE!” back for awhile now. I am nostalgic like that.


I’ve a hilarious story involving this tiger cat Sandy here. It’s always a hoot running into people I know with colleague. They’re like, Raymi? WTF??? click click click click! mug mug mug for the camera and peace!

By-passing a mega-line for beer this is how I did it: Hey I have a very important client to meet over on the other side of the building so I can’t wait can I just get a can off of you? Works every time. Every time I have a newer ridiculous lie to get what I want. You’d think if I had an actual important meeting to get to I wouldn’t be grabbing a roadie for it. WRONG! Those are the instances when drinking is most necessary. I had just come from the fashion tents where I was plied with drink tickets for being fabulous. I nursed this beer.

I see Julio. HI!

Lauren blew her eyeballs out from puking or something I forgot but it was very hardcore, luckily people wear sunglasses inside at fashion week so it was no matter. Her pants are amazing.

Fabulous Julio. We had a blast together, I made up something snarky about every single try-hard in sight and I know he is jonesing for more.

At first we were not enjoying ourselves. Fashion week puts me on edge, all the posturing and staring and I said to teacher if we fight here people WILL KNOW AND SEE and sure enough a couple emails and comments of I spy Raymi, but nothing bad. Once Teacher ran in to some fashion guys he knows it made me respect him more as the playing field became more level and the Peroni was working by then.

Nothing like an open bar that looks like star trek.

Register over there with our swedish blow up doll. Be careful she bites.

The big one is a door stop from my aunt from Bata shoe museum, lovely.

Post Shoeless dinner couch surfing sustenance spree. We were so busy having a photo shoot in here we forgot to buy chips. When my eyebrows are tinted it makes me look a little more tired, also, the tired makes me look tired but I don’t look as tired as I could, i dunno. I don’t like to give in to shades and hide behind them because they’re a temporary solution and I showed you this image larger to show that I don’t look so bad for my lifestyle and age.

Smaller and we just could have gotten on with it. Meh it’s my blog and I can do as I please. Certain troll hag ladies bash me and say I look really really haggard so I think you should look in the mirror yourself and hold this photo up next to it the next time you decide to light it up on MY looks. I’m also not wearing under-eye liner to make my eyes pop like I normally do which also distracts from moonbeams simultaneously, all women know that trick.

Keepin’ it gangsta in this ghetto bathroom.

My Friend aka grey cat aka newest name bequeathed by me is LITTLE MOTHER.

When walking the dog I multi-task. That stuff was expensive.

Anne Geddes level cheese. Ok one more.

And now I will make coffee. Feels good to get those out of my blog cycle holding cell hell.

Gettin’ pumped up for this week!

Mom that’s Uncle Mike and Janet with us. Hahaha.

Best time ever we had. Teacher dressed like a Pilot. we got chased down by fans and all the gals referenced Pan Am to me of course. Nothing but Cos-play for me for the next little while, what is normal? I hit the Delicious food show twice what a pig! Will blog it tomorrow. Have loads of shots from rehearsal today. I can’t wait to perform our Harth Airlettes number. Will be doing a redux performance with Red Velvet on Saturday too. Va va voom!

Heard some very interesting gossip from these two. I’m a sleeper in the food industry, they don’t see me coming, nor know of my contacts and intel on all things everyone in the scene. Food spy. But I also heard some other juicy stuff from the young lad on the left. Not at all surprising either.

And so Marty only wanted to interview me about the sex show that I wasn’t working at and I just talked about burlesque and talked mad shit about whatever as a crowd of horny chefs drew near and surrounded us, I ate a butter tart. I despise butter tarts, and I said that I also hated them so that was funny material and then a hot euro waffle man stuck a waffle on camera and I bettered him by gnawing on it. Hope they all come to our party!

I like my top gun glasses addition. My leather jacket looks good with the flight suit too.

I heard a fable about staring in to your oyster shell and the more whimsical the hue of the purples fading into a sunset of peach pink, the more joy your offspring will have in youth. I totally just made that up ahaha. I got lots of stuff for free for being a smooth operating Rockafeller, of Oysters.

Delicious. When we were over at Oyster Boy later on we discussed zombies and then we heard zombie movie plot ideas which was a perfect segue in to my B movie concept of rogue bicycles that come alive at night in Toronto causing mayhem and destruction and in the morning lock themselves up again and we’re all clued out on who is doing all this shit to our fair city and then we ghost ride BMX’s down hills and crappily construct the action sequences with CGI technology or something out of the Edison Twins. When is Strombo going to have me on his show?

Allergies and the grid lock traffic up Dufferin from our place and everyone staring at me/us like this O_O made me have a suck attack. TOO MUCH ATTENTION and my eye was gushing plus I didn’t grab makeup to touch it up and felt like a clown in this get-up. We went to hand out fliers and eat dinner. I like the idea of a dinner being at a food gala, I love activities as my ADD is getting worse with age so this was a good idea but we were starving and on death’s door on this fantastic voyage and thanks to the zombie tool walk our cab never came, even called us twice to tell us it would be later so we hoofed it, starving and freezing and dressed for the food show as well as sex show (which we never made it to, zzz). Only pussies wouldn’t follow through with something like this you know? Life is short, vive le freak.

They were wasted too. Alright!

Just a nip before my flight. Hahaha. I ploughed through the gates with my wine not knowing you couldn’t leave the drinking area cos onVIP night (thursday) you could go everywhere with booze. Everyone liked seeing that scene go down and then I soonly entered an absinthe vortex and suffice it to say never made it to the sex show. meh.