make sure you come to this event and wish me a happy birthday and squeeze le blond girl’s nubbies or something because we’ll be very there and very naked and it’s going to rule and yah, cool things will happen. will definitely tell you more about it later. yep. bye.
you should steal ashtrays and cups and plates and try the mexican pizza from pizza pizza and get the free pops and then you should try all the pops all the drinks the flavours and say things like, “i am making money mart soooo popular.” and you should let your jerkoff friends hide your left shoe behind the radiator so when you have to leave several hours later you can’t find it and lose your mind trying to find it in their fucking livingroom while they are all asleep or gonedoff home. i’ve also figured out how to get any item from the mcdonalds drive-thru menu for a little bit cheaper if you supersize a few things, don’t order a pop for one of the combos and then change something into a milkshake or order something extra and maybe take something away after that. i swear it works out. eventually. driving with the sun in your eyes is also pretty nice. me threatening roommates about who gets to keep the kingsize mattress has been a two day theme in these parts. take a number.
we agreed that im pretty much, well, retired. it’s kinda funny.
i try not to dip too much into my pension plan.
thank you irsktnniii for telling us to watch Slashers. it. was. so good. you got so much more totally awesome awesome points for that move. i really wish i wrote down that quote the first time i said it.
parkdalemassive said, “yeh i fouled her up.” or something and it was great. totally separate quote and has nothing to do with me or the previous quote though i wish i said it first because i fouled her up is the new i felt her up line. yeh. it’s like you got her all drrty and stuff. yah.
another thing is i laughed 4 seconds after everyone else laughed and went quiet at the kid koala thing and it was kinda sexy and brutal and uncomfortable because maybe at least 15 people made a point to turn and look to see who exactly the sexy beast was who made the sexy growl giggle fucked laugh. ask parkdalemiddleton because he was right there and it made him laugh right away. then i dropped my bag on the floor and screamed, “WHUd’ja DO!?” to this dude who had arm braces and crutches and i made him feel like the accident was his fault but it wasnt and then turns out hes all handicapped and stuff and made then it was extra funny kuz we both sorta made the bag fall down but in the end…fucking whatever i cant even finish off how it happened. i was trying to do what chris farley did to david spade in tommy boy with the car door busting off and well, the only two people who found it sort of funny tonite/last nite 8ish hours ago was/were p.dalemiddleton and i and we decided to leave the room right away after it so, there you go. it was worth mentioning.
the crutch guy kinda liked it afterall and got the whole joke . im thinking. hoping. but no longer care.
who wants to be on the canadian matchmaker show? email me within the next two weeks. u can be the datee or the dater or the stupid fat bitch friend who sits in the limo and badmouths your friend on the date. maybe that’s who i should be on the show. who wants to be my fake date? fuuuck. i should just auction myself off and get it over with. who has ten million dollars?
ill settle for 500,000 even.
ps my shoe is even more funny and warped now from the radiator-stuffing.