thank you so much everyone for your support and kind wishes, i feel like a cad i dunno, i feel like this should be the fluff blog that’s why i don’t do the political naggy downer thing typically, a childhood friend told me once that when she sees me cry it just kills her, it’s like seeing a clown cry, not that i am a clown but you know, after having a particular image in your head of someone and the way they are and act when something real happens and they get bummed, it can be shocking. don’t get me wrong i many a time drunk cry spring it on someone and trap them into my shit but yeah, thousands of people daily whom have never met me come here to hear about how obsessed i am with my body and hair and mediocre obvious movie observations and then oh shit she IS real. anyway, i am so uh touched and despite my dad’s pride and not wanting to express or share what is going on right now, i know he would be touched as well. i don’t want to downplay nor blow anything out of proportion, it’s too soon to say, we are all thinking positively and everyday, better and better it seems, better news, better signs, there’s just a tiny hump of scary sadness to overcome, technical shit if you will.

i am this close to drunk dialing the hospital.

thank you so much everyone for your support and kind wishes, i feel like a cad i dunno, i feel like this should be the fluff blog that’s why i don’t do the political naggy downer thing typically, a childhood friend told me once that when she sees me cry it just kills her, it’s like seeing a clown cry, not that i am a clown but you know, after having a particular image in your head of someone and the way they are and act when something real happens and they get bummed, it can be shocking. don’t get me wrong i many a time drunk cry spring it on someone and trap them into my shit but yeah, thousands of people daily whom have never met me come here to hear about how obsessed i am with my body and hair and mediocre obvious movie observations and then oh shit she IS real. anyway, i am so uh touched and despite my dad’s pride and not wanting to express or share what is going on right now, i know he would be touched as well. i don’t want to downplay nor blow anything out of proportion, it’s too soon to say, we are all thinking positively and everyday, better and better it seems, better news, better signs, there’s just a tiny hump of scary sadness to overcome, technical shit if you will.

i am this close to drunk dialing the hospital.

i’m just walking around all hysterical in my head i’m not going to give too many details my dad likes his privacy. i had a tan and some greasy spoon and a thousand cups of tea and distract myself as much as possible until the haunting shit comes back to me and squeezes my heart i can’t even lose my mind yet, there will be weeks and weeks and more weeks longer until that is even an option. drinking everyday walking around this town of memories that reminds me of everything before all this.

i feel like a prisoner of my own head in my body.

haunted mostly, mostly haunted that’s as accurate as i can get right now. i bumped into tarley we went for a walk to the lake and the pier i’m so so so so tired, can’t sleep.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

i’m just walking around all hysterical in my head i’m not going to give too many details my dad likes his privacy. i had a tan and some greasy spoon and a thousand cups of tea and distract myself as much as possible until the haunting shit comes back to me and squeezes my heart i can’t even lose my mind yet, there will be weeks and weeks and more weeks longer until that is even an option. drinking everyday walking around this town of memories that reminds me of everything before all this.

i feel like a prisoner of my own head in my body.

haunted mostly, mostly haunted that’s as accurate as i can get right now. i bumped into tarley we went for a walk to the lake and the pier i’m so so so so tired, can’t sleep.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Hi…you don’t know me….but I feel like I know you. I just want to say that I hope everything works out. I usually read your blog for sheer entertainment and think that you are this person who just experinces life and has a talent for appreciating it on a different level. I never truly think of you as “real”. But you seem to be going through a tough time and now I see how real you actually are. I think your words are lovely and I hope that you only have beautiful and happy things to write about from today on.

Sincerely,

jo

Hi…you don’t know me….but I feel like I know you. I just want to say that I hope everything works out. I usually read your blog for sheer entertainment and think that you are this person who just experinces life and has a talent for appreciating it on a different level. I never truly think of you as “real”. But you seem to be going through a tough time and now I see how real you actually are. I think your words are lovely and I hope that you only have beautiful and happy things to write about from today on.

Sincerely,

jo



i’m fine

my dad is in hospital

things have been intense

it’s not a nightmare as much anymore
he’s getting a teeny bit better

still

i can’t

anyway

blogging has never felt so trivial

i am asleep on my feet i have lost a ton of weight
everything i eat goes right through me immediately

i go for a break have a drink go back to visit and sobers me right up

life is precious
if i have learned anything from this

life is fucking precious

my eyes have been bloodshot since wednesday

everytime i hear a beatles song i bust up
neil young

everytime i think i explode

i’m trying not to be fatalistic in my head

there is only so much pacing you can do
pace off a cliff

not entirely out of the woods yet
it’s critical then it’s stable

i don’t know what to say or do or think i do not have the adequate foundation to deal with stress or hospital stuff
other than crying and shitting

the heart and mind can never be prepared for what the eye delivers

come to think of it i could probably pace forever



i’m fine

my dad is in hospital

things have been intense

it’s not a nightmare as much anymore
he’s getting a teeny bit better

still

i can’t

anyway

blogging has never felt so trivial

i am asleep on my feet i have lost a ton of weight
everything i eat goes right through me immediately

i go for a break have a drink go back to visit and sobers me right up

life is precious
if i have learned anything from this

life is fucking precious

my eyes have been bloodshot since wednesday

everytime i hear a beatles song i bust up
neil young

everytime i think i explode

i’m trying not to be fatalistic in my head

there is only so much pacing you can do
pace off a cliff

not entirely out of the woods yet
it’s critical then it’s stable

i don’t know what to say or do or think i do not have the adequate foundation to deal with stress or hospital stuff
other than crying and shitting

the heart and mind can never be prepared for what the eye delivers

come to think of it i could probably pace forever