queen of hearts gardenesque view yesterday late afternoon. i avoid the roof altogether if i can manage it during the day otherwise i won’t get anything done. lying in the sun in those loungers then somebody might bring you a drink, game over. teacher went to wonderland today (AGAIN, how is this teaching?) forgot to dump these bad boys onto his computer. yeah i get to use his laptop during the days if i want he’ll leave it, but, not like you will need it at wonderland.

my hair looks funny. post shower roof insta-drying. good idea me let see how crazy my hair gets. i guess i have kinky hair now that the texture has changed to platinum. i have resilient strong hair. it can handle all the garbage i do to it. i also baby it.

i felt like a mess here. i am still emo. blond is a good fake out all around.

seriously have to get sunblock. i do not want to turn into a leather raisin.

dinner.

and my face is going to be mega tanned therefore will have to buy darker makeup and so it begins. i am turning kiwi for sure i belong someplace like that anyway. maybe i’ll go visit natalie in melbourne.

and i’ll need a new suit soon don’t think resorts are into people holding up rags to their bodies.

stella wanted to murder the dog next door, this was the brief moment when she was allowed up with us. this drink is white peach crystal light (half packet) with soda and riesling, bit of lemon too? i was sun stapled into the lounger and needed emo punch but was in bossing around concubine mode, told him this is the drink to make, and he did. impressive.

80’s raymi.

the secret to this sally hansen polish that is soo watery and annoying to applique, so i never bother to wear it BUT when i bother it dries phenomenally and gives a long last.

ok one of us lazy asses is going to have to remove that soda water bottle. telltale sign that a drunk lives here if there are soda water bottles. this is storm night watch.

when it started pouring they turned out the stadium lights thus un-illuminating our storm shoot.

was good while it lasted.

can you see lady garbage?

yeah cool safe. that’s a long fall moron.

my mystery olympus can still give’r.

i finally timed a lightning strike. strike!

eerie.

hot sauce and bitters land.

everyone got a button applicable to who they are. rob got the pirate eye patch one. luc a pink one and melodie a cute rocker?

i use teacher’s imac wireless mouse case as my jewelry container.

my nail polishes match my candles.

some of the coat rack contents aren’t coats. some are pants and my belts, nylons, haha. i’m in a don’t live here nor there stage so my stuff is all over the place like an infestation.

a lot has to do with stubbornness.

long lasting flowers though today i think they may be pitched. bit wilty.

late night kitchen begins.

the crackers are rice and caraway seeds. yum. two kinds of mustard. grilled chicken…

cheese in the foreground is very nice. i buy cheese based on smell not by name.

altaraymi. raymi’s altar. we pray to hello kitty.

then i psycho cleaned and rearranged the fridge.

i look like i should be wearing a maxi dress and dancing in queen’s park to reggae.

we put the umbrella up when it was a downpour but then that tricky lightning came back and i got scared so we went inside.

hmm what should i eat today.

i want to wear my jumper but i think it might be way too revealing for parkdale, maybe for the party later. that and crimpy pigtails?

apparently tomorrow it’s going to be 40 billion degrees, therefore, NO ONE is going to be on the internet, henceforth this blog post.

i fucked myself over in removing commenting well, making it so you have to register, so less comments and less clickbacks, less pageviews, and my rank plummets but it’s weird still as my traffic is still high. i dunno. i am obviously too emotionally tethered to blogging, like stockmarket crash reactionarily-so. bad.

f it dude lets go blogging. but NO. lets not! lets catch butterflies and cook in the sun and and and.

we are going to watch round two of never let me go. highly recommend. book and film both. i feel like i am watching my friends, i felt that way when i was watching it last night alone. in a world with these people i watched before in my mind from book. i am talking oprah gibberish now.

don’t worry girls, these underwears are size extra large (shirt is medium). you can like me still. i am an amazon, cotton shrinks and it’s what was in the swag hag bag. i would hike them up over my love handles no matter what cos i have them i am dead set against muffin top and will delude myself into thinking i have one until i am in depends. i believe a normal girl person would wear these at hip, maybe these are teen sized? i don’t understand boy/brief design for girls. meh.

i’ve been rocking the no makeup for awhile, it’s part scary scarecrow freak show princess?

photo teacher took of me sleeping interruptus!

i think i blogged this one already. soak it in again sears girl shot. lets go for a walk!

mega eye contact.

side pony baloney.

sometimes duck face just happens i start to smirk then pull back then click.

fresh contacts chlorine eyes.

