wheezy whiner

i can’t believe this used to be black.

are there hair fetishists out there? does that exist? i’m sure it does.

no shame.


look i’m you!

sometimes there just aren’t enough pictures of me on this thing.

i just tore out a massive piece of upper lip skin (one of my many go-to anxiety rituals) now it’s all sore and exposed, just waiting for a glass of red wine to hit itself.

wait ’til i’m in a gay second

glen eden what’s up.

i have a vision.

oh wait, it’s me.

i took a video once i reached the top all out of breath and shiny faced. it was funny high though i dunno if my self esteem can take posting it today or not.

i should just get it over with and start wearing super tall and pointy gnome hats.

i could easily pull this off.


suuuuuuure i’ll share some of that with you.

so lazy see, you’re all fat for it.

k sorry got stuck in a geek vortex for a second there. i remember a few nuit blanche’s ago this cute bartender chick in this teenily constructed mini bar was wearing a black pointy hat, felt-like, not witch-like, totally elfin. have never forgotten it. saw her some days later wearing it around town, stared at her like crazy and made her feel ambushed, taken hostage by my eyes. i think i ducked into a store or something to avoid the scenario entirely. brave hero! (dad where is that expensive little gnome i bought you?)

some leftovers here.

finished this stoner hike off with some swiss chalet and i kid you not, what a perverted scene that place has turned into. like, three separate gross guys all with staring problems, (staring at both your own daughter’s tits staring problems)(hopefully step daughters but still, still so fucking disgustingly blatantly sick i’m trying to eat chicken over here guy) the service blew and now i’m fat. cool. don’t order a caesar before eating anything ever. dumb move. believe it or not the reason we went was to try their mango bellinis (5.19!) but it was too cold a drink to order while your arms are laced in goosebumps. note to self: never go to a swiss chalet on a weekend again. ever.

i’m going to construct a poster of burlington’s chain restaurants and shove multi-coloured thumbtacks through each one i’ve hit and call it RAYMI’S EATING TOUR.

remind me to talk about the street hockey kids next door at some point.

two oat sodas for the road please

had the bright idea to hit the pub about 4 (more like 5) to beat the friday post work rush. next time should head over for 3 instead. jeez louise. love people’s faces when they arrive, all gruff bitter HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE GET HERE BEFORE US HARRUMPH!

what’s wrong bro?

ha nice face sage.

thanks erica, how sweet.

all up on the fridge.

awesome porno camping towel, folds up into nothing, so soft, taught and teeny.

this is what i look like in card form. sigh bangs.

gay for christmas over here. little bit.

or a lot a bit.

pipeweed represent. holla, gandalf.

coug tumbler. (despite that probably being a leopard of sorts).

bottle comes swathed in velvet leopard print. pure class. the lighting makes this glass appear to be plum (blackberry desert wine + cran).

guy i don’t recall bambi being this fucking retarded unnnnngh. did they edit out the mom’s death scene or something, makes no sense and what’s with all the weird southern accents for the younger animals, kinda too flirty a lilt to the tone of their voice for how young-sounding the speaker is.

sam kinison hair day

this is where we had the video shoot two weeks ago. (i’ve seen footage and it looks like an estee lauder ad)(pumped).

falling down pants. these guys stretch out like crazy on the waist. also i’ve dropped a size or two i think.

then went here.

i’m a thirsty cactus.

had some nice gut rot immediately following this treat.

blackened catfish caesar wrap.

more dundas valley photos.

had a little get-together hang sesh with the fam thursday nite. both my parents’ birthdays fall in november. i stuffed this with scratch tickets. it plays happy birthday when you open it in hawaiian luau style. it was supposed to be an inside burn on my mom.

love message written on a 2-4 at the lcbo. oh man that place is a trip.

tested out a new powder that nite. won’t be goin’ with that one again. i have a nice natural organic hippie powder (non-ghostface killah shade) now (thanks alison!) that i pulled out of all my traveling gypsy junk. compared to my mom’s tanned face i look brutal. i am never standing beside you in a photo ever again.

then we all got loaded and played a game of dysfunctional scrabble.

i am so jazzed dominoes has held on to the philly cheese steak pizza.


rocky is all shaved now (dad you are insane). before/after shots to come.

time to make butter chicken. PAYCE!

MEET: Spliffy Steph and Resin Raymi

welcome to my new friday feature: stoner chat (pretend there is a lightning bolt between those two words)(i am big on lightning bolts ok!) but it might not always be fridays cos you know, stoners and days, is this like, is this a…weekday? wait i’m not high yet BRB!

ok ready? BEGIN!

me: hi
whats goin on timmins
do you get free timbits there
ok i will locate a roach

Steph: our hotel room is so bush broken hairdryer and the cable is dangling against the socket so it only comes in fuzzy
fuck it im gonna smoke one too

me: niiiiiice

Steph: wait i have no lighter

me: oh no!

