i have a raging loner for YOU

one glass of charming with two heaping scoops of adorable COMING RIGHT UP!

i can’t BRELIEVE IT! breanna hi! i have a penchant for sailors. thank you for obliging.

our burgs are so good. almost as good as webers, which is HUGE.

my parents (roommates) showed up friday nite for the shit show what was droppin’ knowledge. so many youngers were floating around by the end of the eve i decided to start carding some of them (they got carded at the door anyway, just felt like being a little shitty, just a little). the power surge you get from that makes you feel ten billion years old and ubes cunty but oh well. the fear in the eyes is so worth it.

costume change, getting sweaty up there.

lady.

tramp.

french club fan. every friday nite if you’re a francophile you need to drop in and talk in your own tongue. duder in the middle is a big fan of mine. sans blog. i busted him on it too not like it’s not obvious. should i hit it? (kidding!)(MAYBE!???) lack of sleep is making me squirly and i’m trying to hammer this out asap to make it not too late to the game.

why do i dress so coyote ugly meets rock of love? T.I.P.S.

this chick: SO AWESOME. so snarky. call me agny-something (ridic eastern euro name). i think i’m winning the phone numbers contest. i think we should include doling yours out too. if it was biz cards contest i’ve already knocked that one out of the fucking park.

this regular, chris, agny was givin’ it to him hard. he’s another barfly fan. though he never drinks. i made him tip. you gotta pat to stay hombre. pretend it’s a titty bar.

closing time feast.

why am i making a getting blown face? mel’s makeup was so ON.

where did you hang my necklace?

me and tiny. haw haw irony so clever, clem threw that one out, not i. i’d much prefer to call him micro or molecule. guy can put away beer. we require his services for scary hip hop nite. some regulars were like this is the first time i have ever had to wait in line to get in to the central. such a party. we upped the price of pbr cos these young skeeves don’t tip. it was great informing them of why the price hike was in-effect and THEN you’d think you’d get a tip out of their shame. nope.

takes us awhile to unwind from the adrenaline work slaughter.

ma, pa, think i’ve found the one.

i think i identify most with the praying mantis. not the fucks then kills aspect per se, more so the lanky limbs and all that, and i think my face looks like a praying mantis’s? ok maybe the kill what i fuck/fuck what i kill aspect too afterall. in theory.

i love that everyone dances and cuts loose. best working environment.

teppei was like can you ask jeremy to pick me up for me and take a picture i am too shy to ask him. oh of course guy! i need to write a guide to demanding photos with people.

don’t know the story behind the flowers but i think we need to have some around more often. i plan to go to ed’s and get as many stupid magnets and things to decorate the kitchen door of. if you have any sweet ecclectic shit send it on by thanks.

lucas was on a tear.

kamila and i wore matching AA dresses last nite. we’re going on a girl shopping date tomorrow to buy more matching duds. pumped!

lucas’ record label is having a huge jam this coming friday you need to go. melodie is bartending. i’ll try to cut out early to make it i haven’t been out on a friday/saturday since i started working. not complaining, just saying. FRIDAY MARCH 5 – 8 WATERLOO TERRACE king street area some kind of loft? going to be catered and all, v swank. v hip. hop. HA hip hop joke ugh die.

i’m beginning to suspect that maybe clem has a napoleon complex. or he wishes he was coyote ugly. can’t believe there are two coyote ugly references in one post.

wish my flash could properly show the actual colour of my hair. i thought my camera bit the dust last nite, i dropped it while it was open/on when michelle came in with a bus bin full of snow and a full on indoor snowball fight broke out so fucking hilarious. clem fixed my lense so we’re all good though i was secretly hoping it wouldn’t be salvageable i am so over that thing.

time for some guns and roses? no problem.

somewhere in oshawa hearts are breaking right about now.

i feel suffocated looking at this one.

r’ok time to get out of the house. today’s menu: get a new hair trimmer before a race war breaks out in my pants. get my shit together to go get a tan. get to the central for the game CANADA CANADA CANADUGHHHHHHHHHHH!

note to self upcoming topics to forget to write about:

-how irritating it is to be pestered by social media brats about how uninterested i am in social media meanwhile no one fucking invites me to these alleged dying all over themselves amaaazing parties.

-how to be a girl’s girl, guide to.

-post secret rippage.

every girl i’ve ever had

hi raymi,

it’s me, again, sofia. i don’t mean to bug you. i know that you likely get many e-mails from people looking for excuses to e-mail you, but even though admittedly it’s partially that, it’s a connection i’ve been feeling with your posts lately. and yeah, i know you probably get that misidentification too. people who are nothing like you claiming to connect with you, and being repulsed by that connection. (speculating, borderline presumptive.)

i used to write a really frank blog that had a large audience, but nowhere near being written up in the paper levels of notoriety. and that armchair psycho-analyzing was common. annoying, a dime a dozen. you’ve covered this. it was funny how common it is that people assume that everything you present is access to the inner you. i think when my blog had zero audience, that might have been partially true, but that is painful when you have shit-for-brains commenters spitting on your heart every day, or phonies who think they identify with you (me!).

people take your public vulnerability for granted. they’re invited to make judgments because of the format. and everyone is shouting to be heard in the mess of voices that populate the cyberwebz. it’s sometimes hurtful, but mostly just annoying. this e-mail isn’t telling you anything new, just that you do have thousands of silent readers who connect with what you say and write, and on a sensical, meaningful level, one of them, me, up until recently-ish, i guess (reading since 2004 or 2003, whenever matt good started linking to you).

best,
sofia

my two sense ]sic]

Raymi I have been following you for a few years now, and I must say I can really feel the melancholy you are feeling in your posts. I am sure you made the right decision with Fil but I am not sure what your life has become now is the right direction either. It is like everyone of your posts is about drinking, getting wasted, and hanging out at bars. I realize you work at one, but I think maybe that is one of the problems! You are obviously very intelligent, insightful, and many other positive things and I think you really need to channel your energies in something else. You are forcing all your smiles, and fooling around, and really would rather be somewheres else. Please try to take your tremendous talents and put them to better use! I would love to see that as I am sure many of your followers would. Only because I care so much, even though I do not know you. Gma Liz.

this is super irritating. do i write to people and tell them how i would like them to live their lives? writing is cathartic don’t read into it so much and literally. my life is more than my blog, i censor it and keep a lot private so don’t worry and don’t get on my case for being emo holy shit, this is why i dont blog my feelings cos then 500 self-proclaimed therapists come a-knocking. im in my twenties and i live in a city. everyone drinks. everyone is sad. everyone goes out at nite. i choose to glamourize the bar scene because to me its dark side is appealing and beautiful. this is my kerouac flaw. if you want me to go back to being a housewife blogging about food all the time im sorry but that shit is over. i find your email to be selfish. i understand the concern but really, way to piss me off.

and it’s CENTS.

i love to be self-indulgent while alone and blast out infinite sadnesses. it doesn’t mean i am a cutter and it doesn’t mean i want to die. get over it i am not going to climb a mountain of success just to make YOU feel better. i’m fine under-achieving for now and being around people again, whether in bars or crack dens, i spent the last four months isolated in a stressful shitty private/public rebound relationship so who the fuck are you to tell me what to do next or which direction to go? you know which direction YOU can go? the fuck off my blog and stop emailing me, we aren’t friends. learn some boundaries.

people have delved into my life e-fucking-nough, fil’s also. we aren’t your little sims you can control or have some sort of influence on so get over yourself asshole.

WOW, did not expect such an angry response! I assure you that was not my intention! I apologize, I will remember to remember that you only put certain things out there and not to read so much into it. I certainly was not trying to be a therapist, I just want you to be happy. I apologize again…

thats ok. you maybe should have thought this through more before emailing it. i blogged it anyway to make an example of you cos i get this kind of shit all the time, dont take it personally. i certainly dont.

here is another example of, i don’t know what. many people i guess really want fil and i to be together again, our relationship gave you hope maybe?

nk: Where do you bartend?

me: The central
By the victory

nk: Cool beans.
Is it jazz-dominant in terms of music?
I remember it used to be.
PS – You are looking very good these days. You look happy, too.
Nice to see you buzzing around the city, out of the ‘burbs.

me: Oh thanks

nk: Had to take a bit of a break from reading you. I got emo after reading about your split.
But whatever. Just wanted to tell you you look cute.

me: Woah really
Emo over missing fil
We r friends again

nk: Emo over I don’t know.
But glad you’re friends.

me: Weird all the emotional reactions over us
So much projection

nk: I’ll be honest. I wasn’t that emotional. But the break was probably a good thing. Are you still in the annex?

nk: OK. Goodnight. Will drop by someday.
: )
xo

me: Sorry out when I shouldn’t be

i think it’s just painful to watch me right now in my alleged butterfly stage. naturally, fil was a mess after we split and i carried along seemingly fine, still showing a brave front cos i felt obligated to for this stupid mental illness blog. but now that i am coming undone and brave enough to show it, people can’t handle it. he was showing and sharing all of his pain while i kept mum as much as possible until i broke silence, then the globe article came out, then many other articles came out.

so basically, i cannot win here. ever. damned if i do, damned if i don’t. simply just damned. i get judged for any and every fucking thing i say, do, or wear, right down to my fingernails. i’m not saying it’s awful i’m just saying, holy shit, you guys are relentless.

Well thanks for putting my apology up there too! You really did blast me. And ofcourse it is cents not sense, I know better than that….guess I really was not thinking!
As I have three grown children of my own perhaps I was seeing it from my past experiences with them, two suffer from depression and one of them is still searching for his way in life. Again, I only want good things for you and meant well…

i think im doing pretty good with where i am presently and i am learning more and more about myself every day. you cannot learn under stagnant circumstances. i get enough unsolicited advice from my mother. i dont need it from strangers now too.

thanks, but no thanks.

UPDATE: ok sorry i am less angry now but fully embarrassed. don’t write to me when i am premenstrual, which is always. so basically, just don’t write to me haha.

less of me, some of me

yesterday morning.

this is how i found out my grandma died a few years ago. harsh, a little. i had left my phone at home this ONE nite, the only time ever. we went to see dave chappelle at massey hall and i assumed we’d get hassled over cameras and phones. stupid in hindsight like, i bet i was the only idiot who left their phone at home. after the show we went to the shoe for awhile. i got home to this before checking voicemail, didn’t have the heart to delete it. i have a little morbid to my spirit i suppose. for some reason this text comforted me. not knowing how to delete all texts to cleanse my inbox made it so i didn’t have to delete it. every so often i’d stare at it and show it to whoever i was with at the time. i gave this phone to melodie when my blackberry arrived and felt the need to take a picture of it before she deleted everything.

i like to think that while i was laughing at dave chappelle in the flesh, i dunno, my grandma woulda been down with that?

i was going to chuck this in a post with a whole bunch of typical crazy random pictures and captions but maybe it should stand alone.

i’ll scour my inbox for stupid messages i sent last nite while i barflied alone at mitzi’s. mel and lucas left earlier and allison bailed cos of the blizzard and shitty roads, they wanted to wait with me but i said no i wanted to be alone and felt content about it. there should be a bar show-up/drop-off service, it would help a lot of agoraphobic people out quite a bit. well i guess there is, it’s called roommates. the idea of walking into a place alone is frightening. i analyze my surroundings way too much and then i get mysterious in my head and think i should just go home and drunk write but no it’s better to be out amongst the living as i spend far too much time in non-reality as is, why rush home to write about the hour i was away from home?

i moved to the bar to get a better look at the band that was pretty good last nite and bumped into lindsey and her friends which was nice, we were both pretty laced. she invited me over to their (friend’s) place around the corner, it was fun. total characters. vodka was ordered. i didn’t drink much of it cos i didn’t need to. i hated myself for staying out so late but figured i need to do something aside from working and sleeping and blogging all the time. i was given a manicure, the shittiest goriest one ever, but kinda looked nice? one hand was camo easter egg spotted the other hand was a terrible french manicure by dom, who was competing with stuart. they both lost but i said they were both really good. any guy willing to hold my hand and paint my nails wins right?

took it off before i left.

lindsey went lady gaga on us. everyone busted out a nice little costume change, i liked these people. ian said he was the luckiest man alive when speaking about his girlfriend. they are going to panama soon.

urg lost some of this post cos we lost power. it’s back now so i won’t freeze to death.

Never read the book. Who is the chick interest again? I want to see it. I feel so removed from cinema and I hate that yet I’m happier in my life, somewhat having one, being less dependent on television meanwhile I am typing into a calculator phone in a bar surrounded by people.

if she is electric can i be electric too

hiding my face in my pint cos i couldn’t stop smirking from overhearing this cuckoo bananas reading going on at the table beside us. so much mumbo jumbo, loved the terminology. RIDE THE WAVE. CROSSING OVER. LIFE LINE. these chicks were so into it too. then they started talking about their blogs and then i diiied.

goan chicken curry. what does goan mean? oh i know here’s a quick joke. so this irish radio station (pretend i am typing in an irish accent here) is having a contest for who can come up with a word that’s a word yet not in the dictionary. some guy calls up and says the word GOAN. they’re like ok yes can you use it in a sentence? he says GO’AN FUCK YOURSELF! and hangs up hahaha. then the following week he calls back again, same contest, says his word is smee. they’re like good one now can you use it in a sentence? dude goes S’MEE AGAIN GO’AN FUCK YOURSELF!

AHHAHAHAHAHA ahhhhhhhhh.

mm i’d hammer this back pretty hard about now. it’s just ham though i don’t have any ham jokes sorry.

sorry artisan bread take a relax pill you’re making everybody look bad.

if this were a book cover, coffeehouse fags from the 90′s would beat off to it. oh my GOD have you read the velveteen couch yet? it is SO righteous!

sorry, can’t resist.

meet starstruck anna. she’s been reading my blog since she was 17 and came all the way from norway to gush all over me. she is now 22. crazy crazy. i love new friends.

i saw her from behind before she introduced herself to me and thought look at that chick in that shirt what a bitch hahahah oh man girls suck that’s exactly how it goes. i see great style and instantly think they are going to hate on me. ISSUES.

this picture is not cheesy, you are.

her friend’s band the name escapes me of They are called Julian Bachlow and The Good Times Running, so good and fun and great entertainers. goin’ places kids!

their dance moves are so key.

anna’s boss. rules. i was like sorry guy but you have THEE BEST hair i have seen all nite. he’s like i just got it cut. i’m all really? um, where? you look like a roadie. him: i used to be a roadie! me: so surprised! come back anytime you’re awesome.

another great band i forget the name of but should email me so i can get wasted at their bar. guitarist on the right ordered some fries and asked if they came with a dip i said yes, it’s called ketchup. the entire bar busts up laughing. i was super on last nite, until i cut my hand at least. i zinged him later on too he asked for some pabsts while i was not in the immediate vicinity more so thinking aloud so i serve them and he’s amazed by my pabst-appearing magic trick i just pointed to my ears and said you see these they can like, hear. cue laughter track. you can’t be a shithead to everybody but i knew i could be a shithead to him. then he started calling me ears hahaha.

teppei made some really good bacon tomato sauce. the pile of cheese he says is edmonton style. i thought it was just fat fuck style, which essentially is pretty universal.

party town crew made my nite and in turn i made theirs, they said the central is their new favourite bar. blue shirt (aka cowbell failure) paid my rent in tips what a gentlemanly scholar thanks magnus. trying so hard not to make a norwegian wood joke right now too late though i already said hard. i am going to wear bras every shift from here on in. cartoon character chest. i mean, i’m certain it was my personality what won him over. the girl and the guy are in that first band i can’t remember the name of i should have written it down. i never take notes, i always figure if it’s important enough it will come back to me in some shape or form. what an arrogant grandiose cosmic hippie approach eh, no wonder i am always behind.

anna’s bf in the old man hat. he was bemused by her lovin’ on me and kind of, confused?

no confusion here!

wish i could tell you what they are cheersing to hehehehahahahah. this wasn’t even near last call yet, two hours from it in fact. i kept them pacified right up to then. you’re on central time now.

killin’ me softly.

then look what we noticed! soul mates or, wait for it, SOLE MATES? my dad and i are telepathically high-fiving right now.

yesterday i decided i wanted the hairstyle of a jetson. i said oh no i raised my forehead, anna laughed at me, how can you raise your forehead? i meant eyebrows!

a little better.

having a visible tattoo is fun because people start lifting up their shirts. my favourite one anna’s boss had was of a teeny ferret with an angel halo and wings floating. he has a tattoo of all his pets. tuesday nite this dj kid alan showed me his massive chest tat of this thing it was pretty awesome.

see the ferret haha i love sense of humour tattoos despite this obviously not being at all intentionally funny. it is making me think of the cat came back song/cartoon (america you need to watch it, don’t hate me for when it gets jammed in your head forever though) when the cat finally dies and follows the guy up to heaven as an angel cat also roger rabbit when the bad guy weasels die they float up like angels holy crap i am five years old today one more baby reference and i am taking a nap with my binky. ps. how much did jessica rabbit’s body kind of make you a perverted deviant seeing that during your formative years? no, just me? shut up prudes!

how painful was that shit wow.

i’ve seen feet tats before and they’re so boggling and amazing. why not do the bottoms next hahah. re-reading this over i feel like typing teet fats. there TEET FATS.

ugh. i was wiping down a table by the stage and a glass shard stuck to some candle wax lodged in pretty deep and a huge flap of skin flip flapped i just stared at it in shock then it oozed blood. i pressed against it with my right thumb and raised my left in the air to slow the blood flow then one guy goes, carpal tunnel? i say not really then remove my thumb to reveal the gruesome RAIN OF BLOOD trickling down my wrist haha. it won’t require stitches so don’t worry dad.

hopefully not the only head you got last nite.

nice greasy teenager look right. i need way less harsh of a flash TOO MUCH INFORMATION IS GOING ON IN MY PICTURES. ooh nails are growing i might go for a manicure today. is it mean to go in with half sparkled polish on and make the girl take it off for me? it’s the hardest shit to get off ever. i should do it myself.

hello kitty band-aids can’t help me now.

