big tits 135lbs


yes it’s true my tits are big right now, premenstrual tits and i’m down to 135. i don’t think i’ve been 135 for a couple years now at least, probably longer. oh the bags under my eyes are bigger too, it is worth it though! who knew that eating more, yet eating less could make you look like you got punched in both eyes. oh i guess all of you guys did seeing as you told me 376458428 times about it! i can’t wait ’til spring so i can go long boarding and walk everywhere again. someone is blowing bubbles in the park, wintertime bubbles in the snow. fag. ha kidding.

we went to crystal rolls last nite, the waitress recommended that i have the shrimp something or other over the grilled chicken (which i wanted more) cos the shrimp was more expensive, it was crap.

we were both unimpressed with our meals and pondered why we go back there still? i like the atmosphere, it’s soothing, ‘cept for the chick beside us talking aggressively to her friend about some work-related thing, i kept shooting her looks like simmer down will ya?

these are my old navy jeans that are too big in the thighs and make me feel like a cow, fuckin’ mom jeans, i have tried shrinking them three times now if they don’t know what’s good for ‘em they’ll be turned into shorts soon enough.

cid keeps crawling all over my grill he’s being really selfish like come on don’t you know i am overhauling my blog right now and i have a tiny window of blogging opportunity only!?

here he is on the fridge dropping bombs to the floor of all our on top of fridge junk, this means feed me.

what a dick.

oh yeah i ran into the livingroom last nite and pulled down my underwear at fil and screamed AMBUSH! ahahahhahahahahahhahahaha

ok doooods

things be messy in these hurr parts right now, sorrskies. the main reason i finally carried this shit over is 1. moohla (advertisers are panty waists and prefer sleeker lame boring templates that your grandma can easily navigate) and 2. the previous posts function at the bottom of my blog. i know this thing takes forever to load and there’s lots of murturial you’s guys’s wants to peruse at yous’s own leisures, and the ancient blog template i’ve been milkin’ since before you even knew what a fucking blog was, was not down with that. so here we go, welcome to web 2 point fucking oh, or whatever you dicks think some new internet phenomenon is right now, which actually isn’t.

it’s going to be sloppy the next day or so, so don’t blow your heads off, you can still email me all your fascinating opinions at until my geekslave puts haloscan back up for me. nite!

houses with a view

these are some great wedding photos.


ring ring ring ring

look at caller id, oh great it’s rogers (they’ve been hounding me for months now, to discuss my long-standing customer loyalty with them, they don’t leave messages, and when i call back i get the switchboard, or when i do pick up i am greeted by ten seconds of dead air before someone greets me wtf!?)

ring ring

me: yes hello? hello hi? hello yes HELLO HEEELLLOO?!

them: dead air

me: HELLO?

them: yes hi bla lbal blal bla lblaha lblah

me: no i am not interested thank you

them: oh ok thanks is there anything else i can help you with today?

me: yes, can you stop calling me? you guys keep calling and calling and calling, if i am interested in something in the future, i, will call you. ok thank you.

them: oh ok thanks

me: yes thank you


sometimes i’ll get three calls in a day, from the same number, different person, everyday, and then every other day FOR THREE MONTHS HOLY SHIT STOP HARASSING ME IF YOU WANT ME TO REMAIN A CUSTOMER THEN FUCK OFF!

i remember one of the first calls i received i was out at dinner, it was loud, i basically said i am happy with my service at the moment, i do not need to change anything, thanks, and you’d think it would have ended there right?

if you are calling to discuss how loyal i am you should say we are going to reward you with a free blackberry or something (i’ve been a customer since i was 19) not greet me with a gigantic blast of silence then muffled sounds and speak to me like you’re hiding in a closet from burglars.

i will be a quarter century (oh fuck) old this coming march 31, so we are trying to plan some retarded colossal big blow-out party, and you’re all invited, so, if you were to come, on which day would you vote for it to be? the 31st is a monday so that’s out. please vote in this poll:


Free polls from

i had to explain to fil the other day WHY it is wrong to use the word premenstrual to explain why your girlfriend had a bad time at a concert, to which i said no i used the premenstrual thing as an excuse to make him feel less bad about the entire scene sucking so hard and actually the bad mood was from no carbs or booze and girls wearing goggles on their heads and boys barefoot in dresses and huge spectacles and it being an ALL AGES show. me, i prefer embittered hostile old drunks who can’t be bothered to broadcast their enjoyment. fil was basically like, we went to a show, i had a good time, but raymi didn’t cos she is a PSYCHO HOSE BEAST PERIOD MONSTER BLEEEARGH! that’s how the girl reads it, that’s how all girls read it, and it makes me feel embarrassed, and reducing my shitty time to being premenstrual is just insulting, even if it were true, it certainly isn’t anybody’s right to say so.

then when out for dinner with britt and gill i told them about this and their eyes bulged out of their heads. i think fil got it, even though i know he still doesn’t get it, he at least gets the reaction it derives from the chicks.

so after that we of course regaled him with tales of PERIOD FARTS and PERIOD BOWEL MOVEMENTS and BLOOD and other wonderful stuff i can’t remember at the moment, maybe he can?

Phil: ha ew
thankfully i have eaten already

me: ungh
what else were we talking about

Phil: shedding of the uterine wall
i said that

me: ewwwwwwwwwwwwww

Phil: sloughing of the dead uterine cells


Phil: yep
i kicked it up a notch and made it grosser

ancient msn chat from when i was 21 and a total dickhead. not much has changed.

i caught two interesting things on CMT (country music television) last nite i thought hope&faith was on, but instead some music video thing was and the video was scrunched up in the middle of the screen so people’s text messages could ticker along the bottom of the screen (why they couldn’t play over the video i don’t know). now here are the two interesting text messages that stood out the most for me:




um, the correlation between country music and the IQ of those who listen to it, has that been studied yet?

green thai curry? mussels with far too much cilantro dumped all over. not bad, but not blow my mind amazing either. are mussels ever that good?

fil’s pathetic quesadillas so thin they don’t even register in this picture, the waitress tried to warn him, i think these things (for 8 bones) are a goddamn insult. i gave him my bread to sop up my mussel sauce and asked for more.

britt’s shitty caesar salad and chicken satays.

tiffany’s vegetarian pad thai, purely awful.

gill’s bunless burger, also on the no carbs bandwagon (as is britt).

waiting all day for dinner, thinking about it, lovingly pouring over the restaurant’s menu online a few times, and then having your expectations totally below par met, is enough to make one blow their top. we didn’t complain, just simply never dining there again. get it right rivoli, your food is terrible, over priced and passe.

britt’s jack and 7 limes dessert.

oh hai.

oh great loudmouth old guy next door is at it again.

that would be a present from my nose.


real or forced?


yes i wipe my snot (twice) on fil’s sweater to make britt laugh.

no smiling or laughing!

so loaded.

some p. hut would totally hit the spot.

look how limber i am!

there were some dance moves last nite i hope no one recognized me.

i also totally looked like a transvestite last nite, i gave my bangs a teeny chop and applied red halloween makeup as lipstick. party.


never eating at the rivoli again.

also, here is my outfit that fil said did not look too crazy.

autistic party of 1.

sorry, bitches love these fugly glasses.

oh steve will we ever get along?

sorry run dmc much? that aqua green print on liam’s hand i didn’t believe it was a tattoo, i asked if i could try and rub it off, so i spat on my fingers and went to town. it did not come off.