Steph: hang on

me: matches?

Steph: ya gimmie 5 to get some from the front desk
k back!

me: wicked
i started a blog post title and lead-in
gonna get sean ward to design an image with our photos and our stoner names

Steph: hhahahahahahah
omg awesome
so am i supposed to ask u my questions

me: um ok we both get high

Steph: yes

me: ok
are u smoking a pinner

Steph: roach

me: there are 500 billion of those here

Steph: we have that at home too- this bowl with a lid i call the roach hut

me: hahhahhaa
theres tins everywhere here and some hidden in ashtrays

Steph: i always rescue them from the ashtrays

me: me too so skidly
weed dehydrates your skin eh i think i got maje laugh lines overnite
i play that high all day long

Steph: i know i hate it hahahaa

me: gahahahha
dave doesnt feel it either

Steph: his face makes me mad and the beat makes me crazy mad
and i hate the way he sings

me: wow

Steph: hahahaha

me: tell me how you really feel
maybe you need to come from an ecstasy background to appreciate that style

Steph: i know i shouldnt mince words
maybe ya its just the opening few bars make me want to kick my computer in the face

me: ok we’ll do a music special another time

Steph: hahahahaha

me: i had a question then i forgot it
ok so when yer baked online do u send emails to say professional types and then re-read your email or just send and then flip out maybe u went too far
i ask because i just sent a two word email to someone TWO WORDS and i am over analyzing it
i said whats instead of when

Steph: dude what professional types would i be sending emails to
soap central digest

me: HA

Steph: how did you use whats

me: if i said i had a connection (hook-up) with your soap what would you do

Steph: did you even use an aprostrophy?

me: NO

Steph: omh

me: hahahha

Steph: hahahaa jk

me: i have no connections there sorry

Steph: hahahahaha

me: i dont even know the name of it

Steph: of my soap?

me: weeks of our feelings?
months of their journies

Steph: hahahahaha

me: k

Steph: you know how you always hear about people trashing hotel rooms like crazy trashing like shit on the walls and stuff why do people do that

me: because theyre fucked up drunks high
they get hotel rooms to party in
then i guess wig out
or theyre van halen

Steph: hahaha awesome
is van halen the band with the one armed drummer
or is that def leppard

me: yeah. he sucks.
trying to remember these van halen jokes


me: that was when scott monk was over

Steph: ahhahahah

me: remember

Steph: thats a hilarious name

me: it is an awesome name

Steph: OH YEAH
so whats the answer tho

me: i cant stop staring at your caps lock
this chat is going well

Steph: hahaha

me: i dont even know what im supposed to answer

Steph: ahahahahha which band has the one armed drummer

me: so in answer to one of your weed questions
oh um google it

Steph: i dont know

me: ahhaha

Steph: ya it shows up in the google search bar

me: well u would see photos

Steph: “def leppard one arm”

me: http://images.google.ca/images?hl=en&source=hp&q=one+armed+drummer&btnG=Search+Images&gbv=2&aq=f&oq=
one armed drummer google image search

Steph: rick allen!
of course!

me: i pretty much exclusively use google image search

Steph: hahaha jk

me: find shit thru pictures
no time for words

Steph: sometimes when i want to know something and theres no computer around im like, oh well i guess i cant know that thing.

me: nice
we played scrabble last nite using a dictionary from 1933
they wouldnt allow any of my modern words
i almost stormed out (at my dads)

Steph: hhahhaa


Steph: haha

me: then they tried to kibosh pluralization
oh fuck that

Steph: hahahaa we should get scrabble
we play simpsons monopoly

me: im emailing my dad this right now http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/zine

Steph: remember jeopardy?

me: yeah
we have canadian monopoly with credit cards
so much easier

Steph: credit cards?

me: electronic
no paper money
u start with 15million

Steph: woah new age monopoly

me: yes guy

Steph: i live in a tree

me: cool
are you burning out
i have a stoner candle lit
thanks oprah
remembering my spirit

Steph: sort of im distracted by this shitty movie and the fact that the reception is better when the maid is vacuuming outside
oprah ending her show!

me: she is?

