i took a video once i reached the top all out of breath and shiny faced. it was funny high though i dunno if my self esteem can take posting it today or not.
i should just get it over with and start wearing super tall and pointy gnome hats.
i could easily pull this off.
suuuuuuure i’ll share some of that with you.
so lazy see, you’re all fat for it.
k sorry got stuck in a geek vortex for a second there. i remember a few nuit blanche’s ago this cute bartender chick in this teenily constructed mini bar was wearing a black pointy hat, felt-like, not witch-like, totally elfin. have never forgotten it. saw her some days later wearing it around town, stared at her like crazy and made her feel ambushed, taken hostage by my eyes. i think i ducked into a store or something to avoid the scenario entirely. brave hero! (dad where is that expensive little gnome i bought you?)
finished this stoner hike off with some swiss chalet and i kid you not, what a perverted scene that place has turned into. like, three separate gross guys all with staring problems, (staring at both your own daughter’s tits staring problems)(hopefully step daughters but still, still so fucking disgustingly blatantly sick i’m trying to eat chicken over here guy) the service blew and now i’m fat. cool. don’t order a caesar before eating anything ever. dumb move. believe it or not the reason we went was to try their mango bellinis (5.19!) but it was too cold a drink to order while your arms are laced in goosebumps. note to self: never go to a swiss chalet on a weekend again. ever.
i’m going to construct a poster of burlington’s chain restaurants and shove multi-coloured thumbtacks through each one i’ve hit and call it RAYMI’S EATING TOUR.
remind me to talk about the street hockey kids next door at some point.
had the bright idea to hit the pub about 4 (more like 5) to beat the friday post work rush. next time should head over for 3 instead. jeez louise. love people’s faces when they arrive, all gruff bitter HOW DARE THESE PEOPLE GET HERE BEFORE US HARRUMPH!
awesome porno camping towel, folds up into nothing, so soft, taught and teeny.
this is what i look like in card form. sigh bangs.
gay for christmas over here. little bit.
or a lot a bit.
pipeweed represent. holla, gandalf.
coug tumbler. (despite that probably being a leopard of sorts).
bottle comes swathed in velvet leopard print. pure class. the lighting makes this glass appear to be plum (blackberry desert wine + cran).
guy i don’t recall bambi being this fucking retarded unnnnngh. did they edit out the mom’s death scene or something, makes no sense and what’s with all the weird southern accents for the younger animals, kinda too flirty a lilt to the tone of their voice for how young-sounding the speaker is.
had a little get-together hang sesh with the fam thursday nite. both my parents’ birthdays fall in november. i stuffed this with scratch tickets. it plays happy birthday when you open it in hawaiian luau style. it was supposed to be an inside burn on my mom.
love message written on a 2-4 at the lcbo. oh man that place is a trip.
tested out a new powder that nite. won’t be goin’ with that one again. i have a nice natural organic hippie powder (non-ghostface killah shade) now (thanks alison!) that i pulled out of all my traveling gypsy junk. compared to my mom’s tanned face i look brutal. i am never standing beside you in a photo ever again.
then we all got loaded and played a game of dysfunctional scrabble.
i am so jazzed dominoes has held on to the philly cheese steak pizza.
rocky is all shaved now (dad you are insane). before/after shots to come.
welcome to my new friday feature: stoner chat (pretend there is a lightning bolt between those two words)(i am big on lightning bolts ok!) but it might not always be fridays cos you know, stoners and days, is this like, is this a…weekday? wait i’m not high yet BRB!
ok ready? BEGIN!
whats goin on timmins
do you get free timbits there
ok i will locate a roach
Steph: our hotel room is so bush broken hairdryer and the cable is dangling against the socket so it only comes in fuzzy
fuck it im gonna smoke one too
Steph: wait i have no lighter
me: oh no!
