he’s better than pitt

watching this makes me feel very humbled, and happy, and, i can’t pinpoint the exact feeling, really. twilight zoney i guess. what’s next, hamburgers eating people? i would have liked to see a pan of the entire elephant (doing the) painting though.

i thought it was important to capture this last moment of being 24, well, my hungover still/pre-menstrual/drunk/vodka thought so at least.

you’re gettin’ old when someone gives you a self-help book.

fil said i wasn’t allowed to put these up.

watch me.

from britt.

i was planning to just sleep all day to “stick it” to anyone who didn’t care, it’s dreary out, i feel like a cow, an old birthday cow. thanks for the wishes everyone!

maybe i shouldn’t have made more chicken meatballs jerk sauce and sour cream wow. i painted my left hand’s fingernails fluorescent yellow (celtic sun), henna gave me a bag full of beauty products wicked score. i plan to take pictures of all my presents don’t worry, once i’m able to bend over without pitching my face to the ground, and also once the desire to barf dissipates, hopefully. fuck thanks for the shots everyone but never again. that prairie fire was an interesting way to start the evening, and then as i was introducing henna as hanna no hEN-naaaaaaaaah i knew it was downhill from there. and then i tried to catch sour watermelon candies in my mouth and failed every time, plonking myself in the eye instead, in front of everyone, it fuckin’ hurt. i also screamed out to jen JEN’S A SLUT as she was on stage just before singing, another shining moment by yours truly, then took it back by saying I WAS KIDDING or IT’S A JOKE. she did proud marry and even wore a chic tina turner style outfit, i accused her of planning that moment.

oh god then there was the lady with the sunglasses for bangs and sideshow bob hair who performed her original song and dance number and then tried to sell everyone her CDs jesus lady fuck off! oh yeah i also pointed at jen and screamed SHE WANTS ONE hahah oh jen after all these years yer still putting up with my shit, bless you. melodie sang, pitt sang, liam sang, henna sang, anita left just before her name was called. there was a cougar divorce party on the scene, v. nice. sharpie and samir came out, the confessions of a porn addict party was also at the gladstone in the back (which we (me/fil) were also supposed to attend) so easy for them to go back and forth party. brad britt nick tiff mike paul jeff gill olga matt courtney am i missing anyone? thanks guys! the karaoke host is still a hog who tries to duet with you or sing over you and does not hold back on facial expressions if he does not dig your steez, and usually this is when dudes are trying to be arty or interpretive or funny, he does not like being upstaged. also i noticed that all the songs i used to do and get standing O’s for are conveniently not listed in the song books anymore what the fuck. i asked him if there were other songs and he sternly told me no. i need my own karaoke bar who’s with me?

sharpie told me all nite long how skinny my thighs were, that was icing on the cake.

pitt was BLOWN AWAY by liam’s singing, he thought he was a ringer, i’m like pitt you gather that he is actually a musician you know and not some secret gem that came out of the shadows to sing for the first time in his life tonite? pitt did not compute. cougar divorce party were big fans of liam oh man.

matt just would not shut up about his socks and shoes fetish.

fil is actually laughing here this is not a pose and he did not know i was about to take a picture.

karaoke host was eyeballing liam something fierce too.

and this would be about the time when things continued moreso down the hill and i started crying ahahahahahahaha

i told him not to cos i thought it would sully my chances at singing another song (it didn’t thankfully) i had to hook him off, he went up w/o shoes on too he was going to fully commit. at first we were dueting but then i panicked thinking oh no i won’t be able to do one more song so i passed the mic up and then off comes pitt’s shirt.

DRUNKAOKE!

the camera turns off cos i see that the host wants pitt to be ejected and he’s just about to take his pants off, i smooth it over with the bouncer, after dragging pitt offstage and demanding he put his clothes and shoes back on.

yesterday afternoon, monstergirl informed me (all month long actually) that if i didn’t go to this reception she would stop being my friend, so fine, we went, and fuck, was it ever amazing.

there are four other artists (pure ray caesar <3 though) in the show, and it goes 'til april 27th, you really should go, the neighbourhood the gallery is located in is so totally waspy jewy rich the people are worth it alone if not to just dig on how bananas they are. we went to a starbuck's there and i couldn't get over these peeps, totally surreal, the annex has got nothing on ‘em.

then alicia and jogee came by to drop off some penis straws, you know?

took these during earth hour before we left last nite, you better have turned your lights off too. in the cab we took note of all the buildings, homes, businesses that had lights on and were pretty pissed off. the gladstone’s lights were off and the room was lit by candles, karaoke didn’t start til ten though and we had to sit through a loud boring band for over an hour.

thank you everyone who came out last nite it meant so much to me and i had a blast with you, thanks for the presents and drinks, you guys are too kind! pictures and vids to come xo

guess what i’m 128lbs! probably most favouritest present of all right now. we’ll see if it lasts ’til the end of the day haha.

oh and sorry for crying at the end of the nite there guys, heh.

