all the clouds may be white

i don’t know half of you half as well as i should like and i like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

best LOTR quote. took way too many pause rewinds to get that one down. you’re not welcome.

another quote i wrote down from a movie:

“congratulations you’re the new me. no. i’m the new me.” what the hell is that from i can’t remember like two minutes ago haha.

love your friends. hate yourself.

went to the AA sale on the last possible day at the last possible hour and some chick totally crop dusted me by the shorts. sick.

hearin’ some mad gossip.

sass was stuck there all weekend long. thanks for the media hookup card (maybe you should be thanking me though)(KEEDING). line-skipped, coat/bag check skip, clothes already cheaped-out gift card for ‘em whoot. i picked up two dresses (one is more like a shirt on me as i’m an amazon) and dave got 5 t-shirts.

i haz the weakness.

but it wasn’t enough to hold us down.

can someone please tell me how it is that i get skinnier the more junk i eat? (anxiety) this goes against every single stupid diet rule i ever made. it must be the less drinking. (which evidently is too sad for me to blog about anymore pfft).

we were graced by the conversation of such a stupid twat. they did lemon drops and she goes STORY OF MY LIFE. that’s a nice story on a late sunday afternoon then. POT KETTLE BLACK OMG YOU GUYS! douche comment quotient on this thing has risen exponentially in the last week. have you tools ever heard of like, the weekend?

i don’t care how non-thrilling this news is to you. both flicks for 6.99 i almost fainted.

according to a fourteen year old girl. i can see some parent-influence in there (david cassidy). tory from mythbusters made the cut (though it’s cut off in the photo) but i don’t know who half these people are.

look what my brother did and didn’t even realize it either.

sliced right through the dart plastic.

this bar used to be in our family home. nice to see it still kickin’ around.

parrot fish rules.

re: that weed comment

I meant it in the most positive possible way, having grown to care about you from afar in the four or five years I have been reading your blog. Maybe I have developed ganjaphobic tendencies these last few years, having seen more than a few friends slowly lose themselves and succumb to boring stonerdom.

If it helps you think straight right now then smoke up my friend, just don’t wallow in marijuana-fogged misery like a lot of people do. Your blog is good as ever and I know you have had a hard time recently, but masking a problem with any substance does no one any good in the long run, least of all people with a history of depression. That was my point I suppose, I just made it in a gauche yet apparently quite effective way. Apologies. Last time I mention it.

I’m off examine why I have turned into a bitter old killjoy at 28. Cursed psychological backfire.

Be happy.

Boris

oh i’m fine and over it. it’s just funny to me being picked apart for every fucking thing i do, no matter what it is. exhausting, constant and apparently everyone’s a life coach now.

ugh i have a splitting headache.

Melanie Davis

here i am (busted on vid) talkin shit about a comment i deleted where a guy claimed that weed made people boring. WRONG-O SPAGHETTIO! i was going to expand but instead stoner laughed, then forgot my point, then shoveled a ton of thai food, then continued on to say that weed opens up my brain and dumps lots of garbage out and it’s great. i’m getting a lot of shit written for my book (showed my uncle the agency contract and he was all holy shit good on ya etc.) will get lawyer to mark it up and off we go then. um what was my point again oh right, productivity. weed. trying to come up with material through several hours’ worth of hangover was pretty tough. i admitted to the ryerson class that for the last two years i definitely put my dream on hold there (book writing) and it was my own fault. in drinking less i feel far more clear-headed and i don’t have suicide anxiety each morning (happens later on in the day) so that’s a sigh of relief. i think back on those times and it stuns me how terrifying it really was to live like that for a year and a half, every morning. anyway. WEED POLL!

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE!
viva la stoner your writing has evolved.
i liked booze blogging better.
i notice no change.
i recognize you are currently stoned and therefore, funnier. Thanks Raymi.

  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

ugh. the real reason some people, including myself, keep coming back is because it is interesting to see a single person’s life being reduced to a blog, and then reading that blog. i.e. if anyone at all were to blog every single mundane detail of their life, it would have the same kind of hook. When people, who are not necessarily huge fans, keep coming back, this is the reason – not necessarily because they are somehow in love with you! just putting it out there..

COOL ONE PROXY QUEEN! sorry guy, you try to cop my shit and it has NO hook. people criticize the shit out of me constantly and claim what i do is simple. fine yeah totally anyone could essentially do this too for sure. yes. but do they? no. therefore, that argument is rendered pointless. step up or shut up. i never claimed to be anything more or less than what i am so stop stockpiling shit i didn’t ask for on my head. wow i wish i could devote so much time to making contact with someone i allegedly despise. you’re creeps!

ew dude. where do you think you are?

awesome public washroom q-tip explosion just when i needed one. absolutely every single one flew into the sink.

patio doob decoy. no i do not smoke. blech.

yes, it’s true. banality and the great mundane is widely accessible to all. now go be somebody.

here‘s a photo set from the rest of thursday’s goings-on.

only the best for you baby.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!

and happy birthday blog, nine years!

seriously shawn, what gang are you in? my bro gets mad props at our local blockbuster cos of that sean white guy. i wanna go with him to experience the local fame sometime. guy there with a ponytail totally raked dave and i over once (we were baked DUH) and 30 dollars later we had our movies what?

sibs.

here’s the first post i ever wrote on this blog (CRINGE!) back in 2000.

