here is an impression of me when i am blasted obliterated busticated retardicated and decide to pick up strange cats and make them let me squeeze them with my love.

i can’t drink so much anymore cos i get wrecked a lot easier by upping my crazy pill dosage which is a shame cos i really enjoy drinking, like, a lot. i dunno if you knew that already. anyway, i am having insomnia cos of it. i go to bed thinking i am buzzed enough and watch futurama and family guy and then i realise i am not drunk and then i can’t sleep.

anyway here is a profound line that i dreamed of last nite. there are two sketchy guys who are in a fight and one says to the other,

“we are both standing beside each other swaying, however YOU sway in the opposite direction of me.”

maybe it was as me and maybe it was leaning instead of swaying either way i am a poetic genius subconsciously like an old crotchety chinese guy who says cool shit every ten seconds, chinese proverbs or whatever.

totally zen.

raymi i’ll buy a book when my cafepress account gets back up to 20 bucks — i just got a check from them so it went back to 0

jamie gave me one of his books for free because he is a WAY better blog friend than you.

hey — i got a great marketing idea, — you should post reminding
people to buy your book every five minutes. wait. you already do that.


martha stewart

you are a fuckhead
i only have one copy of my book so far cos none of my cafe cash has cleared yet
i cant help it if my lifes work is in a book and no one cares as much as i do
which girl showed u my blog
maybe she should be my friend instead
why dont u and jamie gay off together til the end of the world

last nite i had nightmares about my front teeth being smashed out and i looked like a terrible hick and i think it’s cos i am going to the dentist for a cleaning for the first time since i was 18, almost 5 years. i’m scared. my dentist is mean. he gets really disappointed when i have cavities and i know i will have at least ten and one of my fillings fell out a long time agao and i didn’t say anything about it so he’ll be pissed about it but i’ll be all whatever dude YOU are the one who put it in there, maybe you should be re-considering your dentistry skills instead of coming down on some girl who hasn’t seen you in five years BECAUSE YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!

guess what world there is free shipping over at cafepress and it ends december 6th so when you order my book just mark it as a gift and you won’t have to pay shipping. i just realised this now though, sorry everyone else.

three seconds into practise i spilled red wine all over my white hoodie and it got in my hair, all over my face and in my RIGHT EYE ON MY EYEBALL WTF!?! it fucking hurt dude!

that is all.

oh ps somehow i got more in my left eye just now.

Dear Raymi,

When I first went to your blog I wanted to play you in a movie. I wanted to wear ties with saints on them and dye my hair black and be in a band and drink gin and be all witty and tempestuous like you are. I don’t think I could ever actually do it though because I always end up screwing up characters and they end up completely like me, and I don’t drink gin and take naked pictures of myself and I’m just not witty so it just wouldn’t work.
So maybe you should do a movie one day, I mean, I’m not saying that you should, I’m just saying I could see it being really good. I can imagine it being all indie and sort of pretentious. But pretty, with lots of shots of dandelions swaying in fast forward and broken grocery carts in ditches and kids laughing and maybe there would be something sad like a dead rabbit on the side of the road and an ‘OPEN’ sign with the E burnt out. At least that’s what I see in you.
I don’t know.


so i’m gonna be a slutty ms. claus this friday at the mod club. wheee. come and see me and all these other people:

The Andy Kim Christmas Show
w/ Ron Sexsmith, Shaye, Andy Stochansky, Danny Michel, Esthero, Haydain Neale of Jacksoul, The Hidden Cameras and Jully Black

December 2nd, 2005 at Mod Club in Toronto.


ps. dude from the santa claus parade will be the santa at this event. sweet.