i burnt the fuck out of my hands last nite while making chicken strips and cried like a stupid baby on the couch for an hour. i have third-degree burns. fil was laughing at me of course because he is an insensitive bastard.

listen to raymi and tony and fil talk nonsense.

today it is aimeeleminx’s birthday.

happy birthday aimee. mwah. etc and so on.

here’s what you do when you are having dinner with a bunch of people and there are several conversations going on around you but you aren’t a part of any of them and you and one other person are the only ones not engaged in conversation and you know at any minute that person is going to start talking to you but you don’t have anything to say, tilt your head back and forth from both conversations going on and act like you are already participating. it helps if you smile too. smiling is like talking for deaf people.

last nite, fil and i watched hide and seek and during a scary intense part fil leaned over quick and went BWAAAAAH! and it made me shoot beer everywhere out of my bottle like a champagne explosion and most of it got on him. fucker.

“it didn’t sound like a plane to me… it sounded like a missile.” Thank you Joe Nobody for giving me your expert opinion on what missile sounds like, because gas station superintendents are usually the best people to ask about the sonic signature of ballistic missile thrust.

here is something bitchy i did that i am proud of and shut up if you think it is mean.

on the way up to the cottage we stopped at a coffeeshop cos i had to pee and fil wanted a coffee and i was feeling pissy cos i just woke up after what seemed like immediately falling asleep so i am expecting to just dart right into the bathroom, get fil a coffee then get back on the road but no, some stupid girl wearing a gay bandana-printed white baseball hat backwards on her ugly head and her furry hairy necked gross boyfriend are standing in my way. ugly furry neck boyfriend (with glasses) had just come out of the men’s single washroom and was blocking me access to it because he was talking to his girlfriend standing a foot away from him as loud as he possibly could so i was standing there thinking why isn’t this bitch using the men’s room and why does her boyfriend have furry neck hair? i waited two minutes and then i sighed extremely loudly and shoved the guy out of my way and went into the men’s room and he said HOLY FUCK JEEZ and looked at me shocked and i said SHAVE YOUR NECK! and slammed the door.

drunk nerdy loser

V: so it turns out that man didn’t create light.

M: it was woman.

V: no it was lightning.

M: oh, is that what you learned in your dyke course?