THE BABYSITTER II – $5 extra on the hour after midnight!

ugh the geek of your dweeb dreams.

all i can think of is snarky shit to write UGGGGGHHHHHH ACK!

wanna buy a watch? ok sorry i was just (not sorry) enjoying my physique.

and sharing the spotlight.

see how much weight he’s lost? me too. i pay off in many ways.

libville couples championships: destroying it.

gahah this reminds me of this:

that’s two michelle williams references today now.

i am swimming in my clothes too. i am literally a shrinking violet. my shirt is purple.

album sleeve. gratuitous.

my eyes are burning from the sun now. fading. faaaading..

haha wicked.

this was not my idea.

but i got in on it.

ha ha what the shit?

hay! O! spaghettio!

walked and rode bike to advhaus. it’s fine just a bit rusty. but then weird shit happens, gets all slow. i just had it tuned so what the f?

we are on the other side of the liberty ville tracks WHERE’S WE’S BELONG though teacher says otherwise. who cares. tracey shoes!

i just gave teacher three very detailed (helpful) and simple kitchen instructions and now explosions and catastrophies are coming out of there. get pan. heat it. put oil in it. heat that. make science happen by putting sausage under cold water, the casing will separate, peel it. that’s as much as he could take then all the pans fell out of the cabinet like a movie prank.

serious hug.

i dropped my top gun shades in the toilet so i left them at advhaus.

dweeb-ass. i need more running shoes. any excuse to shop. i do tricks with tall cans and purses and hippie grocery cloth bags merely clipped to my rack.

luc got a shirt couldn’t tell if it was for a chick or not. doesn’t matter looks good.

so eileen!

so not.

the awning created a cold spot.

me now.

harajuku gwen.

ok chef has to take the reigns now.

have a wonderful evening.

this weekend warrior is now clocking in for duty. diet redbull, lets do this.

it BETTER be a girl. i’ll have no idea how to raise a dude. well actually, i’d be very good at guiding the lil mawfucka on woman shit but i think it’d just stress me out as in, no girl is good enough for my son style. ack! notha worry for another day, many many many fucking days from now. NO i am not pregnant in case you didn’t get this.

shopping in liberty village is stressful and funny. it’s like couple competition awards, like walking through yorkville becomes an event just doing the shopping. enough already this isn’t rodeo drive, maybe in my head it is but relax expensive jogging pants slob children. we like to pretend to fit in. i think everyone else is too. buncha phonies.

on saturday i learned about the wonder of fresh funderwear.

teacher has learned a new weakness of mine to exploit. he picks up his phone and pretends to be talking to the store we bought this from and says what’s that? rip its head off? you think i should tie it to the back of my car on the way to work? use it to help unclog the toilet? then i start howling screeching whining NO NOOOO and grab for it. yeah. it’s like that.

or i can’t breathe silent laugh gasp for air, maybe even a little drool. i am beautiful. quite.

spying. teacher saw they had left out a bag of something one day, so close but so far. he considered a contraption of sorts, a claw. i said yeah they exist, they’re called old people claws for doing the christmas tree. then we got in a fight cos he didn’t believe they exist. THEY DO. my ex’s mom has one omfg i am getting angry right now haha.

that store better let me exchange this ring, it’s too loose. the pink one is fine.

easter bunny gangster’s wife more like.

dear hair, keep growing.

mel’s prezzies from paris. oui oui. we all know how i feel about presents. yes please and more of them.

i love adventurehouse’s front nook. brosz7 said it’s like a cottage.

gluten free dough pizza. when you order online and see all the crap to choose from it makes designing your pizza pizza (garbage) pizza a lot more chi chi. you can pretend you ordered it from amato (and would have if it wasn’t midnight). i tricked this one out hardcore.

excuse my side thumb grit. these harajuku things are darling, keeping a package for myself. i’ll wait til my movie scene is shot though, i want to have crazy long nails in it. i saw a girl awhile ago with long nails and was impressed, she goes yeah it’s my “thing” having long nails. ok well that’s a little sad but, they’re beautiful all the same. i want in.

stella got effed over for her sunday walk. we went out finally, learned how nice it was in temp, she got the mini-est circle walk and was nexted. she gets way more walks now thanks to me, took her for a long run the day before this, that she ruined slightly. i’ll take her out after this blog post. maybe we’ll share dog cookies. kidding. they’re too bland for my palette.

ahahhahahah.

i was not digging my do.

