beauty currency

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647692704/in/photostream

hello summer. heard you were back in town.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647691630/in/photostream/

the vitamin dizzle today oh so enriching and helpful. some people got day time drunk today. not i sir, not i. seeing other people inneebs is enjoyable up to a point. i took the pooch for a long walk did a big circuit new stretch of town together it was fun. i don’t have to force myself into digging health and wellness as much it’s just natural now. you get into funny little self mind games to get through it. bit of arrogance. own it. own the strength and will power.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647689122/in/photostream/

woah crinkle eyes. sun was in them and i’m not wearing makeup so not so bad hey if i was on survivor i wouldn’t look that rapscallion fraggle rock.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647687204/in/photostream/

you are my sunshine.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647122803/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647120405/in/photostream/

this is after my long walk with stella.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647681890/in/photostream/

whups a bit see through there.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647679598/in/photostream/

having vanilla roobias tea, head a bit sweaty from my brisk walk therefore le hat. the wind up there you know.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647677980/in/photostream/

teacher needs to clean up the roof.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647675632/in/photostream/

i am putting my vote in for some nice loungers, hotel pool grade. mmhmm. bringing my tan back.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647674504/in/photostream/

blah doye.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647109337/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647108155/in/photostream/

perma tired face though i gave good face earlier at easy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647107195/in/photostream/

pre mac is back in action. missed her.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647106087/in/photostream/

she was all tanned too. her outfit was very orthodox wifey, black stockings in the sun, hair kerchief, yuh yuh my jam baby, j date hell ya. ha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647669098/in/photostream/

my stupid experience at easy, no, smug experience. ordered all sides. horriblest orderer i apologized profusely. grilled green tomatilles, sprout hot pepper salad minus the hot peppers and then a pile of leaves then a cup of olive oil. i left kind of fuming. meanwhile skid row degenerates teacher and pre mac are having hair of the dogs and there was a lot of giggling it was funny but then i cleansed wigged out and took off to advhaus on my own (i’m not wearing any underwear i have to go!) then collected weird pieces of clothing (the disorganization of my stuff right now is also making me crazy).

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647616682/in/photostream/

and first day of spring “needs” like will i be wearing the right clothing? just shut up and get out there basically. so nice and balmy right.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647616494/in/photostream/

my hair was insane.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647052397/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647052303/in/photostream/

stella and i do a good clip. i might start running with her even.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647052197/in/photostream/

emo tunnel.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647616058/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647615812/in/photostream/

it was sunny i swear it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647615950/in/photostream/

HIPSTER DOG!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647615694/in/photostream/

doot deet doot.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647051581/in/photostream/

some real artists out there.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647051451/in/photostream/

see? so retarded. i ate my green tomatoes before i could photograph them. ever lovely.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647615310/in/photostream/

BUT! i didn’t feel logy afterward you know when you go for hangover brunch and then you’re all nappy and gross and baby sluggish whiny afterward? nope not i sir off i went, so light and free.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647615130/in/photostream/

i looked like this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050991/in/photostream/

i’ve dropped the ball on my nails at the moment. don’t have my girl products here like the extras so when they chip i just add weirdness. need to go see minx asap.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050835/in/photostream/

harry potter is terrible. so boring. so draggy. so dark. how is this enjoyable i asked myself between almost dozing out completely.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647614744/in/photostream/

ugh meanwhile.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050665/in/photostream/

i can have sweet potato so had a bit of sweet pot from fresh. these onions are quinoa battered, which i can also have, and onions are good for me right now or everything, kill all bacteria jeanette says. already over quinoa by the way haha it looks so weird in the bag eh. like goosebumps. ew. i also had a salad, that’s miso gravy (yum) which i added to sweet potato soup today and vegan mayo. assume that is also fine by my dietary restrictions. i think health nuts are so strangleable though just going to throw that in there. i have a large glass jug of spring water on its way to me v soon too. yeah it’s very special water too. hahaa.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647614564/in/photostream/

yesterday felt cuckoo bananas. everyday feels cuckoo bananas. parkdale is getting crazier cos of the warmth everyone is out and about.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050457/in/photostream/

sensory overload maybe? coming out of our winter nests.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050375/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050273/in/photostream/

might go to a show at the great hall, might not. might be good to stretch my legs though. i can always leave early if i get annoyed. which i will, then i will.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5647050159/in/photostream/

ok a new person just showed up have to be hosty now byeeee.

