fuck you poetry

Pauly shore and adam sandler have never written me back.

I want to fuck johnny knoxville, edward norton, and that john meyer guy.

Justin timberlake too.

OH and that stevo 32 dude from sum41. Him maybe the most right now.

Can you help me do these things?

It�s quite important.

Oh redman too.

And *******.

I fucked *******.

I fucked ******** and I ran away to nyc and fucked ******** and fell in love with the spy and broke *******�s heart or made him feel used.

I�m an asshole.

I have bedded many many a many.

I have no std�s and no aids.

This is good.

Pamela andersen gives hepatitis C a bad name.

And im not being mean.

She should be a spokesperson for something else.

I think she is bubbly.

I don�t like saying negative mean things.

I just make observations.

It�s a curse and probably the number one reason why people hate me so much.

Bad press is still good press.

Yo, cut it.

people think certain things about me but actually if yer a quick one you know that really i am just not that. unnng. bye.

i wish i actually paid attention to the words in VICE magazine when they told us about the best coke jams because now i am lost and always playing the wrong thing and changing it then changing it again to something else that is also wrong and unpleasant to my sensitive nerves and ears and patience. anyhow, please sned me lists of the best tunes to snuff snaff to. thanks.

fucking hell this is terrible. this day. too much. sorry everyone. sorry bar for ok goodbye april fools is helping me half out at the moment. wuuuuht. har har haaa. no more interventions please dears.


so everyone’s pretty fucking pissed at me. coolhandluke. yep. very. he went away and came back to an even more trashed (in the most rock of fucking rollin’ way possible though. YES!!!) apartment ever. whatever. contractors came by and tore shit up and they’ve been doing it for months and i really dont care anymore about anything concerning that house, the landlord, the crazy girl who moved out who i also just realised was the cause of the heat not working (flipped the fucking switch and told no one) urrrg, email hackingness, other crazy bitch happenings….more-over? that house rules and sucks and is the shittiest burden in my life on top of other shitty burdens and im pretty fucking fed up with people not getting it. me. my life. my house. my everything having to do with how psychotic i am these days. anyhow, it’s too much. much too much and my own indifference is what’s getting everyone so angry. even parkdalemassive can’t handle the raymi so much as before.

this website contributes to my own neurosis and micro-celebrity mentality and mania and obsessive compulsivity and it seems like sometimes nobody fucking believes one goddamn word i have to say.

back to coolhandluke. we had a screaming match on our cellphones and i was cramming a lock and cream cheese sammich into my face while he yelled at me saying, “and nine-eleven, whatthefuck did YOU know anybody who died?!?!? bla blargh blahh you think YOU were affected?!?” i didn’t really get why he was bringing that up. i dont throw 9/11 in other people’s faces, i mean, i talk about it and shit ’cause i have some photos but jesus, i talk about a lot of stuff, that shit has nothing to do with what i am doing everyday right now? i think coolhandluke secretly hates me and thinks im a joke and wanted to scream that at me several months ago and now that i am a homewrecker and he’s angry at me for these recent trash happenings…the floodgates are opened. im not mad at him. i understand that he’s pissed but really, i dont have the capacity to care anymore about these kind of things and i know it’s callous and mean – look, there’s a reason for everything and people are tired of hearing my reasons. fine. just stop calling me and screaming at me because now is not the time. i’m sorry there are two week old wine stains on your walls but what about the stains on my brand new maroon futon sheet that to date still has never been washed and yah there were a couple stains to begin with but you certainly added ten trillion more. and all the shit that got stolen when that chick moved out and the trashed backyard and all the things that are trashed that i have to walk thru all the time that i was never the cause of? and the almost 400 dollar phone bill that never gets paid and yes i owe part of it but no one ever seems to be available to pay them before they turn into 400 phone bills?this goes both ways coolhandluke. dont provoke me like this ever again. im being an asshole now. sorry sorry. but still. im getting shit on here just as much as you and if you have a problem with it why not address it three months ago?

i’m at my wit’s end, basically. you won’t even need our fucking loser of a landlord ever for a reference. i moved in there from le burbs and no one asked me shit. he’s shady, unreliable, unresponsible, daft and never takes my side on anything so you can all go blow for all i care. blame it all on me. that house is a piece of shit anyway. ill track mud thru the hallways all i want. the point is, hmm. we should talk later. this wasnt suppose to be a dear lucasaids letter. i love you anyway. bye

unngh man too much these days. had a jerkoff party last nite and everything was grafitti tagged. (pictures to come toomorrow). peoples from my hometown showed up via the blond girl, some dude’s older brother from the past who i sweated, fucked ‘n chucked me. he’s still a hot stoner nobody who coulda been a somebody and actually wa a pro snowboarder ski something who really cares he didnt take me seriously. i was leaving for oxford ‘n london and my five one nite stands. we banged a year later. i had shorter hair. it went nowhere. i was doing others also. it waslame suburban inlimbo finish highschool sorta thing. then went to nyc after graduating highschool. anyway, the party last nite was so cool. i think we’ll be evicted mebbe. so, it’ll look better than how we let coolhandluke show it to those folks wanting celebrityhouse 2003. this post is much like my brains and my life right now. i cant even finish that last thought, i cant respond to email i am constantly inebriated ( innebriated??) and taking photo after photo and i am at the loft and also at the ghetto party slutfuck house. you gotta stop by soon. also to a secret location in kensington market being set up by shekie (aka parkdalemassive and yes creator of that dumb comic Doomhauled) or something or other i need to get some breakdancers on board for saturday/sunday jams with dirtbag raymi karaoke and other shit goin’ down. store’s called THE MAD SCIENTIST. someone should make it a website. eff the internet. im sitting in a room with 2.5 ex boyfriends right now. go to 225 augusta in the market, below baldwin. im there once n awhile pissing people off, not being paid, making long distance conference calls to la and new york trying to use the computers to update my blog and doing shit on my cellfone. unngh. so sometime soon im having another party for maybe my birthday lotsa sex and ex teachers and 40’s of oe, bad feelings all around, incestuous jealousy traps. i made friends with the autistic paperboy. i like him. i waved to him and he waved back and i watched him walk by three times with his flyers and i talked to the woman about getting more minutes and internet at 150 kilabytes daily into the shitty phone that receives no signal in my house so i sat by the window and saw that boy dragging his cart up and down the street and i took some pictures of the neighbourhood and my room and smoked several joints and waited for people to show up and do stuff for my party. i was a wreck. let me tell you. well, anyway, more people are requiring my attention at the moment. goodnite all.