i said i would bitchslap the crazy park lady’s tulips (i wouldn’t) when i was pretending to do parkour off the side of her house to demonstrate a point i was making, a parkour point then we went ghetto speak and i was like i ‘ont care holmes i’ll bitch slap her tulips.

hey did you just come from the cottage? he said that’s a d squared hat, probably fake, from brazil? he’s been to all these euro places. i am jealous.

i belong in venice. wherever the tourist was filmed. or here.

my green leopard print sweater no longer fits me right.

how to get free oj. order your sparkling then ask for a little splash of oj. it was only cos i wanted a full glass of champagne (last bender for the month) and am a lush. our waitress was v kind. i am budgeting (failing poorly at it) right now so the extras matter and are appreciated.

this is not budgeting. delicious and worth every penny. life is about treating yourself sometimes and enjoyment. i never have burgers so when i do they have to be fit for a queen.

i torture myself and do little mind games to assuage the guilt i said not to let in, for example, salad over fries. the eternal struggle people worldwide must ask themselves, do i want fries or salad? maybe everyone in places fortunate enough to have an ordeal like that to worry about but anyway, i didn’t sneak a fry from teacher’s plate. normally when you order salad that means i am going to eat at least 20 fries from my dining companion’s plate anyway, they will offer or feel guilted by my salad ordering then it becomes half and halvesies. lay’s betcha can’t eat just one slogan, while effective, also rings so true. if i put one fry in my mouth i then know what they taste like so then i’ll have more and more and then hate myself. therefore, i won this round french fries.

holden caulfield called he wants his glasses back.

oh my god i’m just so happy this didn’t happen while taking a photo of me or a video. one million per cent not my fault. sorry baby.

isn’t there an app that has a fake shattered skin? why the hell? teacher goes yeah i’ll just say i have that app hahaha.

it happened when we came back from market. no before. after the drake. got it.

hoodie’s with stomach pockets are bad for washboard stomachs. insta-first trimester much? so if you’re on the fence, suck it up (and in) and go with a little cardi instead. me? this was necessary for liberty village so i could go in and out unnoticed.

be sure to posture it up and pull that sweaty down when posing.

FINE!

stocked up on my hot sauces. teacher’s like hmm with this one i am playing a drum and that one i am on fire. the lemon drop shots i made us post-iphone smash (to cushion the blow) made shopping a lot more hilarious and enjoyable instead of temper tantrums and speed walking. i’m a matouk’s girl though as well as mados omfg darius bring me some mados from mitzi’s.

pointing out yes flowers. i like yellow roses and peachy, what are the roses called that look like pink ladies (best apple name EVER!) in colouration also while i’m at it can i get a hell yeah damn raymi you so whimsical? clearly.

good idea. diamonds IN your roses? that’s so raymi.

for people with portion control issues and midgets.

and what is the deal with old guys and popcorn? the older you get the more popcorn you eat. watch out for that. i am never eating popcorn again then. i like how the photo is a guideline for how old you have to be to eat this, a little kid or my papa.

i work out three times a week honey (more actually) so you get to carry all the groceries back.

then i psycho cleaned the kitchen, the fridge too. finally.

made a video of the fridge’s contents. can’t tell if that’s appealing or not, or if the video is boring. i’ll watch it in a bit.

we went up to watch the lightning storm and have a drink before i made this charcuteraymi board.

nice lounge music lulz.

teacher didn’t last long for the movies. i stayed up by myself a bit and watched never let me go. i read the book. it’s amazing to see it come to film. didn’t watch it all though, hoping teacher will get into it with me tonight.

and i think that girl who looks like michelle williams is not actually michelle williams. i should imdb this thing NO TIME NEVER ENOUGH TIIIME!

mid-lightning strike.

i was balancing mystery camera on my head to try and time my photos. i was like ok be one with the storm, anticipate the next strike, trying to remember how to time the counting from thunder to lightning but it doesn’t work that way and i am not a weathergirl.

no that’s right because i am actually a sorcerer. a conjurer of lightning.

teacher told one of his colleague’s who said i was lethal looking that i also do cute nerd too, i’m not all that scary.

ok honestly now, how old do i look? am i doing alright here people? say you didn’t know me or anything about me and you stumbled upon this website, how old would you guess that i am. be honest you won’t hurt me, only yourself, because if i don’t like what you say i am going to strap you to a boulder and launch you into the grand canyon.

i’m just afraid i am going to turn into madonna and sleep in plastic bags the size of mattresses filled with miracle body lotions and work out my brains off and have a crazy weird yoga fit body but the head of a babushka. i am going to get 4 harajuku boys except they won’t be harajuku, just boys, four of them, and i’ll zap their youth apparently that is how you stay young by manipulating the young. on it!