me: fil just ran across the room to get the rest of my yogurt

omg: haha

me: i said are we lesbians now who eat yogurt
he is wearing slippers and underwear and glasses
the answer is yes

omg: one yogurt is not enough for 2
what flavor is it
cream top yogurt freaked me out

me: it was a big one
it was raspberry

omg: what brand is it

me: now we are sharing a coffee flavoured one

omg: why is it so good

me: the raspberry is no sugar added pure lesbo

omg: i like soy yogurt
that is like butch lesbo

me: wow we aren’t at that stage yet
i hated yogurt growing up
my mom put it in my lunch

omg: then u can get goat milk yogurt

me: this fat kid always took it off me
he was like i like frozen yogurt

omg: haha

me: im like uh this isnt tcby
do you have tcby in america

omg: yes

me: what does it stand for
tough cunt bitch yogurt

omg: the country best yogurt
i guess any country

me: right

omg: we also had a place called i can’t believe its yogurt

me: well anyway the yogurt would be really cold still and basically served as a cooling implement for the rest of my food
so what was it margarine

omg: my mom froze our juice box for that effect
ha, no
i just looked it up
you have i can’t believe its yogurt in canada
canada, it’s just like america!

me: yeah mine too!
re: juicebox

omg: sweet
i got made fun of

me: canada: like america, but yesterday, and better!

omg: b/c my mom bought us gerber juice once
its for babies

me: i basically threw all of my lunch away
peanut butter sandwiches barf
all coagulated
then she got us oscar meyer lunchables
i was the envy of everyone

omg: those were enviable
but they were nasty

me: but what i really coveted were my portuguese and italian peers’ deli meats

omg: i wanted them so bad

me: terrible for you
and now they’ve blown up like gangbusters
terrible

omg: there is something weird about cold cuts that need no refrigeration
i envied zebra cakes the most, anything little debbie

me: oh canadians dont eat little debbie
thats why we are skinnier
when i go into an american supermarket i am shocked and appalled

omg: you don’t have that in canada?

me: and on price is right when they have the guess the price of games, theres always little debbie and i never know the prices

omg: ha

me: they exist in supermarkets here but very minimal quantities and variations of
flavours? styles? but no one buys them

omg: kids used to call me superteeth
to make fun of my crooked teeth
when i was traveling through ontario
i stayed in napanee by chance
and i thought of avril

me: ha

omg: ha at superteeth or avril?

me: avril
kids are dicks
they’re like anonymous blog commenters

omg: ha yes

oh here i am in grade 8 what a tomboy

last nite the gibson showroom had a nice l’il party, but don’t they always.

my favourite designed guitar.

in cab en-route, not the brightest of drivers.

these shoes aced their first nite out test, they ride up and down a bit (size 9s, i’m but i can deal.

i forgot to get a decent picture of alicia’s sick earrings (yes i just said sick) one is a gun, the other a bullet.

i’m terrible at this game.

theory of a deadman, pretty slick, despite jogee saying they’re chick indie music (so not though)(chick music, but not indie), held my attention for more than 3 minutes, i was on my best behaviour.

see look, best behaviour w/ bonus mannequin hand sticking out, one of my autisms captured just for you:

gill was in one of her famous moods heh.

fil the official event photog.

and that would be stink-eye from yers truly.

free wine (dan akroyd) beer (steamwhistle) and patron tequila all nite long, and catered food you guys really should email me when i tell you to.

i gave in to the the starch last nite (not the teeny burger buns though) and wendy was right after not having them for a long time when you finally dig in it does NOT agree with your stomach, i had a lovely date with some tums and pepto and gingerale when we got home. oh and we watched american psycho, my first time.

this is my impression of you.

dudes, i think i’m over bangs!

the one second of the nite when tiff looked sad, everything else was all smiles. she brought us back the cutest magnets from sxsw.

still can’t figure out that game, the frets light up in various sequence and yer supposed to mimic it but we can’t get it to do anything other than lighting up when you tap the frets so you feel clairvoyant then realize oh this is just doing what i am doing not the other way around, on top of being buzzed. good times.

oh, there’s the bullet.

just, you know, hangin’ mhmm. see that blue thing in my purse, that’s my journal, i brought it in case i got bored (we arrived early for fil) and for the majority of the time waiting for people to arrive i felt like the biggest tool ever on top of being dressed like an elf.

then this dude asks us if we have a guitar pick (uh yeah cos i carry picks around with me ALL the time) and then proceeds to jam the fuck out (while wearing vinyl pants) on the couch right beside us and we had to act like it wasn’t at all awkward. i explained to jogee that that’s normal at the gibson showroom, musicians milling about are encouraged to pick up the guitars or play the pianos. anyway it was funny cos we didn’t see it coming and had to act non-chalant.

he had a good voice.

here is me being non-chalant can you tell? while joe is even closer to the dude blamming away ha.

yes we went there.

ugh my face.

one thing about exercising that’s fun, is coming up with more and more retarded outfits to sweat to.

ok dudes who’s with me tomorrow nite at the gladstone, be there beFORE 9 if you want to get in the karaoke rotation near the top, and sit near me, and see me make a complete dick of myself, or sit there moodily.

oh and if you want to hang with me early tonite email or text i will tell you what the plan is.

this is what it’s going to look like at the gladstone saturday nite if you don’t come

ha kidding the room was jammed you just can’t tell from the angle of this picture, and that’s me at 19 before they reno’d the place. see yikes look at the ceiling: