free hit counter


raymi’s status is HITLER ZIT

Ryan: paint it black
hitler zit. paint it black !

me: ha

Ryan: let’s talk drinks i’ve never slept in 40 hours now

me: oh man no u need to sleep

Ryan: i see in your future a great hunger for a beer
i know im no good to anyone or myself without like a nap but like
after this nazareth song ill nap

me: dude theres a brew in the fridge i might hit it

Ryan: ddddooooo iiiit

me: after this nazareth song ill nap hahahhaha

Ryan: fuuuckkk yeah ARE YOU GONNA DO IT
hahah i am typing with one hand because my fist is A ROCKIN’ IN THE AIR

me: not yet im too busy playing with a chin hair and fantasizing about plucking it

Ryan: aw shit it’s over

me: which song was it

Ryan: can’t you name it and tell the hipsters that you are a gardener but instead of lame flowers you cultivate chin hairs
this flight tonight of course

me: i have one that grows every week under my chin
couple others too
it’s from a scab that used to be there from a wound

Ryan: haha i get unexplained hairs too
maybe scabs? could scabs be the reason? wounds?

me: sometimes i forget and then one day im out and theres an inch long hair
well it kept scabbing and i kept picking at it and wouldnt let it heal
lucky i dont have a scar

Ryan: my cousin no lie has a hair growing out of his nipple that was 4 feet long once, and just one hair
nail clippers lil bic shaver?

me: wtf
why did he let it grow

Ryan: same as why you and me notice a hair like an inch long like
you just don’t notice
hahah we measured it in science glass


Ryan: i mean class
i know

me: i am picturing this and i dont want to be

Ryan: well mine grow outta my moles
yeah don’t

me: ok molenough

Ryan: i can’t grow facial hair it sucks

me: tho i have one on my wrist and i rip out the hair when it is long enough with my fingers

Ryan: this is getting molerboard

me: people in thunder bay cant grow facial hair

Ryan: yeah i bite the one on my wrist off
it’s always black

me: let me help molevate you

Ryan: that’s because they’re indians raymi
i need a mole lot of inspiration like it keeps happening i’m tempted to just say hi these are my moles and that’s the black hair that grows out of it
i’m ridiculous i have blonde body hair black stubble brown hair and once i found an auburn hair like all i’m missing is red

me: are you one of those overly mole people

Ryan: no no if i were a girl you could call them beauty marks cause like

me: talking about hairs and moles is making me feel queasy

Ryan: they’re in ok places
i understand me too. what’s the opposite of queasy
let’s talk drinks
i see a healthy hunger for vodka in my future
are we like fa-mole-y now

me: oh god

Ryan: i got nothin

me: i am farting into my towel into the couch

Ryan: hahah does it squeak
are there people who would buy that towel, gross
i don’t want to make you puke or anything but i remember i was havin a smoke with a guy who’d been in jail for so long
and some tightie walks by and he goes all wide-eyed and pervy and foaming and goes “oh man i’d drink HER bathwater”
hahah fuck i laughed

me: ungh pleasant

Ryan: another fart or
the story

me: story

Ryan: yeah some people’s children

me: im trying to think of something more disgusting to share

Ryan: s to the megma buddy

me: i walked by this frat dude two nites ago who had a 180 degree pile of spew all around him on the sidewalk and all his buds were dancing around with tallboys in their hands
i almost stopped and scolded them
like come on take care of your friend
thats the diff between girls and guys

Ryan: haha dancing to puke

me: girls like to take care of the situation immediately
guys use it as entertainment opportunities

Ryan: i know but i like to be left alone and not looked at if i’m sick from the drink
like lemme lay down somewhere for awhile on my side i’ll be ok so i let it go
i saw my friend hit the beak of his hat with his puke once, holding it in, rushing to a sink – like you said, i laughed

me: hahahahha

Ryan: maternal instincts are all well and fine but if you catch me unable to stand just lemme hang out on the ground for awhile

me: ok i dont like mental pictures of spew

Ryan: yeah ok well imagine i was on mushrooms and it looked like a gay rainbow
i haven’t puked from drinking in yyears actually
i’ll stop the grossout festival

me: i love that scene in tenacious d the pick of destiny when hes on shrooms and thinks he is in a strawberry red river floating lazily down it with all these magical colours and nice music but really hes going down a fast rapid of dirty cold river water at nite and its freezing out
the cut-to is the best
i want to find it on youtube

Ryan: hahah yeah or like simpsons where willie’s making out with a rake

me: and his face is getting all clawed

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