Today was/is my dad’s birfday. We went all-out and had dinna’ at J.J.Muggs and saw’re The Grinch. I hate kids. durr.
They’re so annoying with their happiness and their chewing and, “Oh my GAWD! The guy kissed the Dog’s butt.”
Eeeyuhhhgrrrr…..
Someday in the future, Raymi will birth a babygirl something. Maybe. We will see.
This is after she has her kicks, of course. After she smokes weed on the beaches of Thailand, writing freelance and mending broken toys for little chillen’……wait, raymi hates chillen. hrmmm…nah, Raymi just hates canadian/american chillen. They’re all spoiled rotten and fat and drooly.
K, tha’senuff. For now.
Yawwwn.
Got that bruisy, booze-eyed look, again. Not enuff ZzzzZZ’s.

I’s gunna try and go for Quality postings, here. Not Quantity.
I have the intent of greatness. Meh.

wow.

QUALITY NOT QUANTITY BAHAHAA. two lies in one.

oh god. we’re both wearing napoleon dynamite boots too. i was a hipster before you were dan deacon!

i wrote my dad a really wicked limerick but i can’t use it cos his names all over it plus all the rhymes so….

hi saturday what’s up!

here or above is the intention and my vision when i went out to grab this from UO. too much blank area in the kitchen. dad says it’s gonna go in the music room. no way why hide it down there? you don’t even have practice there anymore.

hamiltime in the hamiltan

here i am navajo NAVAWHORE style.

can a youtube nerd tell me why this vid cuts out at 53 seconds?

a ton of shit goes down in this clip (below). shoulder mounting guitar playing, then human kebab climbs the stage scaffolding, then other guy takes down jonas brothers cardboard cutout.

i can’t even choose a favourite song, another comes on and you’re like oh that’s good, then the next, oh fuck that’s even better. and so on. i highly recommend you tail these guys on tour wherever they hit ‘cross the nayshe. ew abbrevs. anyway dave got better pics than me.

the crowd was too intense to battle up there all my snaps are from the bar and speaking of, rok bar seems like a venue very pleased with itself. feh. i like it but it needs to relax on the shit don’t stank vibe. YAWN. but then it grew on me and i told my critical mind to shut up. (though they need to not make the bartenders dress like schoolgirls wtf lame) i was happy. being in a non-toronto music crowd is fucking thrilling. and fun. people actually move around and interact. GO HAMILTOE!

when’s last call here, never?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RA2Mpo7mqZI

i trust you with my life and i don’t even know you. classic. to be continued… i was also about to say woah good judge of chracter. hah.

no time for G-E-R!

festive! noel you would really appreciate this scene. like the good ole parkdale ghetto bar afternoon days. remember we went to jilly’s with craig after dangerous dans hahaha ugh. yes i know that’s not in parkdale but still, it was a classy day.

you can sit here.

i’ll take my hambur…sorry, my “bur” in cookie-form, thanks. ew-looking much?

waaaaaaay more interested in the other side of the room.

a serious chat along the lines of i don’t know you but i trust you that went on for ten minutes. then continued when they came back in after a dart then i blatantly was stared at like, guy standing against window with laser beams directed at me unblinking gross drunk oggling staring. i looked up from pretending to be interested in my hat and just shook my head NO at him like pedro’s cousin did from his sick ride at the school bully in napoleon dynamite. didn’t work though.

sexy gambling.

i got these ten per cent off for being a babe. i asked the kid if there were any deals going on, would these chucks be on sale anytime soon? no? oh what about your employee discount, how much is it? you don’t know? 10% right yeah? ok good give me that. done. try it, works every time. (mostly).

worth it.

when i left, my crackhead lady crush from across the room waved at me again and again then i made drug jokes all the way to the truck. I’M ITCHY! dave was like oh my god i love my life after that experience haha. aw. sigh. it felt very to serve and protect 90s style. FAVOURITE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCo8pUW37k8

eh i bet secretly she loves you the fuck up. which also is scary, if not scarier. don’t let it get to your heart, basically. that sounded pretty gay. she seems to think she’s got some mystical impossible connection with you and i can kinda speak to that cause your writing style when i first started reading your blog was a lot like mine, lazy like mine, i figured being similar we’d be good friends. i probably left a few retarded comments over the years too, i can be a total prick. i think it’s kind of your effect on people, they relate and sometimes a LOT. you’re going into new territory with your life blogging, like. i think people are pumped when they find out you exist, that blogs like yours are possible and i think she means well, i think she’s ashamed of being crazy but still is, in actuality, a little bit crazy. i liked you like that for a bit but never said anything or sounded crazy so you could take it from me that it’s a harmless kind of feeling. then again she might have crossed many lines, i haven’t read what else she wrote but. i think people hating you to that extreme means you’re a celebrity, means you’re doing something right, and that it’s harmless because they apparently hate you but they keep coming back for more, yeah?