Steph: yep
she probably has enough money now

me: she will go thru a depression
shes adicated to working
i have a draft on my blog saved for collecting dyslexia spelling mistakes i do

Steph: she’ll just be doing specials for the rest of our lives

me: started yesterday

Steph: ha funny

me: so what do you think hanging out with me baked will be like

Steph: um probably we will eat alot

me: yeah i eat dinner then ten minutes later eat a whole other dinner
now i am starving

Steph: hahaha i do that too with the 2nd dinner
it kills

me: like a completely different meal all wild components involved
now i know why we ate 6 times a day when i visited

Steph: HAHA

me: today is a total write off now
my hangover will hit me around 1
and ill be drinking wildcat coffee by then

Steph: why hangover?
scrabble hangover?

me: red white white wine

Steph: hahaha
the whiter the wine the worse the hang

says who
red is worse
one nite after red wining it i woke up with a spider vein exploded on my left cheek
still there

Steph: yikers

me: i was 24
i giver
anyway i drink less now
so now i can eat garbage

Steph: im gonna make this red wine tea, its called christmas tea im pumped
i told ryan and he was like “jesus christ” HAHAHA

me: so cute
at the name?

Steph: i dont know hahaha

me: red wine plus cran
the shit flavor of both combined is good
two wrongs make a right
there take that every old bitch ever

Steph: http://www.cooksunited.co.uk/recipes/592251216025141/Christmas-Tea-II.html
i bet my mom would like that, cran and wine
moms on wine are funny

me: yeah motor mouths with no filter

Steph: actually maybe moms on wine arent funny at all

me: yeah

Steph: haha i dont want to talk about it

me: http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/sets/72157619994573824/

Steph: changing your hair colour is trippy eh
its like it still looks like you but

me: yeah
greasier me

Steph: aw i miss it
my blond hair

me: no u look good dark
pants crapper

Steph: yes im here
what are you doing

me: replying to emails
spacing out
gonna let dogs back in one sec there better be something funny here when i get back

Steph: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIYySjIyy_I

me: hahaha

Steph: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmE8MwXfzJ8&feature=related
hahaha its so funny

me: not really
that guy is gross
and i am not into babies

Steph: for farting? hahaa

me: no he moans at the begining

Steph: omg hahahaa
when someone asks me for something funny farts are my go to i cant help it

me: ok lets go over some photos of our past hang out experiences together and try to say something constructive about the event

Steph: that sounds like a lot of work but ok

me: ok yeah
just putting it out there never said it would happen

Steph: hahaha no we can

me: http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/3641749214/in/set-72157619994573824/
a sound like no other

Steph: hahaha i like how much of the ceiling there is
that was an umcomfortable pony tail night
hahaha new word

me: oh ok so i noticed that when u drink or get high your hairstyle changes a million times
thats your equivalent to my changing outfits 60 times
i dont do that as much when baked
too lazy
i could wear rags

Steph: i do that when im sober too man
UNLESS im having a good hair day
but basically on non shower days i play with it constantly ya
and i only ever hang out with you on non shower days

me: non shower days man
good idea but you know bad idea in the end

Steph: exactly

me: my hair is so long it is so burdensome to deal with

Steph: are you gonna edit out the boring parts and the parts where im not funny

me: days i dont shower its so rasta i braid it and can begin a whole new braid from the end of the first braid (i will post a photo of this sometime)

Steph: does it get tangled underneath from scarves in the winter?

me: yes

Steph: so quickly too eh

me: it gets jammed under my back in armpits
yeah ill edit this thing somehow (no i wont)

Steph: k good
steal my sunshine is on much more music right now

me: i was just thiking about that song
love it

Steph: nice SNUG outfit

me: LEN

(i have not washed that shirt i’m wearing since this nite, february 2 hahaha. the shirt requires i sew on the thing on the front of it before it goes in the wash otherwise it’ll come right off.)

Steph: oh hi

me: i just realised i was sitting in silence

Steph: hahaha i do that lots

me: oh we cool everything by the way
thanks for that
i even wrote something down about it

Steph: what are you talking about

me: left a light on the floor a lamp and it was super hot i said thats safe
then i tried to open a door with my left hand and a beer bottle in that same hand
COOL on that
then died laughing
cos it happened immediately following the almost burnt the house down hot lamp COOL
i said COOL, SAFE!

Steph: oHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hahahahaaaa thats awesome

me: are you faking it

Steph: faking what?

me: that laugh

Steph: i just totally didnt get what you meant by “we cool everything, thanks for that, i even wrote down something about it”
i was like waaaaaa
THEN i got it

me: ahhhh
i just unearthed a wicked ingrown

Steph: can you change peoples dumb titles of things on youtube?

me: if u save the video and upload it yerself

Steph: exhausted groan

me: yeah i know

Steph: did you know that nelly and tim mcgraw have a song together

me: i only had like two tokes eh and im on my ass

Steph: its TERRIBLE

me: eww

Steph: yeah
whats the weather like there?
me: sunny
not too bad
but once it gets dark itll be cold

Steph: its so cold and rainy here today

me: aww

Steph: i wanna say something off the record

me: ok

THE END (takes bow)

if you read all of that you are amazing. see you next time!

ok one more

She Does The City and i had a little get together over email and i finally got around to answering some Qs. ew when people say Qs i feel really grossed out. for some reason i picture the library from my elementary school and the super long beanbag snake chair we all sat on during story time. weird shit. ok here is a blurb:

SDTC: Do you think of yourself as different from your blog alter-ego Raymi?

