the beauty that will leave each other

totally lazy sunday by the time we got off the highway we were falling asleep so had to get some coffee before dinner. we are not caffeine later in the day types at all. i pulled up my socks for sophie (some animals don’t like touching bare skin) and appear to look like i am wearing retention socks.

this dress has brought me oodles of guilt. oodles of never wearing it guilt, so i decided to do something about it then instantly regretted it upon looking at photos of me wearing it long. i think it was just a bad day, a fat water retaining pig day.

i am also way too flat for the bust of it, someone hugely stacked must have owned it. i took it in some more at the waist also. coincidentally keira emailed me yesterday Do you have any tried and true tips for cutting off jeans into jean shorts? and my response i just sent was this:

put on the jeans

stare at ass in mirror

with finger draw imaginary line at where feel comfortable cutting ie how much thigh/ass you wanna show

memorize the line

take off, lie them on bed

if u forget where the line is draw a tiny tick with ink slightly lower than where u initially chose in case u wimp out on how short u made them – u can always repeat cutting a hair shorter if need be

then cut away

if you want the instant frayed look then just tug at the dangling strands but everyone knows once theyre washed and dried that’s how u get the frays

her reply was already done i was in a hurry. good work too. i forgot to mention some people want extra length so they can have a slutty fold with frays. ok moving on.

it’ll grow on me when i go back to feeling skinny again.

sophie was lookin’ like that sassy little french cat from labyrinth.


i need to buy a lint brush for my purse.

mom’s home!

crazy storm out of nowhere on the ride back, storming during the sunset. i like how we just cannot get over sun showers, it makes us temporarily brain damaged or something, we all remark upon it. it’s not like an eclipse guys, relax. i think mostly it’s just the beauty that stops us in our tracks and even the most hardened of persons cannot deny the special thing they have witnessed.

lots of rainbows these days.

i like earth reminders, specifically planet reminders. i can see the land and the clouds and the sky and sun beyond it here. there is more to this than just us. can you tell i’m reading miranda july right now hahaha.

here i am considering how deep it all is.

take a hike eh. this was yesterday. notice how my tan brings out my upper thigh stretchmarks (from adolescent growth spirt). lovely. the only place on my body where they are. no wait not true there’s some rockin’ out on my love handles too. not very noticeable, only so when i tan. which is constantly so i guess i’m makin’ no sense here.

ugh cid.

added some bacon vodka to our jerk dinner of whatever was left over in the fridge unspoiled. the burnt parts on the veggies is called “the fond” ask fil about it zzzz. kidding.

you can tell the days i don’t shower cos makeup looks fucked.

grease attack, bangs would you just grow already.

same kerouac postcard i gave my papa. i had never seen that photo before.

see how tiny this thing is!

you still need to come over and see with your own eyes you will not believe it.

this was in the mailbox when we got home from the cottage.


i will just share this email with you to explain it.

dear kirsty

so ill have you know that the gay friend you mailed me has become “a thing” between fil and i
we hide it on each other
we used to hide my old dildo that no longer works but i threw it out during a fight for good
the last place i hid it was in the cat food bag and fil found it during said fight and just left it on the counter
too bad the timing cos it was the best hiding place yet

anyway the gay friend we hide in each others shoes on top of door frames
fil put him in my necklace bag when i went away and it made me cry
and he even mailed it to me from work and got someone else to address the envelope so i would be surprised when i opened it
so now it’s been upped for real
he lived in the shower with us for awhile being shoved into bottles and loofahs and having a half bloated body

basically thanks kirsty!

