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if you

were lindsay lohan and i wrote to you and told you that you looked at me once before in real life (true story), would you write back?

what if i also told you i painted a picture of you?

oh man, i can pretty much file that one under NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

fuck, i should have followed it up with i have a card of this picture on my fridge (also true):


she at least straight away accepted my friend request on myspace and it was her real account this time, unlike the fifty other times i wrote to “her”.

Phil: she probably needs your friendship

me: i added her for the millionth time to myspace
are u saying that for ulterior motive purposes

Phil: no, jokes guy
so you could become famous[er]
wait what ulterior motives

me: 3way

Phil: omg dood
yeah i really think you and her are gonna become buds so i suggested you be her friend so that she will come to toronto and play jenga over at our place

me: ha
well she accepted my friendship

Phil: as usual
one among thousands i assume

me: i wrote to her this: ” stupid desperate note too embarrassing to post here*******”

Phil: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
FAGLOR

me: I KNOW
dude this is how people must feel when they write to me

Phil: hahahaha i am actually laughing out loud

me: trying to rope u in
while being cool about it
dude its all baloney ok fuck off
if it works u are not allowed to meet her
because of this reaction

Phil: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

me: SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP

Phil: heehee ok ha that’s enough
hehe
ok im done

me: SHE ACCEPted my request faster than my own friend did

Phil: ok sweets
how many friends does she have

me: 30000
she is prolly looking at my blog right now

Phil: thirty thousand??!!
wow

me: thats not that much

Phil: oh i thought it was

me: well its not like 4895458745340

LINDSAY IF YOU ARE READING I SWEAR I AM NOT CRAZY AND I MEANT EVERY WORD IN THE COOLEST WAY POSSIBLE AND NO IT’S NOT BALONEY I ONLY SAID THAT TO MY BOYFRIEND TO SAVE FACE.

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