this dude wouldn’t post my blog kuz he thought it was too obscene but he posted my ithinkmanic.blogspot.com blog for his school project. cool. i am too busy and manic to figure out what this is all about. please read and send me a condensed version of what thi project is. ps go to zen lounge for my bday party. date to come. awesome sex tunes jam party the theme is 1983, the year i was born. same year the chicken mcnugget was born. billie jean. and. the cabbage patch doll. k bye.

here’s a guide to everything

want to be friends with everyone? let trashy girls hit on you in poolhall bathrooms and humour them when they make incorrect cosmetic suggestions, whatever. play dumb. i dunno why exactly you’d want to be friends with some poolhall hussy, but you know, it wouldn’t hurt.

when you have to walk across a crowded room and there are ten jillion guys watching you and you know it, how do you walk across the room? snottily? snobbily? look down? head up, smoking? hmm. depends on the setting, really. i try a little of everything. people won’t fuck with you if they think yer a big weirdo, which i am, and im kinda hot and i always have a camera so they think im famous or some bigshot loser with a camera. i get away with a lot of things. add this line into your regular vocab, “Do you know who I AM!?” it never fails. the guys with the girlfriends who are asposed-to hate your guts, grab one by the waist and kiss her or flirt with her lots. once you win her over, you win ‘em all over andthen you can have all the cock you want. make her think all nite long that she is the boss of the room. badmouth her a little to her uglier friends, they’ll love you for it and stuff.

never be afraid to email anybody. that’s how i do it. be a lil flirty, but sincere. dont bullshit, dont try and be all tough and mysterious. people (i) don’t have time for that. get to the point. if they want what you’re selling then they will get back to you. email everyone at the same time and get it over with.

save your money. duh. i think i was put on this earth to spend one thousand dollars a week. totally. put 2/3 of that away as often as possible. do your taxes.

pay someone to do all the shitty things you don’t want to do yourself. ignore people when they call you lazy and decadent because 1. you are better than they are and can afford to get someone else to do yer shit chores and they never thought of it themselves and 2. now you have more time to make macaroni sculptures, so who is the lazy one now?

always try and be friends with your mum and dad and brother and in the end if they are really mean to you or hate you for being naked, then stop being nice to them.

don’t be afraid of the internet. use it wisely. find yer niche. don’t give too much away for free. it is up to you to make yourself useful to society and grow along with it. it is nobody’s fault but your own if you are a stupid miserable unchangeable loser failure.

be friends with old people and retarded kids. i love autistic kids the best. sometimes i think i am autisitc. that would be awesome. i’d never ever have to talk again.

dont be afraid to call your cell phone people and change your plan around so you are not paying 4 trillion dollar phone bills every month for fucksakes. dont be afraid to call any company and complain. u would be surprised at all the free stuff you can get. wuhoo.


it’s ok to confront people to their faces and tell them exactly how you feel and tell them just how big a cunt they really are. i do it all the time. some people are truely evil and mean and hate you(me) for all the wrong reasons. tell them off real good and then go on with yer life. you dont need unecessary stress.

don’t carry grudges. that’s pure cancer and ulcers waiting for you just around the corner. do you even remember why you are so mad at so and so? who cares. i don’t.

it’s ok to refer to girls as bitches and if they don’t get it then stop explaining your case. it’s ok to be politically incorrect and say nigger and fag and spic etc etc as long as is not intended to put someone down. tho some are not so smart and dont get the joke until after they have already shot you in the foot.

be friends with at least a few crazy bitches. i met one with a knife scar on her breasts and then she shot the guy who did it in the ankle. she was aiming for his cock. hahaha. i have photos of her too. total babesville.

ok thats evough for now. im too fat to put up pictures and i have a party to plan. if you wanna come to it tonite email or fone me. ok bye.


Hi,we are just two twelve-year-old girls that LOVE boys Anhate the thought of girls ,unlike some people.We have a question for you,DO YOU STILL LIKE GIRLS?


������������������� I’D RUN AND CALL MY MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

�������� We just think you ruined your childhood being a gaywad.

�������������������������������������������������������� p.s. yes,we are from mississippi!!

������������������������������������������������� and write back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i bombed the sex tv interview. im not my regular amazing self before 5pm. oh well. hopefully the dudes in the editing suite know what to look out for. hrmm.

i chainsmoked and drank tallboys and i was maaanic. at least my psychiatrist is going to let me come back for more free help.

someone hacked my viceland account. i didnt even notice. gavin wrote me and said that it happened and they fixed it. i am so popular because people want to log into my accounts and be me. wow.

im pretty deflated these days. miserable a bit, overwhelmed. now i can be friends with sean lennon and that esthero girl and the drummer. not lying.

they liked the blond girl. they didnt like the weed smell or the trashy apt. but so what. it has charm. u are all invited to my indoor garage sale. i want to sell everything pretty much. and my laptop. who wants my laptop?

i seriously have to change my eating habits. mm beer soup surprise good morning.