cleanse day 3

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644087570/in/photostream/

feeling better today and great actually. it’s going to be 19 yay!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644076278/in/photostream

i’m buying a new outfit later, after brunch. fun fun.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643509281/in/photostream/

jeanette says you can get this big bag of sunflower greens delivered, 18 bucks. pretty decent. can’t stop thinking about them, some were in my fresh salad last night.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644077754/in/photostream/

view from the east end. the rooftop across the way is pretty neat, too cold to spend much time out there spying on it all though.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644079154/in/photostream/

i’m grappling with my body lately (clearly obviously and always) but i am more accepting of a bit of a bigger look (conditionally) once in awhile, if in the right outfit. bonnie women are coveted by men, older men specifically (not the weirdos though) to have meat on your bones can look good for sure, in the face too, makes you look younger. fat can be useful. my mom said when you age if you lose weight it just makes you look tired and older. truth. so you have to do it gradually. i’ve yo yo’d weight on and off like crazy and i always notice it right beneath my eyes. anyway this photo is just a pervy close-up, i hate close ups especially when i smile cos then i am all face and i usually have bits of wild hair all over so then it’s like fat beaming face and yeah, just fat. but to dudes, this is exactly what they want. drives me mad.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643512015/in/photostream/

she’s all, the cleanse doesn’t start til tomorrow. so i pretty much starved myself all day for nothing. fantastic. hook me up with some salad please and don’t bother with the feta i am serious about beginning restrictions stat.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643514637/in/photostream/

here’s where it all kinda starts to sink in.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643516557/in/photostream/

let me introduce you to my present hell. there are multiple possible reasons as to why i haven’t gone yet aside from day one. a lot of it is psychosomatic for sure, i can no longer blame cramping on my iud now that that thing is gone so i have to face the music, DO i possibly have a food allergy or something? why do i become phenomenally bloated more than a week ahead of my period? is it genetic? women on my mom’s side of the fam have the propensity to turn into bowling balls in the stomach. the amount of fluctuation i experience over the course of a month is just retarded and for someone who blogs incessantly i am certain it is annoying and boring as ever to hear every month. i don’t normally eat fruit and yesterday i made shakes so. blah.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644085606/in/photostream/

the monster refuels.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643518239/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644087078/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643520673/in/photostream/

woah i was pretty serious about this salad.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644089138/in/photostream/

i had seconds too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644089526/in/photostream/

this is the morning after pill i wake up to and then take again at night. SEVEN TIMES. with tons of water. i am bloated all day long. FUN. i need to buy a mumu for tomorrow seems like that is what my outfit is going to be.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643522163/in/photostream/

intestinal drawing formula capsules – soothes and lubricates – draws and eliminates toxins from the entire intestinal tract, pleasant, and that’s not even about the movement pills i am also taking. i would advise you not to try any of what i am doing unless under the guidance of a cleanse coach, but it’s a free country so haha good luck.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644092024/in/photostream/

these are my blue socks. this is me wearing them.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643526747/in/photostream/

eating and listening. stress eating maybe.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643527817/in/photostream/

i am a champ. it’s true. i can and will do anything.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643527279/in/photostream/

more listening. seriously. this is a serious thing.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643528775/in/photostream/

going over the guide now. it’s four pages. seems daunting but isn’t.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644097192/in/photostream/

what’s more daunting is giving up your social life. you get over it eventually. you realize how much you live how hard and fast and you consider everyone you know and what they’re up to and fuck there’s 52 weeks in the year it is ok to drop off for two of them.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643530119/in/photostream/

jeannette is super cute and spacey and smart and her nails are impeccable. good genes and good living proves itself. her teeth too? oh my god don’t get me started, perfect and beautiful. i am a teeth snob can you tell? fingernails too, and ankles hahaa i also have nothing but disdain for ill-fitting leather jackets. i should just write a loooong list of NO’s.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643530615/in/photostream/

then when i’m done all my pills i take these, at the end of the cleanse or week one, i’m still not done there’s more and then i can only have liquid food. that’s where the real work begins. so uh, this part, isn’t work?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643531173/in/photostream/

no i never stop.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643532399/in/photostream/

those are my between meals pills. like better than any salad in toronto could give you all the nutrients in the universe. so, why then, don’t people just eat pills for food, so much more efficient right. the monkey wrench is that whole lifestyle thing, how fun is it going to dinner at your favourite restaurant to be greeted with a plate of pills to swallow with water. buh-oring.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644101524/in/photostream/

we are dependent on food for so much more than just eating and consuming it. it’s the entire experience surrounding the food, absolutely. even with boozing too, buying an outfit for the bar you’re getting sloshed at that night, getting ready, pre-drinking with buds. all the time involved in that hour spent at wherever FOR that hour could be days and when you don’t have to socialite anymore then you have so much extra free time to annoy and irritate yourself and everybody around you. what do you do?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643534649/in/photostream/

so, to summarize, the mental hurdles involved in a cleanse-gradual-fast, are epic, and you are too weak for that apparently according to my comments. i knew i could do this (pre-bragging) because i already took on my scheduled personal training workouts, i thrive on challenges, mental, physical, i am image obsessed (we’ll come back to this later on) and focused so it matters what goes in me and how many jumping jacks i do. we are dealing with a person who has never really restricted themselves before and if they did they sought out alternate avenues to satiate thy inner demon. i could never go to an ashram. i would love to, but i could never be one of those REAL minimalists that pompous a-holes like to parade around as. yes total minimalist with that $8k weird sofa in the middle of your spacious empty loft you just had to have to, what why again? sounds like a need fulfillment right there plus all your shit is in a storage locker anyway. or at your mom’s. what i’m saying is, i got lotsa ISSUES dudes and i am coming off alcohols and caffeine (constant headache from this) and food (yet totally bloated) and i just want to take a s—! please!

beautifat

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644281768/in/photostream/

i want to go peek inside. i have a suspicion it might have slid over to one of the sides of the box and i wonder if it’s shaved white chocolate on top. wait’ll you see the picture.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644281532/in/photostream

i think this may be the culprit to my immense and immediate cramping? oh well so far so good you live and you learn.

now here you go mom, the finale of my shake making. is she the only one reading my blog (and commenting) today? hello? assholes talk to me. i know it’s easter and passover and all that crap you have to pretend to care about but you can at least slip away for a second and tell me you like me thanks.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644281662/in/photostream/

me and my i am a nice girl cake. WHAT I AM A FUCKING NICE GIRL RAAAAAH!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644282082/in/photostream/

it’s like i am obsessed or something. so many people out and about today. lovely lovely yuppies. now what? i want to ask them. you have it all, right down to your bjorn stroller or whatever the hell that two thousand dollar thing is called. what i am actually obsessed with is liberty village. this one woman pushing her stroller and her severe face and her perfect husband, both so perfect, forced perfection though. her entire being seemed devoted to that exact good friday coupledom moment crossing our path fresh from starbucks, in the perfect planned neighbourhood’s sun. what that scene’s actually calling for is some good restaurants though that’s when it will all go to shit. when it’s a trend it’s the end. like how ossington doesn’t know it’s over yet? too bad.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643715255/in/photostream/

getting bananas from a ghetto variety store in parkdale. tis the life.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643715449/in/photostream/

hi teacher’s mother. what are my intentions with your boy? i have no idea what you are talking about.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643715577/in/photostream/

i come in peace. bearing a cakey gift.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643715681/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643715893/in/photostream/

didn’t want a too marzipany flavour (for them, i don’t get to have any) so i didn’t get one of these little guys. the vanilla one in the back was calling to me, not as much as the pink though of course. mrs. pristine said it was the big seller, v spring, these ones. but we have ten people to share with so a bigger one was what i settled on, not too showy but a little bit showy i know. i am pretending to be flustered and nervous about it. i like the variety of little cakes and cupcakes and other such colourful delicacies but it’s too expensive and then you HAVE to buy ten just in case right? with a cake there is definitely a solidarity of no i don’t want a slice for at least a couple folks so you cover your ass with a cake always.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644283180/in/photostream/

sigh. raspberry vanilla mousse. oh god, unfair.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644283304/in/photostream/

cb also has these gorgeous white antique looking white chocolate cookies? i dunno. i stayed away as much as i could. when i can’t have something there is no point in tempting myself which is hypocritical with all this food i am posting about ughhh. my fresh is here now so i gotta wrap this up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643716423/in/photostream/