DANCE TIME! had to do a write-up for this new website pool of all the businesses in the mirvish village. how the fuck do you convey this in a condensed about your establishment blurb?

how about I BET THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN AT THE VIC! (ps i heart the victory)

i chose the clarinet in elementary school (cos my brother did too, my parents didn’t want to buy another mouthpiece so i had to play that boring thing, fun eh? pfft) and used to serenade my brother and his girlfriend into the phone from upstairs or the kitchen phone (he on the basement extension) when he was hogging the thing all nite long. he’d lose it and chase me up the stairs. then ten minutes later i’d do it again. the best was when the reed wasn’t moist enough and it would do that high-pitch squeak that kills your brain.

HAHahaha what is this n’sync?

oh wait this is the cowbell song, what band are they spoofing, or what band are they? do i know anything? NO. more importantly, look how much i am getting stared at here.

sorry i blew this one xenia, next time next time!

COOL FACE!

day off time to clean my messy room.

for next halloween i am going as a wiener. my costume looks like this.

I LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH!

more cowbell FAIL

oh god this is killing me can’t stop laughing.

we were all beating the bar and doing the SNL sketch before i started filming and couldn’t breathe laughing then this happened taking it right over the edge.

these guys made my nite.

your shoulderblades like sails

oh liane. i was happy to see she was the leader of the party upstairs at work last nite. in case you forgot or are new here, liane and i met in england during our respective english exchange programs at the age of seventeen. she has grown into such a dreamy little adult but i can still see the non-adult in her, it’s so endearing.

so glad this came out blurry as that chick was too hot for words. i knew allison was coming in at some point but when i saw this chick i thought it was her and when allison came in she too was wounded by the beauty of this creature so i cut out early and we hid upstairs where there was less competition.

she brought her little sister katie who is painfully shy. quiet shy. then everyone talked about how shy she was and answered all her questions for her. aw. and by everyone i mean me but mostly allison. funny to see her in protective mode.

clam chowdaaaaaair special. i thought teppei said CLEM chowder ew!

erin’s amazing shoes.

boring picture much you guys? DO something next time if you’re going to mug with my camera. -headquarters.

talk about effort. i wish i made effort.

erin takes care of comedy nite and i have no idea how all these comedians lucked out with this little babe babysitting their asses. she’s a diamond in their scruff.

nails did!

i showed off my one figure skating jump and here i am landing it. fuck the olympics i got your olympics RIGHT HERE!

so ghey allison.

but you’re hot so it’s ok. i love that necklace. or that ten necklaces. also, calling all musicians who don’t deserve this poon-tang, allison is single. she requires a hot dirtbag to flirt with. get on this shit STAT before i do.

oh look it’s a comedian. this is dom. he is funny. two of his ex’s read my blog (hi tania!) he broke the bands vs comedians tension really well by making fun of skinny pants and getting one of the guys up to bu-dum-dum-ching the drums after each joke tanked. speaking of me and my blog, i’ve been meeting lots of people who read my blog lately, or know someone who does. it’s neat.

my face is so red. i tanned without makeup on. i look like a ginger who fell asleep wasted in mexico.

ben is schooling me on stand-up. i really want to do it. took some videos of him giving me lessons i’ll share later if i remember. it was his idea for the myspace picture not mine i’m way cooler than that.

ok lets pretend we’re having a great time aaaaaaand click.

katie you’re pretty and all but get the fuck out of my way.

haha i’m pushing her.

oh i’m sorry, whose blog is this again?

if you don’t have any friends you should try befriending comedians cos they never go away and need lots of attention so you instantly feel admired. ok maybe my stand-up will be about comedians? every single idea i came up with they shot down those assholes. everything’s been done before so i may as well not bother.

the tables are wonky, one reason why erin thinks she beat me at arm wrestling.

teppei is the man.

hopefully i have a tapeworm. i eat carbs like craaaazy now, remember how insanely no-carb strict i was? well now i can eat anything. it’s great. i still have a nagging voice in my head about starches though which i drown out with piles of bread and dips and pastas.

cool guys. who are you, me?

recanize.

blaaaah zzzzzzzzz.

little bit unimpressed by the cheese plate at czehoski. 12 bucks for this? even more dismal looking in real life. satiated no emotional eating requirements. the macaroni was pretty weak too. maybe it was a case of the mondays.

mer was my little dinner date. i like dating girls and paying for them. fuck men they can buy me dinner, i want to spoil my girls.

hipster guy bar line-up was pretty funny. and depressing. i love projecting shit on strangers. people do it to me all the time so it seems aptly fair.

thanks bloggins i’ll be here all week!