excuse me young sir, i have lost my puppy can you help me find it? oh look, i have a mars bar in my purse just for you. do you want to go to the penny arcade i have all these unused tokens lol. ew gross i just grossed myself out.

my friend came by for a lil hang sesh with teacher, i missed it though cos i was doing errands.

apparently she stayed foreverrrrr and just wouldn’t leave. ate the rest of the snacks and drank all the coffee.

better keep my eye on her. i think she’s a grifter.

makin’ herself awful comfortable.

i think we need to have a friendship intervention. she scares us but we can never say no to her.

she always playing us and shit. not cool.

blahah the first time i jammed it in there when my vision came to fruition.

i don’t know what that salt sweat stain is. what the hell?

alright you get the point.

Carole’s Cheesecake CAKE BAKING event has been switched to just the june 15 date now fyi, june 8 canceled. phewf so now i will only be one cake’s worth of fat this month.

everyday i wake up to extreme insane-o comments in my youtube channel, yes people, there’s a whole “‘notha” realm to ma realms. on flickr for example, i have a HUGE following there that i completely ignore, same for youtube, cos they’re the lowest of the low in form of repugnance and disgusting trolling, opinions, commentary etc. i only care about YOU GUYS! the one video i receive the most comments on is one for q lazarus’ gooqbye horses. it’s one that continually keeps on giving and has taught me a lot about our fellow humanlings online. the video has been viewed almost 105,000 times, i posted it in 2008. i no longer live in that condo and that life no longer exists (and it sure as shit isn’t christmas anymore nor was it when that vintage sign was hung, youtube trolls know nothing about irony) but cos of the beauty and magic of the internet, i get to go back to that world again and again by way of 1. silence of the lambs fans who identify with buffalo bill, a psychopathic cross-dressing murderer. cool.

now not realizing this was the song in the SOTL movie when the penis tuck makeup scene goes down, you can imagine my surprise when comments started rolling in. here’s one i awoke to this morning,

I’d like to make a skin suit out of her, but she looks Jewish. So if I wore her skin over my skin I would feel dirty.

aaaand i think i am going to make an example out of this pukestain now. when i get back from the gym.

another:

merry fuckin christmas

and

this mutha fucka has it tuck in too…

and

the cat wants to bang her…

ugh

THATS A FAWKING DDDDDDUUUUDDDDDEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! !!!!!! U RETARDS

i wish i had time to go look at these loser’s youtube pages, i did at one time, they all have silence of the lambs favourited so, that speaks volumes to their delicate states. i am dealing with gender-conflicted haters on the internetz. maybe i should just own it and like BE their drag star no?

What a skanky ho. Not that I’m complaining, mind you… 

haha

damn…I haven’t gotten laid in weeks.

two people thumbs upped that one.

wtf!? “it rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again”hahaha

many quote the film. i am so fucking sick of hearing it i know that scene by heart now and i haven’t seen the actual movie in years. thanks psycho killer fantasists, dear jodie foster you can find the bad guys in my channel.

You look like the singer from the Ramones.

yup i knew that already.

i dont really know what to say -_- damn you are just too fine of a woman

thank you. a lot of the hate spurns from misdirected sexual aggression. they think i’m cute but i’m in their weirdo reality/universe so it triggers a reaction of contempt.

The most sexless awkward thing I’ve seen in awhile. The cunt is totally full of herself, despite the fact that she looks like a dude with long hair from behind.

and

you all know thats a dude, right?
+

i am i love with you

+

godamn! if she isnt hot as fuck may the devil take me to hell now

+

That’s def a dude rockin the wig! Lol at these clowns!!

anyway there’s tons more filth to go through if you’re bored this manic monday. these turds are so stupid and a waste of your time, eventually i think someone will do a case study on the internet troll, specifically youtube troll i hope. like, how is that a life for you? i would post an update like hey morons this is what i look like now, still not a dude, are you really that stupid? but then it would turn into more stupidity, the infestation of retard is uncontrollable.

that woman beside me was going through menopause and was hilarious. i asked for a patio blanket and she burst into (flames) laughter, she was boiling hot and her face became redder and redder as we gabbed and everyone at their table seemed to be eating food they brought from a cafe, pre-packed stuff, salad, sandwiches wtf haha they said our burgers were expensive i was like well, look where you are jeez. they said i was lovely, to teacher. i was. and am.

it seems we have figured out that photobooth videos do not upload properly to youtube. weird. they speed them up crazy time, whyyy?

captain kitty bunny HQ out.