Toronto party events

dance to the radio

turn it up. so not even sick of this joy division cover yet.

why isn’t there a save button in the edit section for switching my video thumbnail? how can one go in to “edit” when there is no means of saving the changes? rtr’d.

unexpressed anger at nothin in particular

being home blows, i am terribly morose over it and also on my period. fun everything. sigh.

closin’ up shop one last read on the deck. actually first read on the deck as it only gets sun in the morning time and guess which princess be sleepin’ ’round then why am i talking like a rapper now? hangin’ out with the skids has changed my vocab delivery some. guess it’s trying to acclimate back to its former garbage pile self.

i do not drink steamwhistle unless i am at steamwhistle and there is nothing else to drink. therefore, these soldiers, not mine. i may be a pisstank, but not a beer pisstank.

the soles are for indoors. FT! wearin’ ‘em out try and stop me.

i could just cry.

where most of the magic happens.

my pizza with ground beef what tastes like hamburger helper, spinach and tomato i give it a B solid, no plus no minus. the guys both got salty olives on their pizzas, ruins everything. olives are meant for martinis only. also, i do not understand this whole pineapple shit. do not get me started on pineapple, woh-no what are you a fucking luau? NO. you are a pizza. act like one.

almost bites it. who knew that chair tilted back so much.

two rounds of over-tired somewhat blasted clue and we felt like geniuses. sean called out the name of one of the cards i had to show him. also the english sheets were all used up so the game was extra slow cos we were working from the french side, holy sal de bal thought i was on my way to the ugh forget it can’t finish this joke.

we also played scrabble and couldn’t finish on account of total collective stupidity and because fil secretly bought little fireworks that morning and it was after 3am i didn’t understand why he kept saying we had to go down to the lake one more time before bed, i don’t think i understood anything by that point actually and i didn’t grab my camera either way to go guys. but thank you for the surprise, dinky.

blew out some brain cells. i was actually in the lead for the duration but then i challenged fil on “ho” thinking it wouldn’t be in a dictionary from 1920-something. it was. challenging in scrabble gets pretty heated.

next day water way warmer, no wind so no choppy, pure fantasy.

the raft was put in not the dock, the dock was there to begin with thanks dr.correctlor buzzkill extreme aka px.

fil and sean as hot chicks. everyone dressed up in nanny’s tickle trunk costumes as kids, and adults too, lots of wigs and masks in there. i’ve a nutso post from a few years back from a very fun weekend of costumes and tomato fights in the kitchen and jager and…i’ll just have to dig ‘em up.

me wearing the same slip as fil in 2005.

i want this quilt badly.

if you let your eyes glaze over slightly they kinda look like swastikas.

DOOOGE! that’s the sound of me blowing my head off with my finger gun.

sean’s whimsical toothpaste from ireland (his wife emm spends a lot of time there, they are gaga for her in ireland) fil and i both secretly tried it. it is hot pink and reminscent of pepto bismol, not really, only cos of the pink. fun times.

last 20 emo mins to myself the guys went to the dump and saw two bears, didn’t bring cameras.

sentimental over these flowers next door.

saying goodbye to the lake is the worst that’s when you know you are really leaving and you picture over 2 hours in the car totally exhausted and no i do not want to talk about it even though i just did.

here’s a bit of coincidence for you, or fate, or whatever hippie word you feel like using, cosmic perhaps. so while kid fil was fartin’ around at his cottage all those years back, 9 years his junior and right around the corner every summer at the homestead cottages there i was partying away with my family, seriously so close to his less than 5 minutes. can you imagine if we met, wouldn’t have worked out ha ha. i read in one of fil’s kindergarden reports by a teacher that he was moody and only happy when things were going his way. hole in one pretty much.

UPDATE: here is the post from the legendary september 2005 weekend. i was even asked to remove some photos from it back then ha and THIS POST will tell you all about it. a lot of things become my fault when fil is wasted on jager. i’m glad this post exists as evidence of it. oh here‘s another photo post. fk’n sean actually poured champagne through that strainer on my head.

that’s all for now holy hell the sky is so dark and i just heard some killer thunder time for some metallica and now it is pissing rain. EMOOOOOOO rainmi.

i will be adding some more photos to this post so come back if you have nothing better to do during your twenty-odd internet website shuffling OCD sprees, we all do it.

i see the birds in the rain

we’re back now, had to, cid the fatty needs lots of food and attention constantly. it’s nice coming back saturday nite, way less emo cos you don’t wake up the following day on a monday. anyway, first off, here are some artfag shots i took using fil’s camera. he just left it layin’ there by the dock so i figured the best way to learn how to use it is to teach myself and not have him hovering like a dad trying to teach you how to drive. impossible.