Steph: hang on
Steph: ya gimmie 5 to get some from the front desk
i started a blog post title and lead-in
gonna get sean ward to design an image with our photos and our stoner names
so am i supposed to ask u my questions
me: um ok we both get high
are u smoking a pinner
me: there are 500 billion of those here
Steph: we have that at home too- this bowl with a lid i call the roach hut
theres tins everywhere here and some hidden in ashtrays
Steph: i always rescue them from the ashtrays
me: me too so skidly
weed dehydrates your skin eh i think i got maje laugh lines overnite
i play that high all day long
Steph: i know i hate it hahahaa
dave doesnt feel it either
Steph: his face makes me mad and the beat makes me crazy mad
and i hate the way he sings
me: tell me how you really feel
maybe you need to come from an ecstasy background to appreciate that style
Steph: i know i shouldnt mince words
maybe ya its just the opening few bars make me want to kick my computer in the face
me: ok we’ll do a music special another time
me: i had a question then i forgot it
ok so when yer baked online do u send emails to say professional types and then re-read your email or just send and then flip out maybe u went too far
i ask because i just sent a two word email to someone TWO WORDS and i am over analyzing it
i said whats instead of when
Steph: dude what professional types would i be sending emails to
soap central digest
Steph: how did you use whats
me: if i said i had a connection (hook-up) with your soap what would you do
Steph: did you even use an aprostrophy?
Steph: hahahaa jk
me: i have no connections there sorry
me: i dont even know the name of it
Steph: of my soap?
me: weeks of our feelings?
months of their journies
Steph: you know how you always hear about people trashing hotel rooms like crazy trashing like shit on the walls and stuff why do people do that
me: because theyre fucked up drunks high
they get hotel rooms to party in
then i guess wig out
or theyre van halen
Steph: hahaha awesome
is van halen the band with the one armed drummer
or is that def leppard
me: yeah. he sucks.
trying to remember these van halen jokes
Steph: DEF LEPPARD
me: that was when scott monk was over
Steph: thats a hilarious name
me: it is an awesome name
Steph: OH YEAH
so whats the answer tho
me: i cant stop staring at your caps lock
this chat is going well
me: i dont even know what im supposed to answer
Steph: ahahahahha which band has the one armed drummer
me: so in answer to one of your weed questions
oh um google it
Steph: hahaha i like how much of the ceiling there is
that was an umcomfortable pony tail night
hahaha new word
me: oh ok so i noticed that when u drink or get high your hairstyle changes a million times
thats your equivalent to my changing outfits 60 times
i dont do that as much when baked
i could wear rags
Steph: i do that when im sober too man
UNLESS im having a good hair day
but basically on non shower days i play with it constantly ya
and i only ever hang out with you on non shower days
me: non shower days man
good idea but you know bad idea in the end
me: my hair is so long it is so burdensome to deal with
Steph: are you gonna edit out the boring parts and the parts where im not funny
me: days i dont shower its so rasta i braid it and can begin a whole new braid from the end of the first braid (i will post a photo of this sometime)
Steph: does it get tangled underneath from scarves in the winter?
Steph: so quickly too eh
me: it gets jammed under my back in armpits
yeah ill edit this thing somehow (no i wont)
Steph: k good
steal my sunshine is on much more music right now
me: i was just thiking about that song
Steph: nice SNUG outfit
(i have not washed that shirt i’m wearing since this nite, february 2 hahaha. the shirt requires i sew on the thing on the front of it before it goes in the wash otherwise it’ll come right off.)
Steph: oh hi
me: i just realised i was sitting in silence
Steph: hahaha i do that lots
me: oh we cool everything by the way
thanks for that
i even wrote something down about it
Steph: what are you talking about
me: left a light on the floor a lamp and it was super hot i said thats safe
then i tried to open a door with my left hand and a beer bottle in that same hand
COOL on that
like COOL LIFE
then died laughing
cos it happened immediately following the almost burnt the house down hot lamp COOL
i said COOL, SAFE!
She Does The City and i had a little get together over email and i finally got around to answering some Qs. ew when people say Qs i feel really grossed out. for some reason i picture the library from my elementary school and the super long beanbag snake chair we all sat on during story time. weird shit. ok here is a blurb:
SDTC: Do you think of yourself as different from your blog alter-ego Raymi?