+++

flattering email dept. says:

hello…

not to sound too guh-zay or anything but…. i want a pic of you on my desktop for inspiration. there are alot of things that i admire about you, or at least the person that you make yourself out to be on the internet! is there a picture you would recommend?

i have no idea what kind of response to expect, if any. but hey. thanks

xo violet badbunny

any suggestions people? got a fav raymbo pic? what stunt should i next do?

dropping knowledge on elitist hipstery: we got money but we are NOT going to leave the ghetto. we are gonna gentrify that shit and make it awesome. quotes from my vid. i calls it as i sees it.

uh yeah. cleaning house will be tomorrow. sayonara saturday!

wait for my tuuuubular jump halfway through. tomboy dream girl.

sorting out my ride. trying to see if the tires are flat or it’s just all mangled or what. i think it’s fine. have to stop jackassing around though. not into replacing tubes.

a post run raymi hello to ya happy saturday.

on my run i learned how to rap this: IT’S TRICK TO ROCK A RHYME TO ROCK A RHYME THAT’S RIGHT ON TIME IT’S TRICK-AAAA! yup. insta-success. too bad stella is a neurotic bitch and blew my run and freaked out a ton. i brought lots of cookies with us. she is lazy and i am not teacher and have zero dog people skills (not true i just go mummy mummy in the most soothing voice ever and i also taught her the word treats).

stylexchange swag. i am liking these girl boy shorts. can i work out in these? i think there is a stigma in work out underwear even though it’s funderwear.

running face. didn’t take my claritin face. how does one inherit allergies? super wicked annoying. running while crying while teeth whitening while foaming at the mouth while the dog is flipping out and nails clawing at the sidewalk dragging me in the direction of home. at least we made it passed the drake so everyone on the patio having brunch thinks i am a blonde athlete belushi with dog companion oozing agility and grace. before that passing the bus shelter by mr. sub she went one way i went the other in front of all these people so i had to throw her under the bus and call her a lazy dog in front of these witnesses. wtf I am the one running here you are slowing me up everyone is nervous here ok lets just all chillax it’s just a dog and a crying girl running.

the allergens cried all my makeup off like a morning session at the motion room.

but who gives a heck about my face, really. it’ body time. from now on you may refer to me by THE BODY. that drink is called PAMPLEMOUSSE GOOSE.

i ran with my ring on because i wanted everyone to know i just stepped off a cotton candy diamond cloud.

movie night.

weirdest most annoying intersection ever, all these angles and whaaat? ok lets backtrack to cross, fine, weird diamond shaped street planning. that’s twice i said diamond in this post.

i have dumb eyes here. cute. see how i shape shift. new girl every night. who do you want? take your pick sir.

so not a fennel salad. maybe 2% fennel the rest being steak egg weird fried chip things. retarded and most expensive salad, as usual. theme salads are usually miss and i think the pub chef needs to get his head out of his ass.

it satiates my no carbs restriction and bipolar requirement of 400 different things going on though. i will give theme salads that at least.

i found him. we have face photo disagreements sometimes.

the lighting was accentuating the bags beneath my eyes or, maybe that was just the bags beneath my eyes. sigh.

awesome moment what i captured. because i am awesome.

i dunno but somehow, this is teaching. brilliant.

found you again. face in a pint. BIG SURPRISE or should i say SLURPRISE? AAHAHAH haha. yes. high five me.

i like that shirt. ben sherman. hmm for some reason you just became more impressive to me. no relation. lol. haha people and labels. never fails. it was worth the money to make everyone around you feel like shit -name brand anything.

we look like sisters here. dimples and sunshine and glasses sisters.

that was clem’s shirt. he left it at adventurehouse. lucas thought it would be his. i passed it off when i was done with it. all my man shirts go to mel inevitably cos she likes to gender bend plus, she is beautiful enough to dress like a guy, see? we recycle shirts at advhaus but stay out of my underwear drawer!

yes i am sick of this shirt too. seeing it. not IT the royal it because it is so cute. it’s like my brazenhead uniform. uh oh, she’s drinking at the brazenhead tonight.

nice patio.

feed the monster sun.

fresh air and weird drinks. this weekend is my last fun ride then it’s all stringent consumption til my film debut. who is my love interest in the cast? if this dude is skinnier than me i am going to be a full on psycho for the next month.

ok back to passively attempting to clean up this sty. what are you dweebs up to?

xoxo