drinking this at the moment. i just offered some to teacher and was like it’s pretty gay. what’s the point you know? i guess this is the point. people who can’t have caffeine. cleanse coach said i have to change my mentality, don’t think like i am being deprived. ok then i’ll think of it as a crash budget.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643716601/in/photostream/

bloomin onion and quinoa. i am already over quinoa. i need more spices and flavours other than firey spicy stuff.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643716785/in/photostream/

tasty stuff though. bought new fancy mustard. xx hot. not even that hot. delicious secret base of many many things i’ve concocted.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643716969/in/photostream/

not supposed to have vinegar. whups.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644284186/in/photostream/

i am over the no booze thing already. what i’ve gleaned is, caffeine is my trouble area holy monster madness without it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643717509/in/photostream/

i need to do my makeup right when i go to brennen demelo cos he blows my bangs out all like that and then it’s major under eye bags showcase especially on day one of a cleanse. i’m sorry i am being so irritating right now i can’t help it just come back in two weeks.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643717801/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644284938/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643718163/in/photostream/

brennen is going away for a bit but when he gets back will be doing blow-dry boot camps again (on sundays) which i will definitely be attending, teacher’s pet much ha. anyway chatelaine wrote about them even i asked how that happened and he said he just wrote to the editor. that blew my mind, that’s how i used to do it way back when, emailing everyone i could think of at magazines, pitching myself and my writing. i have to go back to emailing people cold-call style, it’s simple really. takes a bit of pizazz though.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643718373/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644285614/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644285762/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644286000/in/photostream/

brought my own tea.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644286278/in/photostream/

hi shawna! ever so cute as always.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643719509/in/photostream/

i don’t remember the orig name of this cat and i feel like a nerd when i call her by the one i gave it. i think maybe we’ll call her the barfer and the other one the sneezer.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643719645/in/photostream/

my cajun rosemary chicken who even remembers the f what else blend. was delicious. naturally.

i make crazy eyes in this one right off the bat.

as you were.

oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643937231/in/photostream/

i am cramping up like mad right now i think i am about to blow. i can’t blame it on my iud anymore, well, there’s working out a possibility of abdominal cramps. i am wildly hypochondria-city. uhh nope it’s what i think it is. may day. the teacher is laughing at me right now “the journey has begun” oh f—–k! if you could only see my jaw grinding teeth clenches right now and the moaning and lamaz style breathing i had no idea i was in store for this. anyway here i am making a shake.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643950449/in/photostream

i just made shake smoothies. and took more ass pills. ahhaha. i am losing it for sure.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643949027/in/photostream/

i do feel a heightened sense of sensitivity to stimuli, like i just threw a tune on that i like and i am 50% less bitchy than before, in a happier mood. stuff like that. going out to get non caffeine tea from starbucks made me happier too. the sunshine. the cheese boutique jaunt. to get an easter cake. i have to show up teacher’s mom. god i hope his parents never see my blog.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644509840/in/photostream/

we went to cb to get fruit. everywhere else is closed. colleague told me they were open and rammed. good insider info. one guy there asked me if i was working or shopping heh. had to turn down so many samples though, i felt bad. teacher was in a daze and also turned some cheese down and i whisper hissed BE NICER these are my people, i’m their girl, don’t you get it? it’s true, i feel watched there or just like, maybe everywhere but especially there so i try to be unassuming meanwhile wearing top gun glasses. mega-diva.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643938087/in/photostream/

ugh here comes a huge cramp wave.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644502422/in/photostream/

i discovered at the motion room today that my fat days (today) are what my skinny days used to look like. that’s pretty good no?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644501592/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644500906/in/photostream/

i am going to be styling my sunday outfit theme after the cake i bought from cb today. you love it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644500116/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644497720/in/photostream/

bombshell eyes. remind me to start wearing falsies. i have a post-cleanse reward list i am building. i just made up a new term: mascary-a.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643933197/in/photostream/

he told me to jump around. blurry town is the outcome.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643940581/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644509096/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643930091/in/photostream/

shake baby.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5644495174/in/photostream/

in the beginning it was low energy bitchitude. we were crashing.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643928503/in/photostream/

ok cramping out hardcore i have to deal with this now ha see you on the other side.