i think people like to have those crushes they’ll never have, it keeps them ambitious or like. distracted. keeps the crush at that stage where you don’t know better. it’s pretty cute to see hundreds of other people crushin on you cause it’s like, see she’s good. but yeah re: celebrity you might as well own up to it. have you ever thought about going to the states? canada’s like. awesome yeah but kinda bushleague in many aspects, they want their acorns without the oak trees. but yeah, you’re big in canada, say you are with a straight face and people won’t even doubt it. it kind of depends how much you want to be, like there’s an alcoholic friend who says you never have to bear responsibility for that which you have no control over but the secret is that you can have control over everything. i’m not even sure that you really 100% want to be that famous, i feel like it happened incidentally like how if someone starts bustin out somethin awesome on the djembe then people’ll just slowly gather around and when you look up they’re everywhere. people say “celebrity” in this tone like it’s a bad thing but what’s wrong with bustin out somethin awesome on the djembe or screen or internet or book or whatever. from reading interviews it seems even the household names never really know the exact moment when they become famous or a celebrity but i’m sure you’ve had a few good moments yeah? as your attorney i’d advise you to just play it like you’re famous. i feel like i could probably be a good conversation regarding that and i know i’m from ******* population ****** but the thing about that is that strangers know you and talk about the party you threw or who you made out with or your new car and everyone’s a really small-scale celebrity in a small town and it makes people leave sometimes, mainly totally disgraced sluts or homos who are frustrated with the gene pool, but. it can be annoying, you gotta live like people are listening but after awhile it’s just life, you grow around it and it gets to be all you know. told you i was bored at work, what else is there to talk about?

i’ll chat you about the ryerson talk later (i sweated profusely) plus USS‘ show last nite (so awesome so fun best time ever).

easily scariest email i’ve ever received

this is what happens when a flamers own flaming (stalking, harassment, obsession) drives them infuckingsane.

I read your post LOOK I’M YOU, your expressions were exactly, eerily like mine in photos stored on my computer and not published anywhere. This and your odd choice of the rarely used word “dazzlingly” that I had just written in a document suggested that you could have illegally hacked into my computer. It would not be hard for someone to install a packet sniffing program if they were malicious or vengeful. You had just blocked me too. Strange coincidences. My friend who is a Systems Analyst is checking out my computer. If you did hack into my computer, that would be an extremely malicious and vengeful act, so much worse than someone posting harsh unflattering comments on a message board. And you know what? After a few days when I read the comments I was fucked up enough to make and I felt pretty pathetic. I mean, you’re right, don’t I have better things to do? When I get on a tirade I find it hard at the time to shut up. This is bad I know. I’ve been resentful of you wining and dining while I wait on customers and sell used crap for chump change. I guess there is just a fine line between resentment and jealousy too. I can come across as a caustic bitch on a gawker forum, but I am not a mean person by nature. I do not have a big hate-on for you, in fact, I admire you in lots of ways. I went too far with my criticism. How you live your life is your own business. Just had to get this out. That’s all.

firstly, i haven’t a clue as to who you are and the only thing i’ve ever hacked before was my face during a coke bender so have fun with your systems analingus. you think because i (COINCIDENTALLY)(put down the ganj you’re tweaking out) used a stupid word in a blog post that i got into your computer? LOL! you try blogging for 9 years, words get old quick so you have to come up with newer vocab wow i’m floored right now but ps. the LOOK I’M YOU is me doing a dave impression. i’m wearing his work safety glasses, his shirt, and i’m frowning like HIM not YOU, HIM! i have no idea what your shitty facial expressions could even be, what you look like, OR WHO YOU EVEN FUCKING ARE SO HOW CAN I HACK YOU!?

time to move on and get some help you have dedicated entirely too much time projecting your life’s shit on to me i’m glad you have finally wisened up to it though. i should have banned you ages ago and yes you should feel pathetic you have character assassinated me in the forums of every goddamn online publication i have been featured in, you’re sick and cruel. you are nothing special. you are merely one of many detractors who criticize me on the regular because you are too lazy and bitter to make meaning of your own life. remember, IT’S ONLY A BLOG I’M NOT OUT WINING AND DINING 24/7 THAT’S JUST THE SHIT I CHOOSE TO SHOW BECAUSE I DON’T THINK PEOPLE WANT TO SEE VIDEOS OF ME EMPTYING THE BATHROOM GARBAGE BINS, FEEDING DOGS, OR STARING AT THE CEILING WITH WRITER’S BLOCK and another thing, blocking you is NOT a “strange coincidence” you fucked up, you got banned. goodbye. cool way of showing your admiration though.

i get that you are trying to make amends here but in doing so you accuse me of something pretty huge, doesn’t exactly make me feel warm and fuzzy inside right now.