Raymi: Only when I learn people have pre-conceived notions of me and say as much when they meet me and realize I’m not yelling and screaming and terrorizing the room. People can talk a big game on the internet BECAUSE THEY’RE ON THE INTERNET. How I write is how I think and I do some thinking in real life too. Everyone wears a different hat for different occasions; I don’t see what the big interest in my personae is. If I’m able to write a paragraph and you liked it, guess what, I wrote it, that was real. It happened. What’s the big mystery? Or are you asking if I’m really bitchy? I think at root that’s what a lot of women assume/want to know (it’s happened) – if I were a man this question would never be asked, we would just allow him to be and take him for what he is.
join my extremely hardcore gang it costs 20 bucks and you get these stupid glasses plus protection too. we go out in roves for moonpies and pennywhistles, we never swear and we dance for old people in nursing homes.
grab a copy of the metro today and look for sofi’s column, cut it out, mount and frame it, hang it on your wall. or just read it on the internet.
anyway, my two cents on that thing is maybe everything was what it seemed all along if i wasn’t ever smiling. no one bothered to ask. JUST SAYING. ok i can tell i’m premenstrual when i think yell-typing is comedic.
I was watching The Colbert Report last night and he discussed a news story
out of Vancouver (like most geo-ignernt Americans I have no real idea of
where you are in Canada) about a woman who is going around randomly kicking
men in the balls. I immediately thought of you even though I haven’t
checked out your blog in quite a while (tyranny of the crappy computer). It
seemed like the type of guerilla-conceptual-performance art movement that
would require a true innovator, which we all know you are.
I’m not going to say that I hope this movement catches on around here, as
my boys bruise easily, but it’s a novel idea nonetheless. I’d also like to
note that you appear fine, fit, and prosperous which is beautiful. I’ll try
that beer and o.j. thing and check the blog regularly once more.
Life is a cabaret – two drink minimum.
— Admiral Farragut
one more place i’m mentioned (for now). kate is a magnificent writer i have no sour grapes. she gets it right (most of the time). though i’d say i’m more reactionary than i am sensitive. reactionary because i’m sensitive maybe. definitely. probably. i really liked her use of the word albatross. turned it over and over in my head last nite, numerous times.
anyway, somewhat related, came across this postsecret yesterday (remember those things do you miss my take-downs?)
once i got passed the terribly confusing way that sentence ends i thought well fuck, be grateful you’re not a blogger then. if you only knew. i am often asked how i deal with online hatred, trolls, name-calling, incessant relentless constant torment. i think it changes from person to person. i’ve always had a strong ability to distract myself for the sake of self-preservation. if there was chaos around me (yelling) i’d read and play music, tune it out. i guess my brain orchestrates a circus up in there for me or something cos sometimes the things that get said about me oh shit if i spent more time considering such things i’d swan dive off a building. drinking helps too but we all know how helpful it really is after all. it isn’t. the thing most annoying about this blogging shit is the real life people who get in the way of it, who make assumptions. who say really shitty stuff about you behind your back to relatives and start family wars. i have taken it from all sides, basically. for years. being the bigger person all the time is tough. i know they’re reading still. obsessively. do i want to smear the hell out of them like they did me? yes. do they deserve it? absolutely. will i do it? no. not worth it. they don’t deserve the attention. the same goes for troll commenters. ignore delete delete delete. that’s how i deal. i forward out the comments to a few close friends, we try to decipher who the piece of shit is, make fun of them, then move on. once i ban them, naturally. don’t swallow it all on your own, share it with people. i can remember a time a year ago i was getting it really really bad, i lost seven pounds in two days over it but anyway i was told that it would “ruin us” or could if i focused on it too much or talked about it. wrong. NOT talking about it will ruin ME, it bears no consequence for you. so i silently took it and it changed me. hardened me. made me skeptical of everyone, people i considered friends. ugh.
if i wasted my time trying to figure out why people say the things they say or feel the way they feel about me then i’d have a really popular blog. oh, wait… as always i have so much more to say on this topic but it’ll have to wait.
next up on the agenda dun dunna nuh! (trumpets): DEPRESSIVE REALISM.