brain go slow

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643235915/in/photostream/

day 2 of cleanse and i’m about as smart and creative as i’ve felt when in a deep depression, not too swift on the uptake of anything right now. i went to bed at 9.30pm, the eve of a statutory holiday, no party for this girl. i am a crabby psycho bitch and time is going really real slow. why the hell does this have to happen at chocolate time? (easter) i’ve never obsessed about food longer or more than i am right now. my caffeine withdrawal headache went away but now it’s back again and i think i might be getting sick? though i might have invented that, i did have the chills last night for a bit and have them now. all kinds of interesting things are to come out of me pretty soon. am i even doing this right? i’m pretty schizophrenic at the moment, that’s what cleansing does to you. thoughts and emotions all over the place. no i cannot and will not come to whatever fabulous thing is going on tonight sorry, said in most gritchy tone ever. you have to be social though otherwise you will just go insane. so we’re going to comedy tonight lets see how funny people are when i am sober. i am so fun bobby, it’s terrible. yesterday i learned that i cannot moke-say the eed-way to deal as there’s no caffeine to cut the burn out with which is why i was comatose by 9. total wiener. i need to think outside the box more, think like a fitness freak, a healthy person, what do they actually do with themselves all day long?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643236171/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643804020/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643804278/in/photostream/

the teacher is home cos of good friday and i am trying to abuse him as little as possible. he is steaming my broccoli. he is doing it wrong. i would have done it myself but i have very little energy you see, what reserves i’ve got are there for whining moaning complaining pouting phantom crying and opening and closing the fridge while sighing profusely. he also had the audacity to go mmmm and smack his lips after a sip of coffee. i am pretty close to going on a holy war tirade about cigarette smoking too. fine. run away to your cigarette your crutch to get through life, blindly. i’ve been planning it in my head for days now hahaha. his not drinking out of solidarity with me last night lasted under an hour, some vodka made its way into his 7up. who drinks 7up anyway are you eleven? did we steal change from mom’s purse and ride bikes to the part of town we’re not allowed to go to yet to get it? haHHa ok broccoli’s ready see when i sees ya.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643802468/in/photostream

more torture. when you go to the deli have your meat cut into big slabs then cube it up and voila, super fun and easy meat source stirfry injection.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643235269/in/photostream/

homemade special habanero from nick. super hot. the best. i’m holding off on the heat for the next little bit i don’t want it coming out of me super hot and fast if you know what i mean.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643235583/in/photostream/

teacher bought me another bouqet yesterday when he went on a metro run. it’s widely known that with me “he is fucked” because i am an intoxicating trophy pill. his friends and colleagues have all said they’ve never seen him behave in such a manner before with a person. we have a good laugh over that. it’s funny to me just that, i had this hyperly (by my own doing) exposed relationship before and i painted him like a saint and myself like a crazy, like i am this difficult person to be with for 5 years and i don’t know why i did that. i am quite lovely, or was, now that i think back on it. now though? freak show maybe. the point is there are these special little things about me that if you get to experience them, “you are fucked”.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643804754/in/photostream/

i’m a terror and a monster and lovely, charming. pretty much every single range you could think of. i am relaxed and free. comfortable. teacher says he no longer reads my blog scared, as if another date will pop up. i haven’t been dating, i never said it was gonna stop but, for the moment i’m fine just doin’ this thing. i can’t conceivably date during a two week cleanse now can i? i broke my first cleanse attempt over summer, three days in come night i decided to hit up cafe taste. i let this guy pay for all of it. 1. lives in markham 2. shorter than what he said on his profile. it’s like guys don’t know how to measure or something, i swear. i wanted to punch him in the face. he’s like don’t break your fast for me, ok lets go out then. like what, i’m going to hang around a park with your short arse? get fucked! i am getting really angry right now haha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643237553/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5643295699/in/photostream

see the bouqet is fuller now? that’s me crazy cooking last night, was supposed to go to farmer’s market, didn’t. etc so on so needed food i COULD eat.

pray for mojo.

oh.

in honour of easter, how did jesus pick up so many chicks?

he was HUNG LIKE THIIIIIIIIIIIS.

Peace be with you!