Raymi: Only when I learn people have pre-conceived notions of me and say as much when they meet me and realize I’m not yelling and screaming and terrorizing the room. People can talk a big game on the internet BECAUSE THEY’RE ON THE INTERNET. How I write is how I think and I do some thinking in real life too. Everyone wears a different hat for different occasions; I don’t see what the big interest in my personae is. If I’m able to write a paragraph and you liked it, guess what, I wrote it, that was real. It happened. What’s the big mystery? Or are you asking if I’m really bitchy? I think at root that’s what a lot of women assume/want to know (it’s happened) – if I were a man this question would never be asked, we would just allow him to be and take him for what he is.

go read the rest now.

From the Blogs to the Newspapers, Everyone Wants to Know More about Raymi the Minx

unsmiling woman

join my extremely hardcore gang it costs 20 bucks and you get these stupid glasses plus protection too. we go out in roves for moonpies and pennywhistles, we never swear and we dance for old people in nursing homes.

peg leg.

some leftovers can be found here.

grab a copy of the metro today and look for sofi’s column, cut it out, mount and frame it, hang it on your wall. or just read it on the internet.

anyway, my two cents on that thing is maybe everything was what it seemed all along if i wasn’t ever smiling. no one bothered to ask. JUST SAYING. ok i can tell i’m premenstrual when i think yell-typing is comedic.

I was watching The Colbert Report last night and he discussed a news story
out of Vancouver (like most geo-ignernt Americans I have no real idea of
where you are in Canada) about a woman who is going around randomly kicking
men in the balls. I immediately thought of you even though I haven’t
checked out your blog in quite a while (tyranny of the crappy computer). It
seemed like the type of guerilla-conceptual-performance art movement that
would require a true innovator, which we all know you are.

I’m not going to say that I hope this movement catches on around here, as
my boys bruise easily, but it’s a novel idea nonetheless. I’d also like to
note that you appear fine, fit, and prosperous which is beautiful. I’ll try
that beer and o.j. thing and check the blog regularly once more.

Life is a cabaret – two drink minimum.

— Admiral Farragut

one more place i’m mentioned (for now). kate is a magnificent writer i have no sour grapes. she gets it right (most of the time). though i’d say i’m more reactionary than i am sensitive. reactionary because i’m sensitive maybe. definitely. probably. i really liked her use of the word albatross. turned it over and over in my head last nite, numerous times.

anyway, somewhat related, came across this postsecret yesterday (remember those things do you miss my take-downs?)

once i got passed the terribly confusing way that sentence ends i thought well fuck, be grateful you’re not a blogger then. if you only knew. i am often asked how i deal with online hatred, trolls, name-calling, incessant relentless constant torment. i think it changes from person to person. i’ve always had a strong ability to distract myself for the sake of self-preservation. if there was chaos around me (yelling) i’d read and play music, tune it out. i guess my brain orchestrates a circus up in there for me or something cos sometimes the things that get said about me oh shit if i spent more time considering such things i’d swan dive off a building. drinking helps too but we all know how helpful it really is after all. it isn’t. the thing most annoying about this blogging shit is the real life people who get in the way of it, who make assumptions. who say really shitty stuff about you behind your back to relatives and start family wars. i have taken it from all sides, basically. for years. being the bigger person all the time is tough. i know they’re reading still. obsessively. do i want to smear the hell out of them like they did me? yes. do they deserve it? absolutely. will i do it? no. not worth it. they don’t deserve the attention. the same goes for troll commenters. ignore delete delete delete. that’s how i deal. i forward out the comments to a few close friends, we try to decipher who the piece of shit is, make fun of them, then move on. once i ban them, naturally. don’t swallow it all on your own, share it with people. i can remember a time a year ago i was getting it really really bad, i lost seven pounds in two days over it but anyway i was told that it would “ruin us” or could if i focused on it too much or talked about it. wrong. NOT talking about it will ruin ME, it bears no consequence for you. so i silently took it and it changed me. hardened me. made me skeptical of everyone, people i considered friends. ugh.

if i wasted my time trying to figure out why people say the things they say or feel the way they feel about me then i’d have a really popular blog. oh, wait… as always i have so much more to say on this topic but it’ll have to wait.

next up on the agenda dun dunna nuh! (trumpets): DEPRESSIVE REALISM.