the big-ass lens was on it too, you know the ones you see baseball photographers using, looks like a geeky nasa telescope? wicked heavy.

pretentious mistake. i dig.

this is in the boathouse of the cottage next door, fil’s childhood shared family cottage.

this picture likely already exists from years back.

of course.

really feeling that table top.

hahahaha so pretentious.

the boys put the dock in and had to go into town to get some tools, thus me alone with camera.

cousin sean’s dock.

hey loon.

ok i’ll chop these in half, next post, photos with my camera.

hi buddies.

oh and i banged my head pretty hard thursday nite. the guys were trying to creep me out by claiming they “saw something” move past the front window really quick, so i ran to the back and slammed the door as fast as possible not knowing you have to push with all your might to close that particular door until it catches with the deadbolt so it bounced back wicked fast as i was bending over recuperating from the hasty (saving our lives from a mysterious psycho killing bear person monster!) activity and knocked me on the top of my head, left side. it’s still pretty sore and i think attributed to some of my dizziness yesterday i had assumed was merely hangover and now thanks to billy mays’ bump on the noggin death, i fear my time’s gonna come like any second.

also, those motherfuckers saw nothing. blood on their hands now.

obsessive blogpulsive

we all just spent way too long arguing over what toppings to get on two pizzas. one of us is a vegetarian. even whipped out a measuring tape. good thing fil got off the phone so we could sort it out. we are each getting our own pizzas and i can’t even remember what i requested on mine. the sun down by the water is amazing, getting some good work done on the tan front. no sunblock here so i just slapped on some warpaint.

this one’s for the hippies.

this one’s for the douchebags.

i jumped in the lake, the only one who has. i win. got immediately out afterward though. tons of pollen floating around the edges, gross. plus there are monsters down there. dead bodies of missing people never found, the lake is very deep and very cold down there, the bodies are entombed why am i talking about this right now?

see all the pollen, it’s yellow not dirt brown. annoying either way.

fil said i reminded him of sloane peterson. then i got all suspicious. moment ruined.

there’s no greater feeling than waving to someone on their speedboat from a dock and they wave back it’s like mutual givin’er vibes. well there are greater feelings but for that moment, it was the best one.

hey doods i’ll invade any one of your cottages anytime no problem you know how to reach me.

the boys aren’t getting fireworks. boo. sean is going to try and talk fil into it. maybe at least sparklers.

the killpond

last nite before passing out.

teeny crazy rain windstorm what lasted 3 minutes if that. we ate at the millpond aka the killpond cos some guy busted in and shot his entire family back in the 90s. fucked eh.

we’re all pretty hung and useless. after breakfast we went to this hippie flower shack and i looked in the gift shop, sleuthing out some wacky finds.

hahah right.


kinda really wanted this (in different colour) but think i’ll wait til my hair turns white and i go completely squirly.

regret not buying it. the lady said she’s gonna get more, this was a kid’s medium, wicked small.

for the bathroom.

i want to propriate a crazy lady store one day too. it is my destiny.

score! finally some moccs.

time for a light beer and some dock action. xoxo.

windchimes are for people too stupid to know the wind is blowing.

in the bathroom stall at the killpond, look how many tickets were ripped off and there were two sheets. not good.

oh cottage

MJ rainbow. what a day huh? seeing footage of him as a kid is what’s making me feel most bummed, singin’ jams like abc and whatnot. we’re listening to the thriller album right now.

here’s an oldie mj vid of me being a deaner in the car. one star brilliant. this is from back when my trolls were trollin’ pretty hard.

on with the show as they say. this old man butted in front of us and the lady in this shot said TELL HIM he doesn’t know what he did all in charge and shit. awesome. so i did and he said well i thought you were takin’ pictures (not in line) i said same thing. nice try old man.


made it just in time for the last of light. fil got a speeding ticket mere moments from getting here ugh brutal. the guy was nice and dropped it. we were going 115 in an 80.

someone insisted we wear our wolf shirts.

love this place.

shoulda got a picture before i trashed it.

we felt the lake water and it’s sooooooo warm.

bye for now, drinking work to do.

think we’re gonna get fireworks tomorrow. i wish we did when in town but dad said no.