DAY ONE CLEANSE GETTING HARDER

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641226489/in/photostream/

omg i am a frigging lunatic right now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641792472/in/photostream

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641224625/in/photostream/

i am shoveling slaw into my face at lightning speed. i have a caffeine withdrawal headache, i keep fantasizing about swimming in malbec and dark chocolate and the long stretch of fourteen days ahead of me is freaking me out.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641224799/in/photostream/

looking through my pictures of food is also killing me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641224967/in/photostream/

why am i torturing myself like this?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641793076/in/photostream/

but then i looked at chunky monkey pics and was set straight.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641225265/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641225423/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641793444/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641225759/in/photostream/

hang on i have to write a shopping list cos the one i wrote out prior was all schizophrenic chicken scratch. “you told me what NOT to get!”

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641793716/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641226077/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641226205/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641794150/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641794450/in/photostream/

the very last baddish thing i ate (just the cheese really). the teacher is spoiled. he’s not drinking out of solidarity. we’ll see how long that lasts. meeting his folks sunday. he is shocked i’ll be doing it without a drink. oh boy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641226777/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641226903/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641227057/in/photostream/

crabby bitch zombie me. brennen was like no wonder you’re so zen (very quiet). everyone was buzzing around with their coffees. one dresser there was also on a cleanse, asked me about my weekend plans. i was like there ARE NONE i am on a cleanse and she goes ME TOO then we immediately commiserated over mutual hells. she’s going to break hers tomorrow for a bday party.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5641227181/in/photostream/

just sent teacher out for metro psycho supplies. i am a peach. sure am.

look at the lovely thing michael sent me!

Carole & I wish to convey to you our appreciation for your visit here. You are a very special person. Your ability to absorb information is astounding. We were thrilled to view your day at CCC.

Please, we want you to know you are always welcome here – anytime. We see you as part of the family. The family table is always here to welcome you.

Your writings are from a different dimension, playful, avant-garde, true to your generation. Stay with it. You are showing the world how to live a real life. Your written words rarely exhibit your true persona, your thought processes are unique and always surprising. What a delightful complex person you are.

Michael

This is the sweetest most thoughtful thank you note ever and could not have come at a more welcome time thank you so much and looking forward to seeing you both v soon xxooxo

Ps so totally blogging it

Also no one before has been able to so succinctly put into words the disconnect between how I am in the real world vs blog so thanks again michael truly :)

cleanse day one

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640976668/in/photostream

slightly overwhelmed by all this but totally digging it too. i’ve just begun!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640976506/in/photostream/

last night’s send off haha. mom that’s your slip. i’ve misplaced the bottoms to that shirt (lingerie top half). i was going to get rid of it but now it’s back in the rotay, i suppose, for now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640976316/in/photostream/

hahaha this one’s funny to me.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640976222/in/photostream/

i am dying for a coffee right now. but no! no! i won’t. i am a needy person (hugely) so i’m augmenting my mentality asap. i do not NEED a coffee. i don’t need to reach for something at every juncture and stuff it in my face, drink it, smoke it, consume it. the buck stops now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640405189/in/photostream/

i need a kettle how am i going to do this? so he goes and gets me one (well the house needed it too) and flowers.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640976036/in/photostream/

i’ll tell you all about these in a bit.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640975866/in/photostream/

at jeanette’s, my cleanse coach’s yesterday. getting a run-down demo on what i will be embarking on.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640404865/in/photostream/

i had sunflower greens (amazing) and beauty tea, as well as schizandra berry tea which i am chugging right now. it’s one of the top 3 superfoods out there.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640975598/in/photostream/

the dirt on the mirror looks like a marilyn monroe beauty mark ha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640404615/in/photostream/

in rush hour traffic on way to east end. o_0 i realized 30000 times i wanted a coffee or something, i fixated on it. that’s bullshit. i was completely content i needn’t nothing is what was up. i must become of stronger mind and will, i am not a pussy or a quitter either. this is going to be the most intense thing i ever do. it’s sinking in that i have to do this for 2 weeks but i at least get to eat. i’m paro of the hippie movement formula though. it’s aligning with my cycle (pms) so i have those blues that i can’t drown in red wine cos of the cleanse so i have to battle everything on at once, as well as booze withdrawal and all the amazing foods that i love. comfort/stress-eating. gaah. i can do this. i have to do this. being a guinea pig is kinda my jam no?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640975200/in/photostream/

purple day. colour of royalty, not this tone though.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640404175/in/photostream/

i don’t sight see enough in my own town.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640363075/in/photostream/

woah crazy town usa. stoked to get my roots done in a little bit. it’s that time again. gwen stefani perfection time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640341545/in/photostream/

always a fashion show.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640341211/in/photostream/

i look like a blob in britt’s crochet dress. teach loved it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640911614/in/photostream/

i’ve been dining like it’s the last night of my cleanse for three days straight now and am a fluctuating heffer for it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640911302/in/photostream/

and right now i am totally bloated on tea and water.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640910668/in/photostream/

wonder when the DTs hit.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5640339683/in/photostream/

sloth life. ‘spect.

