boy cancer am i

Michael: Hey there
Like your idea about blogging this and yes please change my name. Use my middle name if you could please

me: can you change your chat handle to that for future
so i dont have to retype
actually no biggie

Michael: or just use Michael, no matter really

me: oh yeah michael is fine
ill just leave out your last name

Michael: i cant believe my new fav pic of you is not topless lol. second pic in crabby goes for a walk post

me: oh thanks
it’s nice to know that pervs don’t lose their perv when they are going to kick it

Michael: once a perv always…. Hey I ran strip clubs most my life

me: really?
how sleazily hilarious

Michael: oh yeah, I was manager of Deja Vu in Colorado springs for years
it was pretty sleazy, but fun

me: what were the girls like
in rural bars aren’t they a little more uh, seasoned?

Michael: anywhere from drop dead beautiful, to uggh
Colorado springs is a decent sized city so we got them all

me: ah k

Michael: I am going to CO tomorrow for an annual halloween party hosted by a stripper

me: yeah you told me
must be the memory loss ;)
im re-reading our first chat now

Michael: yup, i do have memory loss so bear with me

me: its ok i do too but its the booze’s fault

Michael: lol
ill say it once, cause im not a nazi, but u should quit smoking. ok enough on that, i hate smoking nazis

me: dude i DID quit smoking
last winter
cigarettes disgust me
im one of those arrogant annoying non smokers now

Michael: cool i think i remember now

me: nice
im trying to think of a title for this blog post of our chat

Michael: well good job, i still smoke. whats it gonna do now?

me: in it i mention yer middle name is *****
on top of talking to you as michael
should i omit that

Michael: do whatever is easy

me: ok i wont mention yer middle name

Michael: groovy

me: so did you tell your family yet

Michael: well they know i am sick, but they dont know the extent yet
i want to do some things first and dont want family all freaked out

me: good
can i use your picture on my blog
did you see reality bites? the scene when the gay guy and his friend act out a vignette of what its going to be like to tell his parents hes gay
you should watch it

Michael: i saw it years ago, ill have to watch it again. Sure use any pic u want

me: ok im trying to get u more lady friends
steve zahn is hilarious
which family members do u have to tell, siblings too?

Michael: 2 brothers and my mom

me: who is going to take it the hardest
there was an older pic of you in black and white
why cant i find it
wearing glasses?

Michael: Mom, she just lost her sister and a dear friend and I am her fav son lol
oh it should be in my facebook profile pics

me: email me it cant find it

Michael: sent

me: got it thanks

Michael: i am really interested where this is all gonna go

me: me too
im sure its going to be a sensitive spot for many

Michael: yeah but i have humor about it all so dont worry about anything

me: yeah you’re alright you know?
i added this to the bottom of the post, and u already got a comment
you should interact with people in the comments
brb laundry

Michael: k
gotta get out of bed and shower, but we will chat more later. I liked the post by the way. ttyl

me: thanks
9 people lurking in my comments
probably writing novels

Michael: cool, we are gonna be a hit lol

me: totally
i bet someone will call me an asshole

Michael: tell them i said fuck you if they do

me: you can do that for me cos they cant fight you back muahaha

Michael: lol. i will. see ya soon

if you missed it here is the previous chat to this one with michael.

director of photography

Xenia: dude I feel that I need to tell you as a pal that you should really take it easy on making this pout face in pictures

me: wow youre a fucking bitch eh
thats how my mouth goes
im not making it

Xenia: wtf i knew you were gonna take it like that

me: when im nervous i cant help IT

Xenia: but i have seeen you in real life and it doesnt

me: jesus

Xenia: fuck well sorry didnt mean to be a bitch i just figured its a photo face you do

me: its a trait inherited from my nana
i hate it
its that or no smile at all

Xenia: jesus sorry i didnt know
i guess thats why it seemed so weird that youd do it all the time

me: well at least you care enough to go over my pictures with a fine tooth comb

Xenia: ???

me: im joking

Xenia: whatever it seemed deliberate and i thought you were not aware i was trying to help guess you can lose your shit about it

me: and why exactly should i take it easy on pursing my lips like that
im not losing my shit, you’re just extremely rude sometimes

Xenia: cause its looks like youre making a pouty face in every picture like 13 year old girls on myspace

me: and now you are being defensive about it

Xenia: well yeah cause i didnt mean any harm

me: yes your intentions are pure

Xenia: yeah they fucking are

me: when cameras are in your face all the fucking time you dont know how to pose your face any more
and being wasted adds to it

Xenia: yeah i understand – i thought you were doing the opposite
anyways sorry ive said anything

me: its a nervous smirk
thats like pointing out my lazy eye

Xenia: well it doesn’t look like a lazy eye or a nervous smirk it looks like a deliberate pouty camera face but you said it wasn’t and so I guess its not then ok

me: ps i dont have a lazy eye
dude why are you so into fighting

Xenia: I’m not sorry PMS!!

me: you see no fault in what you say
its rude

Xenia: uh I get all upset if people think im being a bitch
what’s rude?

me: i do not deliberately set out to do zoolander faces all the time, i have many various and shitty facial expressions in pictures, thank you for pointing one out

Xenia: well i didnt know sorry

me: its ok
im so blogging this tho

Xenia: sure whatever what im saying is that i think youre someone who takes their pictures seriously so then i feel like i can remark on your posing
cause its not like a family snapshot from 1988 and i’m like OH this belt sucks!

me: i will try to be more aware of it in the future just for you
i will think XENIA every time i pose from now on
and now i am going to go thru all of your facebook pictures and find that same smirk
i bet you do it too

Xenia: youre psychotic raymi go ahead

me: i am kidding jesus
you cant nag someone when you are immediately on the defense

Xenia: hah im looking at my pics to see if i do it now CAUSE OF YOUR RAYMI
but my drunk face is half closed eye and exposed gums so consider yourself in luck

me: haha
also i think its cos i am aging so thank you for reminding me

Xenia: how is it cause of aging
how is that possible?

me: your face gets skinnier and the loose flesh is lined
i dunno
i just know it hasn’t always been the prevalent

Xenia: ugh loose flesh
maybe it has to do with being more self conscious

me: no its from losing weight + getting older = deadly combo
then posing with strangers drunk
and being neurotic

Xenia: still better than fatface i think

me: yeah i am fatface all over the place when i grin

Xenia: hence nervous smirk!!

me: inherited pucker
my mom does it too
ps i liked how i looked in that picture

Xenia: i didnt say it was a bad face you just make it alot

me: not any more or less than other dumb faces i pull

Xenia: yes but recognizable for me because of things lik this and

me: omg
why are you looking at pictures of little girls/boys?

Xenia: no its ugh miley sirus’s myspace i think

me: those are way more extreme than my pucker

Xenia: i googled myspace pout on google images

me: haha
well thank you for lumping me in with that lot
ive been mugging for pics before myspace even existed and those kids were not even 7 years old

Xenia: what are you talking about how are we onto this didnt we cover this whole thing already?

me: yes we did, we are both reiterating it
anyway now i have something new to be self conscious about thank you
honestly thank you
sorry for pms

Xenia: omg ok YOU WELCOME

me: ha
and thank you for the blog material my trolls will jump all over this opportunity to rip on me more

Xenia: am i telling you to post it?
what planet are you on now

me: omg
i am saying thank you for the blog material

Xenia: ok “thank you for the blog material my trolls will jump all over this opportunity to rip on me more”

me: and as an aside my loser readers will take the opportunity to use it

Xenia: ok well thats not how it came across

me: i garbled it all in together

Xenia: ok listen i gotta go

me: byebye

as another aside, i’m pretty sure that i don’t take my pictures seriously, why would i pose with two hats on and beer dribbling down my face if that were the case? i pretty much take nothing seriously.

Xenia: hey ok i just had a cigarette sorry i realized that I don’t know what kind of an answer I was expecting to thta, that is kind of shitty, i guess that I was thinking of it from a photo point of view like ; ‘you take alot of pictures of this one tree’ or something like that, but i shouldnt have said that cause its personal as well and that’s easy to forget when you post so many photos, that theyre photos of you and your expressions are personal

me: ok thank you
re-reading it got me steamed all over again
to be honest
like, you think you get me, people do, but they dont, i really take nothing seriously other than i dunno
im not like serious posing, im out at a party, people hugging and posing for pictures, its not a thought out thing at all

Xenia: i guess cause youre your own model its easy to critisize and feel that its valid and i feel like the person in the pictures is not the one i’m talking to per se but of the model, you know? so i would make a comment on the picture and not about your behaviour
which is obviously not what you meant – but i forget that
so, sorry, that was dumb!!

me: if i took it seriously im pretty sure i would have like a business model/plan and be posing like paris fucking hilton

Xenia: yeah
sorry I guess I’m an asshole in an asshole mood – please don’t take it personally i was just being knobheaded

me: i haven’t taken it personally i get it

Xenia: i thought i was ‘helping’ or something

me: you’re v black and white about things and sometimes you are blunt without thinking

Xenia: like if i told you you had food stuck between your teeth
yeah i know
sorry bah

me: like i wouldn’t tell you to take it easy on wearing your hair in buns all the time, cos thats a personal thing
and is rude
its none of my business
like how my pictures are none of yer business

Xenia: i know i know sorry

me: but i appreciate the input, u cant insult someone then tell them omg you are losing your shit

Xenia: like i said, i thought i was giving some kind of a constructive critique then i realized i had no right to

me: like of course i am
you insulted me
tho i let you off pretty easy i think

Xenia: yeah i have no sense of tact

me: its ok
one day you will say the wrong thing to someone and you will get a nice lesson heh

Xenia: i have before i just dont think before saying
sometimes its ok but sometimes its really shitty and i feel bad

me: like the time u made fun of that guy’s acne in front of sneaky dees then i blogged about it and it pissed you off cos the next day you sobered up and realised how insanely rude and mean that was
i will add this portion of the convo to my post


oh just lying in bed recounting all the embarrassing things i said last nite

went to strangelove for fritzhelder & the phanoms‘ lagerfeld lady video release party last nite with ainsley, first i will tief fil‘s pix and then i will make coffee and then i will go through my own pictures and somehow black out every stupid desperate thing that came out of my mouth last nite. this girl is charming you know that?

oh god get a load of my awkward arm what a wimp. that’s boytech voguing with us.

oh man sarah in the event that you actually look at this thing i am loads less lame for real but in my defense you initiated conversation with me first so there’s that.

look sass it’s your friend and after this was taken he fell backward into the red rope and tried to take us all with him. fun guy!

oh i’d just like to leave you with a nice song before i go for now.

snug as a fug

hangovers, for one and all!

shut up i KNOW it’s rIesling not rEEsling i was trying to be funny, though, it’s one of those words i constantly say wrong, you know when you hear a word for the first time and someone says it wrong forever after that is how you say it? like how i say auntie’s and auntie’s thanks to samir fudging it up once. anties and AUnties, i at least pronounce each auntie’s differently.

EDIT: omfg it IS rEEsling. guh! see!? can never get it right!

breakfast beer.

i got up early and thought it was going to be all over but i powered through and successfully got my shit together. shit as in whiskey and coffee.

then a million fried eggs.

dave just informed me he somehow lost a pound this weekend. i no longer feel bad for him.

then i put on some real clothes.

to get your own onesie outfit what looks like you dumped in your pants, visit SNUGASABUG. they have so many different prints to choose from and ones with trap doors too, and matching pet collars and other retarded things.

the last cottage weekend

sniff. how do you multiply a thousand sighs by a million? i feel so fat, i gained three pounds and i don’t want to talk about it! maybe it was the fifty meals and snacks and pop you think? we were constantly eating. ok whatever here we go, these are more people-oriented shots this time cos it was cold and we were too busy playing games and drinking AND EATING to bother looking at leaves. it was supposed to rain the entire weekend and it mostly did though we were granted some dry parts throughout, again not that it mattered cos i barely went outside. ON WITH IT! oh here‘s the set, so far, installments people, installments.

mini stop for booze and snacks and oh look a supermarket bratz doll rip-off, how nice. we saw some desperate to be hipster kids milling about this community center, burn. one was dressed like ducky, complete with leopard print tie over t-shirt and kooky hat, he eyed us like crazy. aw.

who did we bring with us this time?

brosz7kowski! the stress was just melting off his shoulders standing on the dock. i have a suspicion the beer helped a little bit too.

hai thare oh hai thare.

dave was quite the foodie host this weekend oh man my scale thanks you pal.

he slaved all nite on these puff pastries. what a dick.

LOTR monopoly what a treat. a nice verbally abusive and psychotically, competitive treat.

i find if i hold my face just so and snap it from this angle i can look like my 22 year old former skinny younger self.

the sun came out for magic hour.

playing asshole.

oh look there’s one now. ps. that hat i bought from le chateau 2 winters ago i spied it at h&m last week, great.

the asshole wears a stupid hat.

i don’t need to be an asshole to wear this hat.

i have discovered land.

so there’s more to life than being really really really extremely ridiculously good looking? and what is that?

new asshole head gear.

jambi the genie!

Meka Leka Hi Meka Hiney Ho!

raymi diet no-no: hanging with stoners.

i taught dave how to season the steaks and to dress the asparagus. don’t forget dave!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm oh god.

evil delicious supermarket garlic bread. they really do get it right.

it only dawned on me that i would be stuck with three fancy camera geeks once we got there, guess how fun sitting in on those conversations is?

this fun.

my favourite lure of the deck.

dave brought out the fancy wine glasses circa 1980 then we all put on some shoulder pads, teased our hair and bedazzled our names onto t-shirts.


total asshole.

dave how much for this stupid cup?

double asshole with cheese oh fuck i JUST remembered we had wendy’s on our way up FUCK.

ok round two comin’ soon.

aw dave is so bummed he took the day off work to reminisce over all my jokes.


so this awesome chick emailed me a few weeks ago about adult footed pj’s cos i seem mental enough to want some, obviously i accepted, and they just arrived!

hahaha, steph has a christmas fetish.

sass got adult small, i got medium, height guys height. i bet i could deal with a small. oh well. fil’s XL is HUGE.

they even do matching collars for your pets.

he’s bunching all the material in the back.

last minute desperation halloween costume?

family portrait to come, obviously.