to warrant such iron fist governance

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638518472/in/photostream/

jeez man so much backlog and overtime who even knows where to begin catching up from. most importantly, who cares! vive le slackerdom. actually no, i have earned my slackerlike-ways.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638518626/in/photostream

casie was running by the park on her way to do an errand i screamed out to her.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638517830/in/photostream/

and here she is telling me about her five thousand things she’s doing for blog work or whatever i’m just like ahh yeah cool? i tire of the same blog client gig job whatever the fuck talk ok?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638517580/in/photostream/

see how annoyed my body language is hahaha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638517382/in/photostream/

listening? i dunno. we hadn’t seen each other in awhile, there’s everything and nothing to catch up on. i was in the middle of four actual jobs at the moment but i didn’t really get or have a moment to say anything about it. i think our alleged blog elephant in the room competition pressure (annoyance) is getting to me. i hustle my ass off the last thing i want to do is talk about how annoyed i am by that. i want to be a lazy sloth up in a tropical tree. i am over blogging. i want to shelve a bunch of jobs one after the other and take a long ass break. i know how much work is required of me in order for this to happen and so i am going one part psycho stressed out can’t even speak sensibly and one part charlie sheen. the next asshole who tries to tell me that blogging isn’t work is going to get a fork in the forehead.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638516994/in/photostream/

and here we have why i bother to make slags regarding casie and i’s friendship. look how genuine and meaningful i am when i first lay eyes on her. that shit is real life yo.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637939493/in/photostream/

before that all smiles too. see what a bit of vitamin d’ll do to ya?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638516590/in/photostream/

me and johnny rockstar one half of Live Better Local.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637939095/in/photostream/

amazing posture and skinny day for me much?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637938915/in/photostream/

one reason why lbl exists is cos this guy, an independent business owner himself, was fed up with, i dunno, nonline presence? (haha i just made that up i am smart) so he wanted to design a virtual marketplace, so, he did.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638515766/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637938255/in/photostream/

this was after my tealish and my grilled cheese. mmm i am starving. day one of cleanse is today eh. going to see my cleanse guru after this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638515336/in/photostream/

i was like do these pigeons have enough cookies you think? a manic dude came back to feed them more, could tell it was his daily OCD “thing”. sketchwoods park.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637937881/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638514840/in/photostream/

we ruined this guy’s zen bench moment. will talks loud. i didn’t ruin anything.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638514704/in/photostream/

what is this singles?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638514442/in/photostream/

ok snorington park. lets look at my hair.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638514152/in/photostream/

GROW mother–r!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637936669/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638513736/in/photostream/

there’s an odd little crimp to it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637936169/in/photostream/

now this shot is just weird. where am i???

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637935943/in/photostream/

oh hi there it’s country chic domesticity time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637935729/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638512856/in/photostream/

and cocktail entertaining courtney time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637935271/in/photostream/

sent her home with some to-go tracey fashion pieces too hahaha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638512398/in/photostream/

what am i hiding and from? EVERYTHING.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637934823/in/photostream/

oh how i have missed my beloved entertaining.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638511906/in/photostream/

today i took stella on a long walk and had a totally yuppie conversation with a girl in the townhouse naybe and we both lamented our past annex dwellings. she’s like how old is your dog i am like uh i have no idea it’s my boyfriend’s i think 12? and i don’t know what it is either, i think border collie something? she’s pretty skinny too eh. no matter that girl’s dog was the ugliest most pompous ridiculous looking thing i have ever seen. it’s a naked dog with weird hair and it was wearing a blue vest, totally gay. hilarious. stella fell in love too, they might start dating who knows.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638511688/in/photostream/

i don’t know what to say when i post pictures of him. TA DA! ? haha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638511468/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637933915/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637933647/in/photostream/

i said he could bring these to his students. he’s like, they’re highschoolers. oh. one day they will regress. everybody does.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637933359/in/photostream/

i think i am going to go to snakes and lattes at some point this week as i go through booze withdrawal. that’ll be some intense game of risk eh.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637932945/in/photostream/

terrifying even.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637932611/in/photostream/

these were delicious drinks. i want to perfect them with as little sugar as possible and as much flavour.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637932163/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638509240/in/photostream/

i look like a bitch here. that’s because i am.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638508802/in/photostream/

no i’m not i’m a nice girl.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637931225/in/photostream/

you wouldn’t believe the amount of gorging i did the last 2 days. i told andrew my trainer today and he was like o_0 ! yeah. big mac. sweet lulu. two separate stir fries (that i made). cadbury chocolate creme cakes that i made teacher drive to metro at like 11pm while i laid on the couch. i was like TOMORROW I HAVE TO START A CLEANSE PLEEEEEEEASE. it was easy. he wanted one too. we shouldn’t have put the box down at metro but we were pretending to be statues cos i saw someone i recognized and we didn’t want to be noticed (have to talk to them) and then i came to my senses and slammed the box down. we had the bag of easter chocolates in our basket anyway. i blame carole for all of this. the big mac i can explain though, i thought i was going to sound academy monday night. i am making big macs a sound academy tradition now. just listen to me alright this is all perfectly fine for me because i have a triple six-pack now haha. i ended up NOT going to sound academy, but still had a big mac anyway.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637930997/in/photostream/

food talk got boring sorry sorry. it is just taking a lot of will power right now not to get up and walk over to the cadbury creme egg CAKES box. they were somewhat of a reward because i had a procedure yesterday. i had my iud taken out FINALLY so i wasn’t feeling so hot. it’s been a source of stress and anxiety for me the last little while to be honest. anyway now it’s gone and i am allowing my body to just be free.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637930709/in/photostream/

she’s drinking pop. i laughed and said oh great now here we go with the comments.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637930417/in/photostream/

made my signature goat cheese basil on hot calabrese roll things. i forgot the tomato. oh well, the time saved was needed.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638507460/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5637929961/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5638506912/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635056635/in/photostream/

this bag was inhaled over the course of the weekend. no problemo. incorporated some into a cocktail or two. shaked the hell out of them the chocolate will dissolve, goes nicely with coconut juice. the froth. mmm.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635056493/in/photostream/

my slaw-egg-fry.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635056347/in/photostream/

with prosciutto. teacher isn’t really a fan of prosciutto, i am learning his tastes and distastes and compromising. tres housewifey.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635056203/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635056061/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635636948/in/photostream/

make sure you fry that slaw or whatever is in the pan into total dryness if you can manage if you don’t want gross sog to come of it. think that thai grill place in the mall.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635636826/in/photostream/

you still want egg fluff. i have learned to not fuck with the eggs too much just be patient and let them be. normally i’m so salmonella paro i’ll chop them up into nothing as they cook and then it’s just like, not even food, just pointless dried up egg. loosely scramble that shit.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635055631/in/photostream/

plate it on spinach with 28 year old balsamic, fry/heat some tomato slices, shave parmesan on top. no biggie.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635055453/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635636338/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5635055189/in/photostream/

have to put my eyes on now outta time miss you already!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5631613571/in/photostream

no wait theres more did i blog these yet?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629091304/in/photostream

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5628508013/in/photostream/

friday night in lib ville.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629090956/in/photostream/

not bad.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629090766/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629090586/in/photostream/

i have no recollection of posting these it’s been somewhat of an insane groundhog day/week/life. i’m gonna go with haven’t.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629090478/in/photostream/

seduction saturday morning go get me a starbucks. i was spoiled this day too though there was a method behind it. go or we will strangle each other if we don’t have at least 20 minutes apart.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629090296/in/photostream/

gave me an opportunity to clean up the crap from the night before and make myself look pretty to warrant such iron fist governance.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629090054/in/photostream/

like so.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5628506705/in/photostream/

bit of work out.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629089542/in/photostream/

saturday any and everything goes time. note how our morning began late afternoon.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5628506199/in/photostream/

it was a good and skinny day. a day for making dance videos.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5628506049/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629089022/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629088210/in/photostream/

i cooked us this at midnight saturday night.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629087496/in/photostream/

i broiled whole wheat pita with shaved parmesan. we had no recollection of this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629087362/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5629087130/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5628503503/in/photostream/

it snowed at one point also.

ok bye for real now.